Jay1

I'm not sure why you think you have hppd?.... If you have had visual disturbances all your life, it is certainly not hppd. Visual snow perhaps, but not hppd. hppd needs an initial stimulus..... drugs mainly, sometimes meds like SSRIs... It is not something that just happens without that stimulus though. That would be an entirely separate disorder.

Lamictal can also help depression. I think it is worth a try.

I'm on those two meds at the moment, they interact fine. I only take klonopin a few days a week though... but I don;t see any cause for concern (just make sure not to get too into Klonopin, it is very easy to start liking it a bit too much!) How long have you been suffering hppd symptoms?

Unfortunately, some external things are linked with hppd.... As my ability to find work is very much restricted to the disorder. As I said, I can;t work in an office and even too much interaction with phones and especially video conferences throws me... Every time I have to start looking for work, it hammers home just how fucked I am which ties into the problem of having HPPD as we get older. I can't even imagine this shit if i am 55 and trying to find work that doesn't involve human interaction. re: SSRI's ... I was pretty much forced to complete a 3 month trial of Prozac and another SSRI, when I first went to a doctor about this, 18 or so years ago. I said after week 1 that it was making me VERY ill, but they said wait it out and implied that if I didn't, there was no hope for me. That very nearly killed me. Anxiety, dp/dr, visuals 10x as bad as I have ever had it. Had to quit work, became a recluse. I wanted to die every second I was on that poison. Thank god I can now stand up to doctors.

Sorry, it wasn't aimed at you or anyone in particular....Just the idea that hppd is not so bad, life could be worse etc is something I have read a fair few times this couple of weeks and, though true for alot of people.... with my current stress and situation, frustrates me (maybe makes me a little jealous), as I don't think life could be worse than being locked in my own tortured mind. I'm sure i'll be back to being positive soon, and I generally do believe that having a positive attitude helps alot, but I also try to tell my story as it is, and that includes the fact that alot of my life is a waking nightmare, especially when I hit these dark periods. Anyway, hopefully the stress of losing my job and being stabbed in the back by my ex-boss is the root to all this and i'll be back to baseline soon. It really hit me for six. Re: meds.... I can;t think of any I haven;t tried! Keppra didn't do much and SSRIs kill me. I'm trying lamictal now (again)... Trying to get up to 200mg.

It has crossed my mind, but I have external factors (losing my job and being stabbed in the back by my ex-boss). I'll keep on lamictal until that stress subsides and I can reevaluate

I get extremely worried about old age too.... I am just about on the right side of being young enough to be the quiet, brooding creative type, without people questioning it too much. As I get older, certain norms are expected, dinner parties, small talk etc... Shit I just can't deal with. I don't give a fuck about visuals or anxiety.... I just can't be in those situations when I feel like i'm tripping. I'm having a bad month, but am getting a bit tired of hearing how HPPD "isn't that bad"... It fucking is. 20 years this month and not a day of my adult life where I can say I had peace of mind and wasn't tripping out. Yes, I have an ok life.. yes, I mainly have a positive outlook on life... But I can't drive, can't think about having kids, can't even be comfortable talking to my mum and dad, can't work in any situation other than on my own, at home... I am mentally crippled, mentally ill ....... It IS that bad (for some). Maybe I will cheer up when I get over the 20 year anniversary in the same month I lost my job... But right now, I wanna tear the world in half.

I'll look into it and see how it affects my gym. Also, i'm vegan, so getting high levels of fat is not easy.

Not sure.... I just imagine mine is a very severe case. Remember that i was doing 100s of Es, 100s of trips (lsd/shrooms) and was doing 5 grams of speed a week for a year or two. I probably did well to not be completely psychotic or dead

Not a full blown trip... the tail end. But that is 24/7 For most LSD users, the tail end is a nice place.... You are over the completely insane part of the trip and feel normality coming back... relief! For me, i'm left in a limbo of "post trip" trippiness... visuals, anxiety, strange thought patterns, depression and generally feeling physically and mentally "wrong". 20 years of that takes it's toll.

Judging by the forum over the last 5 years or so... I;d say 99.9999999% of us.

Sad to say... I'd happily trade 5 years with a functioning mind and cancer or similar, for 30 years with hppd. In fact, i'd fucking pay for that shit (and I am one of the more positive people here!) Mental illness is far, far worse than any physical pain, imo. I've lost loved ones to cancer and it is awful to watch, but they still had peace of mind. That is something i've never had in my adult life. Not a single day.

Feeling like i am tripping. That is the be all, end all. I have a handle on it, but cannot do things that come normal to most people, like working in an office... or day to day shit like going to the supermarket, spins my head too much. Even sitting and speaking to my mum or wife is hard work. I am trapped in the last couple of hours of a strong trip.... the fun has gone, the visuals are less, the mind trip is less... But it all adds up to a pretty crippling disorder that can't be ignored in any way, shape or form.

Not too bad mate, still soldiering on. Would love to say things have gotten better, hppd wise, but still in the same place. Life is generally ok though, back in UK and enjoying being with family and friends more.

White and blue enhance my visuals, yea

Hey G-Man, I remember you from back in the day Just remember that you healed once before, so I can't see why you wont heal again.... Just do whatever it was you did before and wait it out. Keep up the fight, Jay

Yes, I was a little confused with the MRI idea as I was sure that didn;t show much/anything... But couldn'f remember properly. Maybe Dr.A has something new regarding that that he thinks is worth testing... Did he send any notes through, OldSchool? Further, controlled qEEG tests would seem a better approach?

It is like this: Beckley are currently conducting test on how LSD works on the brain. Because of this, OldSchoolAr got in touch to ask them if they knew about HPPD and would consider helping us. They replied that they would like to hear more and me and OldSchool had a conference call with their head of fund raising. She was interested and thought that she could 1) Help raise money and 2) use that money for the Beckley group's scientists to perform whichever tests were deemed the best to persue. She asked if we could put her in touch with a doctor with experience with HPPD studies so that she could better understand the condition and also to take a "plan of action" to the Beckley doctors. She had a conference call with Dr Abraham and OldSchool where the above ideas were put forward. The ideas are being put forward to the community and we can suggest which ones we think should be presented to the Beckley doctors, including any that are not on the list but could be usefull. So, the HPPD funding and studies are completely separate from their previous studies. Dr A will work with and help their doctors to provide ideas and info, but their doctors will be carrying out the tests in London. They also seem keen for the forum to have input and ideas, which is why this thread was started. Dr A had some good ideas, but there is always room for more ideas that could be presented too.

Mood change is usually the biggest key, plus sharper focus on the things you are doing. On the negative side, but still shows changes in the brain.... Increased dp/dr, if the med is not a good fit (like SSRIs or Anti Psychs)

Yes, i think scans and genetic tests are the most important, at this point. We could guinea pig meds for years with basically guess work... what we need is a clear starting point to target. This will hopefully show with scans and genetics.

Like a chill going up my spine and around the back of my brain (which is the visual cortex). It is quite a pleasant feeling and is generally a sign of things changing in the brain, chemical wise.

Quick update. Upto 100mg a day (2 x 50mg). I feel something happening in my brain, I am getting rushes like when coming up on MDMA. I have been more chatty and upbeat too.... Not sure if this is the medication or just the good feeling of summer arriving, but I feel the medication is doing something positive. No sign of the rash, so can hopefully get up to 200mg and give this med a real try.

while I exercise, it is worse... But after, it returns to normal and I feel mentally better.

Very positive indeed. We now have several ideas for testing/research... Ranging from very cheap to achieve to more expensive, depending on how the crowd funding may go. DNA testing was mentioned, something Visual will be happy about I'm sure Ben will update when the info is all in place... But it is time for celebration, things are moving fast and in the right direction!

Things are progressing, we will bring more news soon.