Jay1

There was no internet in my day, so no obsessing over new symptoms I read about ..... Unfortunately, I do have all the usual symptoms.... But I agree with your thoughts.... Coming here alot and looking out for new symptoms is not ideal for healing

Just take some time off to heal... forget school, work, whatever else will bring stress.... If all you can do is sit in a dark room watching films...then do that for as long as it takes. Perhaps you are worried about what your family will think if you dropout, but they will forgive you anything if they knew that you were suicidal.... If you have to tell them how low you are, do so. PM me if you need anything, but please try and fight through this.

I'd definitely avoid his advice on alcohol... If you can live without it, it will have no downside, health wise... Alcohol changes the chemicals in your brain, just like any other drug. It absolutely has a huge impact on my hppd, sometimes for 4 days after drinking (and who knows what it has done to my recovery chances). Unfortunately, like the rest of us, this guy seems to be using guesswork as much as anything else. Seems to be common practice... At least he didn't just wave it off as depression or psychotic behaviour, like most doctors.

when did weed become a safe one for hppd? Man, sends me into a full blown trip with full on hallucinations (visual and auditory)

MDMA powder wasn't really around in my drug years... But I was doing alot of pills... Probably 7 a week through Thursday-saturday

thanks drugs are pretty great .... but nothing on earth is worth risking your mental health when you get these warning signs.

I can't really answer that... If I say "yea, you are probably over reacting" then you go do some MDMA and screw your brain, it would have been pretty bad advice. If you are seeing some visual snow, have anxiety and see strange patterns in the sky, that seems like a pretty decent warning sign that drugs are not sitting to well with your mind/body. Better just to think that you do have some kind of pre-hppd and move on with your life with lsd/shrooms/mdma. Dodging the bullet on one mushroom trip does not mean that the next one wont be the bullet that gets you. I did various drugs before I realised i was in a world of trouble.

Sounds like what I would call pre-hppd.... warning signs. Coupled with the fact that you get anxiety pretty badly, I would fully recommend getting off this ride while you still can. MDMA is what took me from pre-hppd to hell on earth, it's just not worth it. I know, at your age, it is hard to think about giving up things that most others can do just fine... But your mental health is just the most valuable thing in the world... Imagine your worst ever bout of anxiety, times it by 100, for the rest of your life (plus a shit load of other horrible disorders).... College, work, meeting people etc will go from being enjoyable to a living hell. It's just not worth any high. If you stop with the hardcore drugs, chances are you will be able to party with beers... smoke some joints etc without ever getting hppd (though I would try to smoke some milder weed, where possible). I really hope you seriously consider giving up the drugs.... I'd give anything, absolutely anything to be back in your position and have all this info at my fingertips to be able to make an informed choice... Please, let my 20 years of mental anguish be worth something by taking this advice and not becoming another one of us, painfully fighting our way through life. Regards, Jay

I'm happy you are feeling, but you are being incredibly naive. 2 weeks ago you were talking about suicide, now it is all weed and sunshine? I bet by the end of the summer you will be doing lsd/mdma and will likely be back to square one, or FAR worse. When will people learn to just enjoy normal life when they are given a second chance and not keep gambling with mental health for the sake of a few highs.

I have been doing exercise and gym for a few years now, and it really does make me feel better.... The last few weeks though, I have added a spin class to my routine (twice a week)... It is hardcore, as some of you will already know. The last few times, I have gone in with the attitude of putting in everything I have and coming out completely tired and covered in sweat... It is a very cathartic experience and I have been in a much better mood since taking this approach. I even find myself smiling as I push harder and harder, I can feel some of my demons pouring out of me and also have no time to think. Give it a try... push yourself to the limit 1-2 times a week... Your visuals will spike for an hour or so, but the buzz will last much longer.

CEVs are the one aspect I quite like... I can use them to help me trance out and get to sleep... I just sit back and enjoy the show and let them morph into shapes without me thinking too much.

Great post, I will pin it.

Yep... I feel like I have too much adrenalin all the time, constantly on edge, jumping at every noise or movement in my peripheral vision. I am going to get my cortisol levels tests, I think maybe we are under so much stress that our body is pumping out crazy amounts of cortisol and adrenalin.

From what you are describing, I would say you have what I refer to as "pre-hppd"... You have to almost force the visuals. I had this for 2-3 years and actually quite enjoyed it. Basically, this is your wake up call.... No more drugs, ever... even when this clears up. Loads of us here went through this stage and then decided to do more drugs and fucked our lives up. Please don't take this message from your body for granted, things get exponentially worse and all it takes is one bad trip or a heavy night on the mdma. LSD has already taught you it's message... Be thankfully you came out fairly unscathed and move on with life. Sorry to be blunt, but I wish someone had told me this 20 years ago and saved me from a life of severe mental illness.

Please don't think I am trying to discourage you from exploring these avenues though... I think it is essential we try and think of everything that could be a cause and potential relief/cure

hi Alice... Maybe try some of the alternatives 1st? tDCS and TMS seem to be really helping alot of people (elctro / magnetic treatment)... Sounds and looks abit scary, but is more or less side effect free. Other options include inositol, 5htp, st johns wort (though some report flare ups from them too).

I think you are confusing brain damage with neurological changes. Serotonin based drugs can shut down serotonin receptors, dopamine based drugs can shut down dopamine receptors. These drugs can cause long term neurological changes that are not in anyway defined as brain damage. There may well be an element of PTSD too, I never had a bad trip, but that doesn't mean my mind didn't go through some degree of trauma during various trips. I am not sure why it has to be so black and white though... Either neurological or psychological... It is very likely both. In fact, alot of psychological issues can cause neurological and physical issues, and vice versa. Stress, for instance (psychological) causes a neurological and physical response leading to things like lower serotinin and melotonin release (neurological) and difficulty breathing, clenching teeth (physical)

Welcome to the site... It sounds like you are doing everything right in terms of stopping drugs, caffeine etc, so hopefully you will start to see some improvements over the next few months. If you still don't see any improvements, you still have the option of trying various medications (keppra, lamictal, sinemet etc). Try to fill your life with things that will take your mind off the problems. Like collecting elephants!

I usually do Friday (1mg), Saturday (1mg), Sunday (1.5mg).... I take them in the morning. This give me a more relaxed weekend and allows me to get out with friends and family.

I guess it depends what you want to bundle in with the HPPD tag.... I had some form of VS and warping visions since I was 14 and took my first lsd tab, but it had zero effects on my mental wellbeing, if anything... I enjoyed it and would have had no issue living the rest of my life like that. I do feel like I had some kind of mental breakdown around the age of 17/18 though, when too many drugs (mainly MDMA) just got the better of me. I've always maintained that we (HPPD sufferers) probably put all over problems/disorders in the bracket of HPPD, which is probably an unwise thing to do... Who is to say that the deep mental illness I feel has anything to do with hppd, maybe the visuals are just an extra layer to a far deeper problem that was caused by, say, the MDMA? What is for sure is that there is a whole spectrum of people on this forum who have various severities of the symptoms we class as hppd (I get almost zero brain fog, for instance). There is every chance that some of us have neurological issues, while others have PTSD (or both). I think getting to the root of the stress/anxiety would help everyone though. It is the fuel that keeps the fire going.

Like I asked on the other post you have made... What about the people who get this from SSRIs? MDMA? Seems less likely they had a trauma and more likely that increased serotonin and dopamine caused some neurological issue. HPPD shows up on qEEG scans, which also suggests a neurological issue. We will probably never know, so it is good to theorise and I am sure PTSD treatment would be a benefit to most here, even if it is not the root cause. Stopping the anxiety loop would be great. Personally, the pain from my hppd is so physical, as well as mental, that it is nigh on impossible to ignore it for even a split second. The idea of thinking away that kind of physical pain just seems a million miles away.

Hey Kellen. Stress is a massive cause of flare ups.... Do you have any activities that help alleviate stress? Have you tried meditating? Clonazepam can increase depression, so I would tread carefully if you go down that route... But it can also get your through a rough patch. Maybe try the 3 days on, 4 days off routine... That can help bring your stress/anxiety down and give you a long weekend without anxiety, while helping avoid addiction/tolerance.

Same for me.... I was taking drugs everyday, so mistook hppd for comedowns and being high. Only when I stopped did I know hppd was gonna be a problem.

If anything, hppd has sent my creativity into overdrive.... The ideas flow non stop. Right now, i'm writing 3 books (fiction), making two apps/games, learning piano, continuing my bass playing and thinking about making a short movie. If I didn't do creative stuff, I think I would properly go mad... It's the one outlet for all the noise in my head.

I work from home, it is the only way I can cope. I am a web/app designer... Sometimes for clients, but I generally come up with my own ideas and have been lucky enough to have enough success to have made a living doing it. When I first had hppd, I used to work in factories.... Anywhere that I could just put my headphones on and not speak to people.