Jay1

Your time is not "running out"..... People recover in various ways, at various times, through various means. Have you tried the simplest method of all yet? Eating healthily, exercising and trying to focus your brain on other activities? All these things are free or cheap to do.

Tramadol floods the brain with dopamine and serotonin (according to wiki) so has major risks for hppders

I wear yellow tint sunglasses almost all the time... even in doors... It has almost cured my head pressure.

I would try to find a good dosage before going to a gathering.... It can zombie you out when awake.

Yea... I've been trying ginseng too, lately... Quite speedy but without any additional anxiety

I just feel like my brain is poisoned, I can't really think of a better way to describe it. It is almost like a physical symptom and the thing I hate the most.

Benzos.Lorazepam is my favourite, reduces visuals and dp/dr, greatly reduces anxiety. Managed well, they can be a magic bullet for things like social functions. Just be careful with alcohol... The two do not mix well. (And be careful of addiction, of course).

I'm not getting into the suicide talk again, just depresses me that people have such little fight for life.

ok,, so in that case your mind has healed very quickly from severe hppd, so why not see if you can heal from the anxiety too without drugs/meds? I know it is easy to get caught up in the fantasy of Aya being this all powerful healing tool, but it is another road back to severe, lifelong hppd... I just don't really understand why you would take the risk when you are on the road to recovery. I think that you are, perhaps sub consciously, trying to justify using hallucinogens again by adding the healing tag to the risk equation. I would bet that just journeying into the amazon would heal your anxiety anyway! Travelling can really break anxiety down.

Yea, hard to say if it is hppd or not, I would say probably not.... I know that dp/dr gives me a sense of dizziness though, but not blurred vision. I would see an eye doctor first.

stick to the beer... no shots... Have water in between each beer... Don;t go over the top... Find your buzz then limit yourself just enough to stay at that level of enjoyment... (easier said than done!). The biggest concern with alcohol is, once you are drunk, you might be tempted to do drugs... Is there anyone going with you that you can ask to make sure you stay away from drugs, no matter how drunk you get?

You still don't quite get it mate.... Your hppd isn't long gone... it is so naive to think that.... You are clearly susceptible to hppd and, if you keep pushing your luck, you WILL get severe hppd. Severe hppd does not go away after a few months..... severe hppd does not allow you to smoke any weed or even a couple of beers without having to deal with a world of anxiety the next day..... severe hppd will send your dp/dr and anxiety to a completely new level. You seem a clever guy but have this fatal flaw to not be able to grasp the incredibly lucky situation you are now in, where you have recovered from a mild version of hppd and might never have to face the intense nightmare that some of us are going through. "i dont care about hppd anymore" keep going with pyschs and this will be the defining statement of your life, one that you will look back on most nights and think "why didn't i just fucking listen". I have said a few times on this forum.... I would rather have both my arms and legs cut off and a clear mind than have severe hppd and that is the 100% truth... Think about that for a minute, think about where your current mental disorder is... Then think about why I hope you are never in this position. I am in this situation because I took pyschs and mdma (both thought of as potential cures for anxiety) after I went through various stages of mild hppd and not so mild anxiety, like you have.

If hppd is fed by anxiety, and a culture is not made anxious by a changed perception, then they wouldn't get hppd. They also will have a genetic protection against pyschs, much like alot of westerners have a natural protection against alcohol (compared to, say, Asians) due to millennia of usage by their ancestors. But be careful with Aya.... there have been people on this forum that have seen massive increases in symptoms from taking aya, even with Shamans. It is such a shame that the old forum was deleted (with the database)... about 95% of all the old stories have gone.

Pretty sure I actually tried Propranolol too... Back in those days though, I equated everything to the visuals, if a med didn't improve my visuals, I would stop. But It might well have helped with stress and anxiety. Keep us up to date on your progress.

It is a thought I have had too, maybe a properly guided trip with a shaman could remove whatever hppd is, in a spiritual sense.... but it is a huge gamble, as DMT is, at a chemical level, still just triggering the 5HT receptors that I believe cause alot of the problems. I would love to chat to a shaman about hppd though, maybe they know other plants and herbs that would help. The ancient shamans were considered almost outcasts, very strange and only talked to when the king/s needed guidance.... they probably had all kinds of hppd/dp/dr etc.

Yea, trip is right.... Only you will know just how much info your mum can handle, at this point (though if you really do get to breaking point and are serious about suicide, then tell her, no matter what the reaction)..... But if you can stay calm while you explain hppd/dp/dr, it will help her to understand.

You just gotta live and learn.... Don't beat yourself up about it, just focus on the fear next time you get tempted.

yea, that's pretty much what the article describes... I don't think they would put "and we ate a red and white mushroom and saw god" because then all the normal people could do it too... I think hallucinogens were often kept away from the masses and just used by people in power (or via a shamen). But I think alot of the bible and other texts are from trips, they are too crazy not to be! I have similar views to you, btw... Don't believe in religion, but do believe there are intelligent beings/forces out there that we can occasionally tap into.

Well, the bible has shit like Noah living in a whale's stomach, talking bushes on fire and a boat big enough to hold all the world's animals! It is not literal. Read the link I provided. The bible (and other major religions) talk alot about things that they eat to see god/s... Most of which sound like some kind of mushrooms/fungi.

Is there a counsellor at your school that cannot disclose what you discuss with teachers etc? That might be a good option... If not, surely there are drug/mental illness dropins/ helplines in the states? Try not to go too hard on your parents... Have you even fully explained the situation (eg, feeling suicidal, still taking drugs etc).... Unless they know everything, they cannot fully support you... and mental disorders are difficult for people to understand and empathise with.... They do not "deserve" to see their child kill themselves, that is for sure. If I were you, I would sit your mum down and have a full discussion about it all and be completely honest... Stay calm, don't get angry or upset, even if she does. Just emphasise that, right now, you need support, help and love... Say you understand that she might be angry about the drug use, but that anger needs to be put to one side while you deal with the mental disorder.

Yea... Permafry was an urban legend when I was taking alot of LSD/shrooms in the early 90s.... I link the phrase directly to what we now consider hppd, as the term hppd was not created at that point. My dad also would talk of acid casualties from his 60s college days... Also a similar term to show long term LSD issues.

You should listen when people say their lives are now ruined because they kept doing drugs after mild hppd. They are not saying it for fun.

Yea, we have the same myth here that it will kill you if you eat it. It does contain some poison, but not much... Just learn online how to prepare it. It is interesting reading the history about Aminitas, the vikings used them before wat... Some people think their use by the ancient Sumerians led to the concept of religions. This is quite a cool therory about mushrooms/religion.. One of several - http://www.atlanteanconspiracy.com/2008/09/jesus-christ-magic-mushroom-part-1.html

It might work, i'm not saying others haven't had success... Just don't think that whatever shit you put into your body is gonna be magically fixed by Keppra... If it was, this forum wouldn't exist and we'd all be back chewing on acid.

I've never heard of that drug, but the experience sounds just like a dissociative trip, which are about the scariest trips you can have. You've gotta stop thinking that meds are gonna cure everything, because it is just giving you an excuse to do these drugs and think it will all be solved with Keppra.