Jay1

Yea, you are right... Cautious optimism is probably the best approach... Keep in mind that you can recover from this, but don't start worrying about timelines and checking for improvements all the time.

There is a reason a doctor won't give him these meds though... He'll be an addict within 3 months. You need a be very self controlled with Benzos and opiates... Brandon clearly isnt yet (neither was I at his age, so it is not a put down)

Great post and something everyone here should read... Only thing I don't fully agree on are some parts of point 1... We don't know the mechanics of HPPD and brain damage is unproven... I am sure there are neural issues at play, but that is different to brain damage. Also with "Do not trick yourself into believing full health and recovery is right around the corner.".... I don't think it's a bad thing to hold out as much hope as possible of a very quick recovery but it absolutely MUST be backed up by all the actions you go on to mention. I also think that people should try and go med free, whenever possible, in those early months,,,,, Learning to live with hppd without a crutch made me a far stronger person, I know my baseline, i know my trigger points, i know how to bring myself down from dp/dr episodes or panic attacks.... These skills are essential and will be harder/impossible to learn while medicated up. Again, great post... Thanks

Take this kind of talk to the messaging system. We are trying to build a forum that will be visited by various doctors and foundations that are looking to help hppd sufferers.... They will just walk away if they see it is a bunch of kids selling drugs to get other drugs. Any more of this kind of shit and I'll have to start dishing out some short term bans... Something i've never had to do before... Grow up for crying out loud.

The above conversation makes me think you are not mature enough to handle Benzos or opiates without quickly getting addicted and in a fresh world of shit.. Sorry to be blunt,.but it is was it is

It is the only time I feel like my old personality is back, i can relax, chat and make jokes like I used to. It is not great for hppd sufferers though... I am sure I made my recovery chances worse by drinking alot of problems away in the first 3 years of hppd.

That's great... Hope you continue to get even better... A good mindset is essential Great profile pic too!

There are people on here who have made their hppd worse, long term, from alcohol.... there are people here who seem fine, there are people here who don't get long term issues, but get terrible anxiety for upto 3-4 days after the night of heavy drinking (I am one!). So the answer is, as always, no one can answer for you!! Isn't hppd fun? 2 large beers reduces your serotonin by 80% the next day, so it has a significant effect on the brain's chemistry. If you do drink, the very best is to stick to something like gin and orange... Just a small amount, just have enough to get a buzz, then try to stay on water until the buzz needs a bit of a top up. That is the cleanest... If not that, just a few bottled beers, organic if possible. Drink plenty of water and have a banana when you return to help boost your serotonin levels. The problem with alcohol is once you have had 2-3, you stop caring about the rules and just go wild.

Did you ever get the CBD weed? I still think that might be a good solution. In theory, it might allow some kind of anxiety free high, if you get the right THC/CBD combo I was looking on the darkweb and found some that are 7% THC, 7% CBD.... Probably too much THC for me, but the CBD might remove the anxiety

btw - Have you tried inositol .. It is pretty good for depression https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Inositol

If I can do 15 years without meds, without knowing what hppd/dp/dr etc was,.. just thinking I was permafried and crazy... I am sure you can do 12 months? You have done 9 months without even being completely sober and have made major steps in your recovery... More than probably 90% of the people who visit here... It seems you are part of a lucky few who's body and mind can repair itself... But you have to give it some help. And I am just plucking 12 months out of thin air... You might go 1 month sober and start seeing changes.

and I already know your response... "Life isn't worth living if I can't use drugs".... ok, and what is the best chance for you to be able to begin doing drugs without problems again? By giving your body and mind a complete rest. It is really, really simple.

You've already beaten hppd, if you would just stay sober for a year, you would probably beat the rest too. You might actually get 100% back to normal, fully reset. You will never know until you stop fucking around though and treat this like an illness

short term relief yes... But that gaba surge can damage receptors too, just like dopamine and serotonin surges.... Same with gabagenic meds like benzos, that is what causes withdrawal anxiety. I would not recommend either to Brandon, as he is showing clear signs of impulsive behaviour, which is a fast route to addiction. My doctor refused me valium when i was 19 years old and am so thankful to her for saying no. I was too young and impulsive for such a drug, even though it would have brought me great relief in my darkest times.

Opiates give a massive surge in dopamine though, something that seems a likely culprit to make hppd/dp/dr etc worse or slow down any chance of recovery. I have had audible hallucinations and very trippy thinking from opiates, I don't think they are safe as people think, just because they don;t seem to affect the visuals

Ahh right, onto opiates now... That was quick. Mate, you are 17 years old and clearly have a very impulsive and erratic nature.... Opiates are about as advisable as a bath in LSD at this point in time.

It is very hard to get the dosing right with edibles too... and it can last hours. I'm tired of sounding like someone's parent, but you really need to start taking your recovery seriously and forget getting high... even if it is just for 1-2 months.

Sounds like they took Ibogaine

I await next week's inevitable update "I did edibles and made things worse".

If it is the neurons, then there is a bigger chance to fix it. Do you really think there is no avenue to try? What about tDCS or TMS (transcranial magnetic stimulation)? What about amanita muscaria (something that is dangerous, but has the potential to cure hppd, imho)? Or very high CBD cannabis? Hell, i'd even consider trying micro doses of LSD (I know a friend who combated MDMA induced depression by microdosing with MDMA... Fight fire with fire). Obviously some of those ideas are leftfield and something I would never suggest to others... But surely anything is worth a try? I know you don't want us to try and talk you out of it, but it is human nature... We all want you to life and beat this shit.... Maybe one day we will all have a big old party to celebrate being cured, who knows what the future will bring. Please stay strong and PM me with anything.

I am a long termer too, I know how you feel... But have you really exhausted every avenue? I looked through your posting history and you mentioned something about Ayahuasca with a proper shaman?... Could this be worth a try, one last spin of the dice? It's not something I would normally recommend, for obvious reasons... But you never know what the shaman could do to help.

Just to clarify my own situation..... I still drink, sometimes quite heavily... It's really the only time I feel anywhere close to my old self... I have also done coke, opiates, MDMA and even lsd, post hppd (long before I knew what hppd was). No doubt this sounds hypocritical .. As I can't stick to my own rules... But after 20 years I don't hold too much hope of recovery... I guess my original post is more in hope that the newer guys might not fall into the same trap I did

I don't know anyone who only did MDMA and got hppd, that I remember.. But I have chatted to people who pinpoint MDMA as the main culprit... And people who say MDMA sent their LSD based hppd into new levels.

It might just be that people getting hppd with mdma in the mix are also bringing about more depression, paranoia etc.. I have always maintained that HPPD is more a collection of disorders than one disorder. One thing I found interesting though.... When I had hppd from lsd/shrooms only.... My visuals had a distinct purple hue... The MDMA changed the colour hue to a blue. When I have chatted to the long termers on here, 10+ years.... Those with lsd based hppd seem to be more at peace with their hppd, while those with lsd/mdma hppd seem to still be in hell... I really don't want to sound like I am saying anyone with lsd based hppd is not suffering... It is just something I have noticed in discussion with people over the years.

More or less, yea... I took mdma for a year after getting hppd from lsd and shrooms.... I didn;t think it was affecting me much as a I in a cycle of getting high, then coming down, then those 3-4 days of feeling a bit off (covering it with alcohol and weed)... Then getting high again. You start to believe those 3-4 off days are just part of the comedown and will go away once you stop partying, but they are actually hppd gettng worse and worse. You might get lucky, you might not... What is an absolute fact is that you are susceptible to hppd, so the chances of getting lucky are slimmer than most, and from everything i've learnt from being on here (as well as my own experience, of course) is that MDMA induced hppd is pretty horrible. The potential trade offs are just not worth the high.