Jay1

probably about 50 pills* while i had mild hppd... I then had something of a breakdown after an LSD microdot, when I think severe hppd kicked in, but I was in such a drug haze then, high every day on something, that I still didn;t realise that i was ill... I just drifted between being high, drunk, sleep, comedown craziness and then repeat again. During that period, I probably did another 50 Es and alot of speed, a few more lsd trips... Only when I had a 2nd breakdown and tried to quit drugs did I realise just how fucked my mind was... I had, naively, thought that a few weeks off the drugs and i'd be fine again! Since then, i've maybe slipped up and taken mdma 2-3 times. *Bear in mind these were early 1990s pills.... very strong!

Severe anxiety, severe dp/dr (feel like i'm tripping on half a light acid, 24/7), severe visuals (vs, after images, green/blue geometric patterns everywhere, cevs, morphing, tunnel vision, see faces in everything, see 3D cogs and machinery in everything). Nothing has eased up since day 1 really... with one exception... I also had severe depression for the first 3 years... That seems to heal itself naturally and the weight off my shoulders did make the other symptoms more manageable. If the depression hadn't gone, I think I would have drink/drugged myself into an early grave.

I gave up hope of healing naturally after about 5 years... Worth staying positive though, you never know when a new medicine might help... You also tend to pick up some good coping mechanisms as the years pass. My advice for long termers is to try my patented 3 and 1/2 days on, 3 and 1/2 days off klonpin routine. Monday - off Tuesday - off Wednesday - off Thursday 6pm - 1mg Friday 9am - 1.5mg Saturday 9am - 1.5mg Sunday 9am - 1.5mg I've been doing that for 7 years now with no sign of tolerance or addiction. I just make sure to have 10 days off every few months... But the routine means I get a long, fairly anxiety/hppd free weekend, allowing me to socialise, do family stuff and generally live a semi normal life... Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday go pretty quickly.

When did you take the LSD? How long have you had these symptoms? As ever, just stop taking drugs, eat healthy, exercise and try to fill your life with things to take your mind off the issue... Chances are that it will soon go, or you will learn to live with it without any negative impact on your life.

I've always been of the mindset that taking drugs while in early/mid teens is the most dangerous age.

I think you already know the answer. LSD and mental health issues generally don't mix well, get out now before you make things alot worse

Driving on a road is an average thing to do for most people... But if you are in a car crash and walk away with a broken leg that will heal... You are lucky. Thinking positive is a really important step to recovery. There are people on here that did LSD once and have had this for decades. That is unlucky. I'm not trying to downplay your suffering, hppd is dreadful... be it weeks, months or years... just trying to show you that this can be turned into a positive life lesson.

This is an interesting point and one we should always keep in mind.. Internally, it seems like we must stand out as completely crazy to other people.... But everyone has their own shit to deal with and are not actively hunting our signs of anxiety, depression etc. I've had people tell me that i'm super laid back and friendly and i'm almost laughing inside, because most of the time my anxiety is trying to force me to lock myself in a room and speak to nobody.

I would call you VERY lucky!!!! You are recovering and have every chance of a full recovery. There are a few things you need to work on, mainly your mindset... As I said, you are not unlucky, quite the oppsitie... Also, your friend didn't ruin your life... Unless he had a gun to your head when you took MDMA? It was your choice, it backfired.. You had a tough time but are recovering well and have learnt a massive life lesson... Time to turn this into a positive. Be thankful for every day that you spend with your santity intact... Don't be resentful, have a positive mindset... You can either be angry about what happened or be happy that the path you took led to you to understand that mental health is fragile and precious.

I don't have a problem with discussing being suicidal, we all go through it, i just don't think this is the place to discuss methods of doing it. I'm sure there are plenty of places online for that sort of discussion. I have seen first hand how it absolutly destroys the people around the person who commits suicide, I just hope people try and fight this out first. You never know what tommorow brings.

Sorry, I meant a forum post asking for ways to commit suicide, not your post. From what I have seen, suicide breeds suicide, so I am not sure I am comfortable with this whole topic on here.... as it makes it more and more an acceptable way out rather than fighting. I don't know, wish there were more admins around.

I'm really not comfortable with this on the forum... A friend of mine hung herself last month and it is too much to hear yet more people wanting to do the same. Can I ask how many years you guys have had this? I know we are all different, but i've been at a very severe hppd level for over 20 years now, and you find coping mechanisms. My depression went after 3 years or so, which made life more bearable and I pushed myself to confront my social anxiety to the point where I can do things without meds. It's not easy, but it is a life worth living still. Have you even tried going med free and just facing your demons? This is where you build your coping mechanisms. I dealt with this for 13 years without meds and it was probably what made me so strong minded. I'd give it a go, if you haven't... I'd also just pack your bags and go travelling before doing anything drastic. PM me if you need to chat (same goes for anyone)

Hi, welcome to the site. First thing to note is you really have to stop the MDMA and weed, if you haven't already. MDMA will make this shit into a living hell, I speak from experience as someone who had a milder hppd from LSD, and, like yourself, I actually quite enjoyed it. But MDMA sent me into a really bad place. With regard to coping mechanisms, they will come with time. I'm 21 years in now and, thought I am far from great, I do have ways to cope. Avoid stress, avoid drugs, avoid caffiene, use klonopin in a controlled way to avoid addiction, don't look back with regrets or anger, get fit, get out in nature, avoid situations that freak you out but don't shy away from living your life. Keep on fighting, Jay

Not enough people showed interest. If we can get 10 people interested, I will get back in touch with him.

Welcome Reno. I was in the wilderness for 15 years too, luckily found this place 6 or so years ago after trying every search term I could think of... it's a horrible feeling not knowing what this is and quite a relief to find other people who understand. I'm sure you will find some invaluable info here. The anti pyschs and anti depressent meds are very bad for most hppd sufferers, so be sure to tell your doctors. Maybe try looking the direction of Keppra or Lamictal... They didn't help me, but have helped others here. All the best, Jay

My vision flashes about 6 times a second, this creates a strobe like visual issue that affects the way I percieve motion. It's probably my most annoying symptom. I've not found anything that helps really, klonopin reduces it a bit, i guess

I would get a 2nd opinion...., anti pysch meds are very strong and have a history of making hppd sufferers feel even worse. As scary as it is right now, I would try to sit it out without meds.... Eat healthy, get excerising, go 100% clean (no alcohol, no smoking and obviously no drugs).... At this stage, you have a really good chance of recovery. Some benzos for really tough moments might be a good idea, just be sensible with them. Keep on fighting, Jay

HPPD gave me psychic powers If you can find some, get yellow lens, that seemed to help with all the crazy visuals that I tend to get when looking at blue (eg, looking at the sky). It also makes life look a bit happier! Yea... You can get away with it more in the music industry... Just tell them you fucked up your eyes through lsd overuse, no one will bat an eyelid When I was getting pressure headaches, I used sunglasses for about 6 months and then didn't really need them again, indoors. Could be just coincidence, but worth a try. I use Mac.... Feel free to PM any time

Hey mate, I used to get this alot.... I started wearing sunglasses whenever I could, indoors or out. People will take the piss, but that's life. After a few months, the headaches went away.... Whether this would work for you, who knows, ut might be worth a try. ps - I was a sound engineer in my early 20s too,,, Loved it, mainly studio work, but some live stuff too. I'm getting back into production again now... Just got Reason 9 and a nice Korg keyboard, along with a nice audio I/O for guitar and bass... Really enjoying it

My hppd sounds a similar level and still is after 20 years, but don't panic. I carried on drug use for years after a severe trip on a microdot that first took me to this level of hppd... You have done the right thing and stopped now, so you have a far better chance of recovering. Just do everything you can to avoid stress, if you have to quit work/college or whatever for a while, do it. If you are a strong minded individual, I would probably recommend getting some benzos to give yourself a break 2-3 days a week.... This will also help you get a sleep rythmn back, which will help your recovery (maybe get some melatonin too). Be sure to fully research benzo use though, it will seem like a magic bullet and is all too easy to start using everyday. Having an addiction and withdrawals along with severe hppd is probably a living hell though. Plenty of horror stories on here, be sure to read them, if you do go down this route.

Hard to answer that question, but you recovered once before.. So I think it can happen again, probably take a similar amount of time, maybe less. Don't beat yourself up over it, this happens to most everyone on here. Just make sure to learn from this set back.... Your brain/body is telling you that you are not built for drug taking, it's gonna be difficult saying no... But trust me, that difficulty is nothing compared to a life of madness that hppd brings. There is plenty of fun still to be had... You can enjoy some beers, get laid, go travelling etc etc ... meditation/yoga if you feel a spiritual void is lacking when you stop the drugs. Hell, in a few years you might even be able to light up a mild joint without any problems. Good luck, Jay

Klonopin is pretty much the only thing that helps me, med wise. It is highly addictive and tolerance building though, so you will need a plan of action. I take it 4 days a week and then 3 days off, with a 10 day break every 2 months... This has worked for me for 6-7 years now, no tolerance, no withdrawals. 1.5mg reduces my symptoms by about 60%, maybe 70%... It means I can get out there and get stuff done. Neither Keppra or Sinemet didn't work for me, but has helped other... Certainly worth a try. Keep on fighting... PM me if you need anything.

Hopefully the fact that you managed to more or less overcome it once means your body/brain or whatever can do it again. One thing to make sure not to do is to beat yourself up about falling back into drugs again... That just adds an extra layer of stress... Its' done... Learn from it, but don't over analyse it. good luck mate

2016 has been the same as 2006 and 1996... a tripped out year with some ups and downs, some screw ups and some betterment of myself! I'm happy that I have a new neurologist in the UK and he has been great, very compassionate and helped. Awaiting EEG and MRI results, so hopefully 2017 brings some answers. On a less personal note, 2016 can fucking do one.... Trump, Brexit, right wing idealogies, disgusting fake wars, ISIS, terror, media hate mongering, russian airstrikes, trucks mowing down families and a steady march towards the end of the world Happy Holidays!

my new year's resolution is to get a better grip on my drinking.... I'm not gonna quit, as i feel i deserve some fun in my life, but want to try really hard to stop getting drunk to the point where I am blacking out or doing things that i regret. As we all know though, once you have had a few, it becomes hard to stay rational!