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Everything posted by Jay1
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Does this sound like hppd?
Jay1 replied to Hppdsince2011's topic in Symptoms: Descriptions, Discussion, Debate
If it is like a camera flash, then that is know as an after image, which is part of the hppd visual symptoms, but I would recommend going to see a doctor too. It is certainly not a known symptom of schizophrenia. -
Remember that clonazepam is highly addictive and also makes you very tired and forgetful. Use it only when you need it.
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The way I see it is simple... If you can still smoke weed and not have a complete breakdown, you have not come close to reaching your hppd limit. Whether you want to try and find that limit is up to you and the easiest way is to carry on taking drugs. I'm saying this as someone who get milder hppd and then kept pushing my limit until I had a life crippling disorder.
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Welcome, have things improved since that first year?
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This is quite funny really: "Can i still smoke weed?" "well, staying totally sober is the best bet" "What about spice?" "well, staying totally sober is the best bet, no more drugs of any kind" "Just some coke then?"
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Other HPPD symptoms apart from visual
Jay1 replied to Jason English's topic in Symptoms: Descriptions, Discussion, Debate
How about clonazepam or one of the other benzos? They are the only meds that have any impact on my tripiness. -
Other HPPD symptoms apart from visual
Jay1 replied to Jason English's topic in Symptoms: Descriptions, Discussion, Debate
I feel ya, i'm 23 years in now. I describe it as being stuck in those last few hours of a trip, where you are starting to feel a bit more normal, but still not quite there. Have you tired any meds? -
Other HPPD symptoms apart from visual
Jay1 replied to Jason English's topic in Symptoms: Descriptions, Discussion, Debate
Yep, this is known as dp/dr (depersonalisation and derealisation). It often goes hand in hand with hppd visual symptoms. It's my most hated symptom. The feeling of being on a boat is also connected to this, imho. We do not feel 100% connected to our body and it puts us off balance. Even the smallest head movement can make me feel disconnected. I've always maintained that what people often refer to as hppd is actually 3-4 issues in one. Hppd visuals, anxiety, dp/dr and sometimes depression. Clonazepam is the only thing that helps me reduce these symptoms. -
My advice is to go completely sober of everything that can affect hppd (negatively or positively) so that you get to know and understand your baseline. If you just jump straight into meds that will hide your symptoms, you might then start doing things that are making you worse without really noticing it. Give it 2-3 months and see what happens with your baseline. You might start naturally recovering... If you don't, then look into meds. If the hppd gets really bad during that time though, then yes, benzos can really help.
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If you want the best chance to heal, you need to stay totally sober... No spice, no weed, no anything.
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Weed is going to make things worse, no doubt.
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Just try to relax and see how you heal over the next few months... Don't do any more drugs, try to eat well and exercise and just do things that take you mind off hppd (films, tv, books, sports... whatever works)
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i get outlines.. but green and blue vision shaking, not sure... more like flashing/flickering, but it does seem like micro judders in my visions too. Last two, i don't get. Smoking weed is not gonna help though
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Interested to hear how you get on. Good luck
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Severe disequilibrium and motion sickness
Jay1 replied to Aspiepj's topic in Symptoms: Descriptions, Discussion, Debate
Yea, that swimming feeling is very much something I get too. I've always associated it with dpdr, but it could be something physical, or both. -
Severe disequilibrium and motion sickness
Jay1 replied to Aspiepj's topic in Symptoms: Descriptions, Discussion, Debate
I get a feeling of being off balance, which I think is part of the dp/dr... I don;t feel attached to my body, so controlling my body is harder to do. I assume you are seeing a doctor, so maybe they can do some tests. It could be non hppd related and just coincidence? -
No one can say for sure if it will go away. I've had it for 23 years now. What is 100% sure is that doing more drugs will 1) Slow down any chance of recovery and 2) Bring the potential to make things MUCH worse. This is your body giving you a massive alarm bell.
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I would try to avoid getting full on drunk, as that has shown to have caused prolonged spikes in some people here. We're all different, but I think the pros of enjoying a few beers outweigh the cons... and yes, I blast the hangovers with clonazepam too.
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I bet if you bought up the fact that you are considering suicide, you would quickly discover that you are far from a burden. I've seen too many people kill themselves thinking they are worthless, when in fact everyone around them loves and cares for them
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Increased my visuals a bit, made dp/dr quite a bit worse. Not worth it
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I feel for you... The combination of mental and physical pain is just unbearable. I really hope the surgery works well for you, you deserve it. But please keep on fighting, you are both great people with an inner strength that not many possess and have helped countless people on here.
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I'm currently looking forward to a few things... Snowboard trip to Finland in early January... Having some amazing friends from Portugal/Canada visit in late January... Snowboard trip to Tignes in March. Me and my dad also have a trip planned to go and watch the huge waves that hit Nazare in Portugal (100ft+ waves)... That could be any time over the next few months. You have to put yourself out there and carry on living. Anxiety is usually at it's worst before an event... once you are there, the anxiety is usually lessened... Once you know this and can control your mindset, things get easier. Just say yes to anything you would have enjoyed before hppd and deal with the situation as and when... If you are having a bad day when the event arrives, just bow out (or blast a benzo down!)
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Keep on fighting mate, I know how hard it is, but you never know what is around the corner. What is your current situation, are you on any meds? PM me if you need anything, even just to rant.
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Keep on fighting mate... at 19, you have the years on your side to see a full recovery or even a cure.. Even if you are in it for the long run, life can get better.