brendan Posted October 7, 2012 Report Share Posted October 7, 2012 But generally, it seems this is one aspect of hppd that a lot of people recover from to a large degree. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkey_magic Posted October 7, 2012 Report Share Posted October 7, 2012 I never know the right word to put in a sentence anymore when speaking. It just hits a dead end sometimes and I'm like 'aaararrghgghghgh' which doesn't help. Especially when i know without hppd the word i want would pop out fluidly through the fog like a articulated motherfucker. I need the 10/20 second buffer in my brain but obviously you don't get that in a purely talking face to face with someone sense. Makes you look like a right retard. Thank god for writing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myrslingerbult Posted October 7, 2012 Report Share Posted October 7, 2012 I never find the right word. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
r.trudeau Posted October 7, 2012 Author Report Share Posted October 7, 2012 Well, I am glad to hear that it was most likely go away with time. I think I've said this in this topic or a previous topic, but I think speech problem associated with HPPD is purely anxiety related. Whenever I drink or pop a benzo it is as if there wasn't any speech issues to begin with. ugh Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gmo Posted October 7, 2012 Report Share Posted October 7, 2012 ^^^^ Do you still use drugs??? Like recreationally??? I know this isn't related to the thread, I'm just curious. I really miss drugs:(......the last few shows I've been to I was stone cold sober. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
r.trudeau Posted October 7, 2012 Author Report Share Posted October 7, 2012 i recognise everything here, but i am so much better than i was. It was like your mouth was a pipe and if there was more than one way of saying something then all possible permutations would try and squeeze out of the pipe and get stuck so it came out a bit jumbled. I also thought i had a hearing problem - but my hearing sense is fine but understanding goes if hard to follow or background noise. A freind who was a confident talker took lsd and ended up with hppd - he would sit quietly in the corner with a thesaurus in his pocket and would sit there looking at it, working out what he would have said if he could remember the word. May help to get a job where you have to talk to the general public. I have to and i think it helps as you have to say basically the same thing so not too demanding but do have to explain yourself to a wide variety of people, tho my speech starts to go when i'm tired. Your friends kind of sounds like myself to a lesser extent, I sat silently in the corner with my smart phone, it was much more efficient. I have a really demanding job, that requires me to use my communication skills during the full eight hour shift. I am a nurses aid at a hospital; I verbally have to tell family members about their loves one condition, if they died and ect ect ect & report to doctors/nurses all day, and most importantly provide care to my patients..whether it be injecting insulin or helping an old lady cope with the fact that she is about to lose a limb. I deal with stuff like that all day. Anyways, back to the point..my mouth is running all day. Maybe I am just over thinking my speech problem after all... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
r.trudeau Posted October 7, 2012 Author Report Share Posted October 7, 2012 ^^^^ Do you still use drugs??? Like recreationally??? I know this isn't related to the thread, I'm just curious. I really miss drugs:(......the last few shows I've been to I was stone cold sober. Yes, only because my visuals are gone. I smoke a bowl about ever other night to relax and wind down, drink about 3x a month and usual use about 2mgs of a benzo a week....all taken recreationally. BUT, I never will touch lsd/shrooms/2C drugs again, the only drug I could see myself doing in the far future is MDMA at shows, but that won't happen for a year or so. HPPD has taught me how to have respect for any drugs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
r.trudeau Posted October 7, 2012 Author Report Share Posted October 7, 2012 I really want to trip again because miss it soooo much, but we all know it isn't worth relapsing. Sometimes I feel like having HPPD is worse than cancer as f'ed as that sounds. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mgrade Posted October 7, 2012 Report Share Posted October 7, 2012 just be careful when you play with fire. .....Real question is why do you want to alter your reality? The answer often is you don't like your reality. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
r.trudeau Posted October 7, 2012 Author Report Share Posted October 7, 2012 when I played with fire last time I got brunt for two years, so probably not going to take any risk like that ever again. I just miss using psychedelics because I liked being able to think in abstract ways and, ect, ect, and ect. You guys already know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mgrade Posted October 7, 2012 Report Share Posted October 7, 2012 Yeah i know. Just don't end up back here again once you've recovered. lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
morbide Posted October 8, 2012 Report Share Posted October 8, 2012 Yeah i know. Just don't end up back here again once you've recovered. lol. Word, though it would be lovely if she stayed and posted as a reminder that you can get better (With keppra...) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkey_magic Posted October 8, 2012 Report Share Posted October 8, 2012 Reality really is overrated. But hindsights a a fine thing as well. I certainly would have went down a different drug route given my chance again. Escape through alcohol, benzos and painkillers et al. Probs even a bit of coke. As much as I enjoyed most of my trips with phychedelics and learned a lot about myself and the world in an existential sense it's not worth it for the avenues it closes through hppd. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkey_magic Posted October 8, 2012 Report Share Posted October 8, 2012 I really want to trip again because miss it soooo much, but we all know it isn't worth relapsing. Sometimes I feel like having HPPD is worse than cancer as f'ed as that sounds. I've said that sooo many times. Cancer, you live or you die. Its more clean cut than hppd. I've also had the whole 'would I rather have one limb, be blind, deaf, fuckin Ebola virus or whatever convo with myself when I'm really bad as well. And I prob would to be fair. But when you come out the troughs you think 'fuck sake, get a grip' lol. But then on the news tonight, a 18 year old girl having her party in a wine bar had a cocktail that had dry ice for aesthetic effect (can't mind the name for dry ice chemical wise, Heids well slow tonight...hydrogen??) and the chemical hadn't abated and she suffered damage to her stomach and had to have it fully removed. At 18. That's a right bastard. Shit goes down as well outwith LSD and psychedelics. Were all unlucky as fuck but There's other unlucky fuckers out there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mgrade Posted October 8, 2012 Report Share Posted October 8, 2012 Not doubt there is endless stuff that i have learned from psychedelics. I have learned about the universe, life, society, math, nature, philosophy, etc. But it's like that song: "....you reached for the secret too soon..." You can see where Syd ended up. ......LSD is such a potent drug that it would be easy to over do it.......Can you really tell the difference between 50ug and 1mg of LSD just by looking? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gmo Posted October 9, 2012 Report Share Posted October 9, 2012 just be careful when you play with fire. .....Real question is why do you want to alter your reality? The answer often is you don't like your reality. I don't really agree with that......I hear people say stuff like that all the time. Stuff like drug users are trying to escape reality or they're trying to mask some deep seeded internal issues or something like that.....and that might be the case for some people, but I think a lot of people(including myself) just think it's fun to get messed up. I just really liked going to shows and taking drugs, I wasn't trying to escape reality or anything like that or cope with childhood trauma or something, I just liked the feeling. I don't mean any disrespect or anything, I'm just saying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mgrade Posted October 9, 2012 Report Share Posted October 9, 2012 No I totally understand..........and that's not exactly what i am saying. I have a relatively long history of drug use (...and I am certainly not the be-all judge). In fact, I'm still on drugs (legally prescribed). I'm not saying it is something to escape reality because of whatever reason. Your reasoning for taking drugs is "it's fun to get messed up". But what would make you feel like you need to get messed up? .....You have a couple of things in my mind: stress-relief, entertainment, spiritual enlightenment, etc. But the real feeling behind that is: my life is usually stressful, boring, and entrapping. This is not a reflection of any sort of deep-seated internalized childhood trauma. Drug use becomes more of deep cathartic experience --but through the use of psychotropic chemicals. The main goal is to find out the root of why you choose these certain chemicals. But the main goal is to find basic self-knowledge. Since if you don't understand the basis for your desires, emotions and actions, this would be sheer ignorance. I'm not against these sorts of drugs for anyone but myself. I understand the idea of just wanting to get fucked-up because i have a lot of experience with this feeling. I have learned a lot from the allies and the teachers but there comes a time when you respect how the mind thinks sober, unclouded, and not confused. This was one revelation I made on LSD, that in this world there is a huge problem with communication: communication breakdowns, confusion, mistakes, mis-hearing, misperception, deception, deceit, treachery, etc. Sadly many illegal drugs lead to lasting problems, confusion and it seems that somewhere along the line people just gave up. You start chasing a desire rather than to seek in yourself, entelechy and inherent knowledge you have of the universe in which we are contained. And herein lies the idea of addiction, to anything, has a real connection to the reward system. [...By the way, I am a nicotine addict]. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
miketusa Posted October 9, 2012 Report Share Posted October 9, 2012 I agree wtih -mg. In my experience with drugs, and from what a friends parent said, who spent many, many years tripping on LSD and taking ecstacy. I think there is going to be a time where you realize that normal reality is the best reality, if you get what im saying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
r.trudeau Posted October 9, 2012 Author Report Share Posted October 9, 2012 Word, though it would be lovely if she stayed and posted as a reminder that you can get better (With keppra...) I'll chime in every now and then, there is hope for all of you. Keppra, exercise, healthy diet, reading and ect..cured me, but one won't know if it will work for one unless you try. Also, I wouldn't spend too much time on this forum, it gets kinda depressing at times..go read a book, go for a walk, just do normal shit guys. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
r.trudeau Posted October 12, 2012 Author Report Share Posted October 12, 2012 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mgrade Posted October 15, 2012 Report Share Posted October 15, 2012 You know r.trudeau, you should really consider switching teams. We need you on our side. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
r.trudeau Posted October 21, 2012 Author Report Share Posted October 21, 2012 I am always going to play for your guys team, I want to help as much as I can, but I do believe that anxiety that surround hppd is mainly all in your head. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
r.trudeau Posted October 21, 2012 Author Report Share Posted October 21, 2012 I agree wtih -mg. In my experience with drugs, and from what a friends parent said, who spent many, many years tripping on LSD and taking ecstacy. I think there is going to be a time where you realize that normal reality is the best reality, if you get what im saying. I totally get what you're saying. Couldn't said it better myself man! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myrslingerbult Posted October 21, 2012 Report Share Posted October 21, 2012 Hppd has given me speech problems. I have a hard time finding the right words and sometimes i can speak slurred. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mgrade Posted October 21, 2012 Report Share Posted October 21, 2012 yeah i'v hade speech issues with hp too myrs-- ---Sorry rtrudeau--that comment about switching teams was about "orientation": it was just a joke at the time ----mean no harm Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now