(Almost) Recovered

[ferret]

I was super sick yesterday, but I didn't notice any worsening of HPPD symoptoms. I had hypnagogic hallucinations for the first time in a while but I think It was just because I was so tired and couldn't fall asleep because of stomach pains and constant trips to the bathroom. My visuals are basically gone. The only visual I get now is a hard to describe glare in darker enviroments, its kind of like a really thin layer of visual snow but can be hard to see through. Im really confident that I'll make it back to 100% somewhat soon and even if I don't living with what I currently have would be easy as long as it doesn't get worse. I'm gonna try to not drink at all untill august and maybe for the whole summer. It will be hard to stay sober at college so hopefully by then alcohol will have no effect on my HPPD. HPPD can be overcome.

[morbide]

Good to hear that things are going so well for you ferret! For the last two days my visuals has been really bad, i hope this is just a bad period and not a new "normal".

[2muchmandy]

Thats what I have ! Its not like snoq its a sheen or glare and I can see the movement just not snow.

Harry I really hope it gets better man. Last week was bad for me but u gotta push through my friend. Keep taking magnesium and lay off the booze

[ferret]

Yeah mandy the glare is so hard to discribe. Is yours over your whole field of vision? Mine is just in places.

[ferret]

I'd say I'm 99% cured. I get that glare sometimes, and in the dark I still have some visual snow but not very much. DR is completely gone and anxiety is almost gone too. It feels so good to be able to stop worrying about this shit.

[zukov]

How long take you to recover?

[ferret]

Its been just over 4 months.

[ferret]

I feel like I should keep updating this just so newcomers to the site see that you can recover.

I'm still feeling great but had a horrible afterimage today that lingered and all of my vision around it seemed kind of smudged together but somehow It didn't freak me out, I now have confidence that my vision will always go back to normal when I get weird things like that.

I've tried meditaing recently but don't really know how to. I've just tried to relax and focus on peace and happiness. Does anyone know any good methods for meditation?

[2muchmandy]

I really am getting the glare now. Like I kinda thought I had it before but I really understand now. Its like light reflecting off walls even if there isnt any like directly hitting it. It is almost like an after image but its blurred and all fucked up. Do u think this is the tail end of hppd? The trickling steamy sorta non visual snow. The closed eye visuals not being geometric patterns anymorr. Its like the definition and psychedellia of it all is faded, now its just a mess that is hopefully reverting to normality

[ferret]

I really am getting the glare now. Like I kinda thought I had it before but I really understand now. Its like light reflecting off walls even if there isnt any like directly hitting it. It is almost like an after image but its blurred and all fucked up. Do u think this is the tail end of hppd? The trickling steamy sorta non visual snow. The closed eye visuals not being geometric patterns anymorr. Its like the definition and psychedellia of it all is faded, now its just a mess that is hopefully reverting to normality

How often do you get it? I got mine whenever I was in dim (but not quite dark) places for a little while but now its getting rarer. I get it or weak visual snow a few times a day and about once a week I seem to have some really weird visual disturbance that dont seem to repeat. Do you see normally for most or part of the day? If so then I definately think you are close to the end?

It sucks that I may never be able to see completely normally all the time again but I am close enough now so that it doesn't really bother me.

[2muchmandy]

Yeah it only really happens in dim light. Very very mild snow. Im so close I can taste the beeeeer

[ferret]

Good. I still think you should put off drinking until a few months after feeling recovered. I think me drinking so early was a mistake even though it didn't do that much damage to me, I'm gonna wait atleast untill august before I try again.

[2muchmandy]

Im not drinking til next year

[morbide]

It's impossible to not drink during summer bbq only fits with beer or red wine

[2muchmandy]

True true. Iv just decided I wwnna be normal. If I want fun and madness il go drifting. Beer can wait.

[zukov]

Not drink really sucks.... but its a low price to pay... i discovered few weeks ago that the alcohol really make more "emotional unstable" and i stop drink since i notice that. Now im practice something more difficult: go party and drink water...and be happy!

[ferret]

Its tough not drinking when others are. I really hope that I can drink a few times a month with no side-effect by the time college starts.

I feel good right now. I've given up on trying to understand life because life makes no fucking sense. I think therefore I am- thats alI I can know and I have to learn to accept that. Just be happy and help others to do the same, nothing else really matters. Good luck everyone.

[ferret]

Progress has slowed down but its still occuring. Snow is still there in the dark but its getting easier to ignore. I had a weird visual yesterday, I was in a lecture hall with vertical striped wallpaper but kind of in a weird design and my brain just couldn't handle looking at the wall that was close to me it would get all jumbled even though I could see the far wall fine. I'm pumped for college I really hope that I can drink.

[ferret]

I went to the eye doctor a few days ago. I didn't tell her about hppd I just told her that I see static in the dark. She said that eye strain or dehydration could lead to that. That is probably why glasses/contacts reduce visual snow. The dehydration thing is probably why hangovers tend to increase visual snow. That makes me feel a little better about drinking but I'm still gonna wait.

[miketusa]

Just be careful man. One night of drinking made mine permanently worse. All I had before was VS. If I hadnt drank that night, like I had planned, I would consider myself completely cured by now. Now im battling these stupid starbursts. I'm a very impulsive person, I dont have any sort of addictions, I just say "fuck it" way too often. Id say if you are going to drink, take it really really slow. Which, im sure you would!

[ferret]

Last night and this morning have been very hard HPPD wise but hopefully it will pass. I just had a really fucked up hallucination, I'm not really sure if I was awake for it or not, hopefully it was just another hypnagogic halucination but it was definately my worst one yet and the first one I've had in nearly 2 months.

[ferret]

I already posted this recap on the other thread but I guess I'll post it here too.

On the fourth so I went to see fireworks. I stupidly started worrying that the fireworks were somehow going to give me visuals and that fear (even though I knew it was stupid) along with the loud bangs from the fireworks increased my anxiety a bit. i then went to a small party where some people were smoking weed. I explained to them why I couldn't smoke and they were cool about it but they were smoking and since HPPD I get scared every time I'm around pot that I'm going to get a second-hand high and fuck up my HPPD. I reallly dont think that I could have inhaled enough smoke last night to effect me but my tolererance is low and I was feeling knd of goofy after a while (i usualy do when I'm tired).

Anyways the fear of getting worse from second-hand pot smoke also increased my anxiety and I started to notice a little snow in darker areas (but lighter than where I usually see snow). Anyways I went Home and tried to get to sleep but I started noticing CEVs again. Honestly the CEVs didn't bother me and I kind of enjoyed them because they have become so rare now and I got to sleep. This morning I woke up at like 5 (I planned to get up at 8) and tried to get back to sleep but I was really distracted thinking about something urelated so I stayed awake in bed for a while. I started to realize that I was having nonsensical thoughts. I was like imagining someone telling me a story in my head and all the sudden realised it and didn't know where I had gotten the story from, i couldn't really remember it but it had something to do with the narator buying somehing (I know that sounds fucking insane but I was half asleep so it really wasn't that fucked up, it used to happen a lot when I first got HPPD). It didn't really bother me because it used to happen a lot so i just thought it was kind of funny.

Remember that I have slept with a light on since HPPD. The following event became really hard to remember almost imediately after it happened so I'll try to give the best account that I can. All of the sudden I felt like something was really wrong I tryed looking to the side of my bed but my feild of vision was really small like my eyes were half open (although they may have either been fully open or fully closed). When I looked beside the foot of my bed I noticed that my fan was on even though I knew it had been unplugged for the past week because I got an A/C. I suddenly felt the rush of the air flow over me and a chill come over me. I started to shake but there were fewer yet larger shakes that I usually have. I worried that someone must be in my room (I sleep with my door locked) and must have just turned the fan on. I tryed looking up towards my head but it felt like it took forever to change where I was looking. Suddenly I heard the voice Of someone I know saying "Garrett, I'm right here" or something like that in a really creepy way. The person whos voice I heard was pretty random, I know them well enough to recognize their voice but they aren't a significant part of my life and I don't even think I've seen them for a month. Anyways as I heard the voice my vision shifted up enough to see the speaker laying beside me (but up a little higher up on the bed). They were wearing dark colors and my vision never shifted up enough to see their face.

Before I saw their face I "came to". The fan was off and I was alone. I'm not sure if my eyes were open or closed for this "dream" but the room was portrayed quite accurately in it other than the fan. Somehow I wasn't that panicked from it and managed to keep my composure and just layed in bed for a little while. For a second I was shaking in my bed the same as I had been in the "dream". I'm not really sure if this was another Hypnagogic hallucination or if I'm going completely insane. The barrier between the "dream" and "coming to" seemed very thin, it didn't feel like waking up, Its hard to describe, maybe it was just that way because the anxiety had me wake up so quickly.

I'm pretty sure that is was just a hypnagogic hallucination now but I'm still freaked out by it.

[ferret]

I think my HPPD is like it was before that episode but I feel like shit. Last night was horrible I drank a little. Like a real real little, only like a half a beer but I'm still pissed at myself for drinking when I said I wasn't going to. I'm usually good at resisting peer pressure but not when it comes from pretty girls. My memory has been so shitty lately I can barely remember last night and I obviously wasn't drunk. I was an asshole last night. My life sucks

[ferret]

I'm sorry if it annoys anyone that I keep updating this thread but I think its good for newcomers to see recovery threads.

My visual snow is gone tonight. The darkness seems to "glow" a little bit but its been so long since I've seen darkness It might be completely normal. If I look for snow I can see a little but not imediately. Hopefully It will stay this way, but it might not, I'll let you know. If it wasn't for that hallucination the other morning I could call myself cured!!!

My anxiety is higher than it was pre-hppd but Its not bad. I am going to be super chill when it dies down because I have learned how to control it and how insignificant 90% of what bothers most people is. I think I'm probably gonna start drinking prior to when I planned but only if a certain opportunity presents itself because it would be worth it in the position I am currently in. I'm not going to go overboard though.

Peace and love to everyone!

[ferret]

I'm basically over HPPD but I'm depressed as hell right now. I don't think its a "chemical depression" I just think its because my life sucks. Something changes and gives me hope that things will get better but then they just get worse. I should be thankful that I'm somehow cured of HPPD but I just feel like my life is so pointless. I'm probably gonna have a flare up soon with symptoms even worse then before that will stick around with the way things go in my life. I hope college is better than this.