Got my HPPD three days ago, scared?

[Passion]

I was out like.. ten minutes ago. <: In Sweden it is 11 pm now, so it is dark.

It felt good to be able to be outside when it's dark.. but ofcourse as I too live in a city, there are lights everywhere.

The darkness made me actually forget about everything for a while <:

[2muchmandy]

u hangin in there ok passion?

[Passion]

Yes, I do. <: Thanks for asking.

I am trying to accept it. But.. damn.. Tonight I discovered that It feels like I can see my.. "blindspot" in the eye. .___.

Can't really explain. But.. at night I feel like theres a little spot in the vision that is bothering me alot. It is irritating because it feels like

I have some garbage under my eyelid.

But to the strange part now:

It feels like it is in the left eye. But.. When I close the right eye.. It dissapears.. And when I open my right eye and close my left.. it is still gone.

So I only see it at night with both my eyes open. .____. It is strange.

Except for that I am trying to accept it.

Saw a movie called "Numb" yesterday, it is not about HPPD.. it is about DP...

Good movie. <:

Sometimes it feels that I am more afraid of my DPDR than I am of my HPPD. :c

But at the same time it feels like my DPDR is there because of my HPPD.

It made me see the world differently.

[morbide]

Var inte rädd, det ordnar sig alltid!

Writing the rest in english As mandy said earlier Dp and dr is mainly a biproduct of anxiety so if you need help with your anxiety, medecine might not be a stupid way. I was really scared to take anxietyreducers but now a couple of months later i am thankful what i did, they did not affect hppd in a bad way thank god but they are making the snow and static thinner.

You should ask for atarax at the doctor, very easy to get prescribed and it only costs 55 kr! It's not addictive what so ever either.

You can also read more about people with hppd on http://www.flashback.org/ just search for it. And atleast you don't have as bad hppd as this guy: https://www.flashback.org/t622040

[Passion]

Blev fan paff när jag såg första raden. <:

Shall maybe try it.. later. If it don't go away of itself.. Hahah.

I am scared of the moment when I start using the medication and then suddenly decide to stop

and then KABOOM I am back to not being in my own body again.

If I am going to be like this forever. Then I don't want to feel how I used to feel before this feeling. :c

Because it will only give me the feeling of regret. Hahah, hard to explain.. or find the words.

I am happy that I am not that guy. But I too experienced the "two dimension"-thing he wrote about. I feel

it from time to time. Not SO much.. But slightly.. For example when I'm in the woods and where there are lots of trees.

I see it sometimes like those "3D books" for kids. ( http://augmentedblog.files.wordpress.com/2008/10/old_school.jpg )..

What does Atarax do? Why do people buy that sort of medicine?

I don't want people to know that I have used drugs XD Hahah.. :C That would suck.

[morbide]

Atarax is a VERY mild yet effective anxietyreducer, i take one every night and i never havr dp/dr.

[2muchmandy]

I was confused when u join morbide I thought u were like, I dunno I thought u were just lovin drinkin still and not taking shit seriously but when u started practising techniques or reduction and trying anxiety things and stuff I really respected that. I think il try that stuff too for going to bed

[morbide]

Haha I realized early that hppd is not something to be taken lightly, i wouldn't do something that would jeopardize my state, i'm smarter than that!

[2muchmandy]

Yeah I think once u have ur first panic attack u think shiiiit. This isnt a game. I need fixed

[Passion]

Today was the first day since the 14th of april that I woke up and my first thought wasn't about my sight.

A whole ten minutes I wondered around without thinking about it. It felt awesome. (The sight didn't improve, I just stopped thinking about it!)

And today was the day when I for whole 3 hours stopped thinking about my sight.. I just forgot about it.

... but yeah.. I spent the next 4 hours thinking ONLY about my sight. (due to boredoom at school.)

And because of my DPDR I started to talk to a stranger, something I won't normally do because of my shyness.

(She was just some girl I saw at some school, among like 200 other students. *I was looking for job*)

Since I sometimes feel that I am in a dreamlike-state I thought, EH.. what the hell. It won't kill me.

Hmm.. and like.. half an hour ago I really SAW my room. For real. I think. Like I normally would see it without the disorder.

Can't really explain. I don't think that the symptoms went away, (I have hard to accept the thing that they might go away, so I don't want to

get excited for nothing), It was more like I ignored the hell out of my symptoms.

I even saw a little bit of the sky today.. Without all of the black dots.

Only floaters. But anyway! It felt good.

My misfortune is finally taking a turn.

Hahah.. It feels like my life have literally been shit since the 14th april.

Shit have happened every day.. I couldn't have a day without something bad happening.

There were no room for happiness..

Today was the first day I felt good again.

I AM SO HAPPY.

Sorry for unimportant wall of text.

[Jay1]

I AM SO HAPPY.

Sorry for unimportant wall of text.

It is very important.... We all need to hear some good news on here

[Passion]

This is a gif that can explain how I see things sometimes.. Or.. Yes.. Something like that.

It's the best way to explain.

[2muchmandy]

yess thats great news, its all about acceptance. fighting it wont help u

[morbide]

I don't think that i'll ever accept my condition, sometimes i feel like this is just a 'test' by like 'god' or something, and i'm not religious at all but i always try to find my own answers to things... And they're all stupid

[Passion]

It has come to the point where I don't really remember how I saw things before I got this .______.

...but still I hope that everything will be as it was.. and I will recover some time soon. o;

I don't want this to become my "NORMAL".

[morbide]

We all hope to get normal but for each day it feels like my hope diminishes more and more

[Passion]

Don't say so :c When others lose/seem to lose hope, I do too ;c

[Jay1]

Does the way you feel right now really stop you living your life? Are you going to let it? Don't sit around waiting for this to go away.... Just go out and live, you'll be surprised how well you do.

Keep fighting... Keep living

[Passion]

Listen to Jay! He is right.

[2muchmandy]

Hes right it helps. Iv been back on my bike, repairing relationships, still doing my car up, might have a new job. Its hard but life isnt impossible. Once u start building things up for urself u have little time for this disorder

[nepuinthesky]

yeah keep on living

there are blind people which can handle day to day life in a very good way.

last week i saw a blind person in my favourite club.

also waiting to get healed is not an good idea. if it will pass it will pass!

[Passion]

At least I am not blind c; And I'm so thankful for that.

[Passion]

I had worst DPDR ever 5 minutes ago. I am scared. ;c

;c I didn't knew if my teacher was real or not. I didn't knew if I existed and what I was.

[2muchmandy]

least its gone, just try not to question life and stay away from deep philosophy until u get it under control

[morbide]

Don't worry, you're swedish god damn it

I have had much to do since my 'breakdown' a few days ago so i haven't had time to think about hppd and man do i feel good! I even went to a club with all my classmates and teachers, i got kicked out along with my teacher xD Allowing youself to have fun is really rewarding in the end.