Jump to content
Hallucinogen Persisting Perception Disorder (HPPD) Support Forum
Sign in to follow this  
0spryth0

I'm afraid that I won't be able to stay alive until I see improvements

Recommended Posts

Hello,
I just made an account here. 
It's very bad. I wish I would be exaggerating but the amount of pain I am going through is unbelievable and I simply can't take it anymore. 

I have had mild HPPD for 2-3 years. It wasn't even that mild but I saw spiritual meaning in it and I actually enjoyed it. Well for the most part.
Things got bad 8 months ago when I experienced a huge panic attack on LSD. I had Xanax and that drug literally saved my life that day.
But next day I woke up feeling so anxious, hyperaware, it felt like the trip didn't even end. I ended up in the ER a couple days after that since it was either that or suicide. 
I got diagnosed with drug-induced psychosis and was put on antipsychotics, took them for a month or so and didn't see any improvements, only nasty side effects, so I stopped.

Since then it got slightly better. Or at least I think. Well better in that I experience intense episodes less often, but when I do experience them they are as intense as they were on the first day and I simply can't take it anymore.

I suffer from visual distortions but at this point it just annoys me and I learned to not pay attention to them.
Problems I can't handle are DPDR, paranoia, anxiety, hyperawareness and such. I have irrational fears. I can't handle any amount of stress. I can't work. Luckily my parents are ok with me not working until I get better.
Living feels like a punishment. I'm in actual hell. It can't be worse than this. I sleep with the lights on. I have nightmares. I wake up feeling paranoid. I'm so afraid, scared.

I'm currently experiencing intense symptoms. I have days where I feel really good but no matter what eventually something triggers my symptoms and I'm left feeling like shit for days.

Sometimes I take Xanax, 0.5mg, and it helps. Although when anxiety is really bad it's as if I don't even feel that dose. Sometimes I can go a month without taking it, somethings its 2 times a week. I'm being careful with it.


I honestly don't know what to do anymore. When I started writing this my anxiety was over the roof, now I feel better. More relaxed. But It's impossible for me to relax "on will", nothing works. Meditation, breathing,  rationally explaining myself that it's okay, nothing. I feel like I have no control at all sometimes.

And I'm Antonio, M24. I'm pretty sure that I won't make it. It could take years till I get to a point where I'm able to simply take care of myself. But it's no wonder that I feel the way I do, I abused LSD soo much.

  • Upvote 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

First of all: don't do anything rash. This forum isn't as active as it once was but we all care and want to help, and if need be try a more active place to get some help.

Considering how badly you're feeling, and how hopeless, if you're willing to accept being addicted to benzos, I have to admit that getting an every-day prescription to Clonazepam/Klonopin would be a good idea. Xanax's half-life is too short to be helpful long term, whereas Clonazepam has a great track record. It will reduce your symptoms and help you feel more normal again. I totally get where you're at, I was at that same level myself, having the same thoughts. Klonopin is why I'm still here and still feel it's definitely worth sticking around.

The fact that anti-psychotics didn't help and made things worse makes sense: that's the case for all of us, whoever diagnosed you with drug-induced psychosis is an idiot: it's clearly HPPD, not psychosis, and you definitely don't sound at all delusional.

I strongly suggest going on Pubmed, and printing out all the studies you can find on HPPD, specifically those mentioning Clonazepam as effective treatment, printing them out, and bringing them to a Psychiatrist with a working brain (though I know they're in short supply).

I sincerely wish you the best of luck, I totally get where you're at. I'm not as active here as I'd like to be but feel free to PM me anytime and I'll do my best to get back to you as soon as possible.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

(23 yo M) I’ve been suffering from HPPD for over 4 years now and trust me we have all felt that way like everything is hopeless and it’s never gonna get better and that nothing and no one is even real; but that’s not true. My symptoms have decreased almost 80% and it didn’t really start to clear up until like the 3rd year. And dude when it first started I was having the worst time. DPDR, brain fog, tracers, visual snow the works man i was straight up tripping. plus I kept having heavy flashbacks but they stopped after the first 6 months. All I can say it don’t give up keep trying to get better and you will get better. It took me years before I started being able to relax again and feel like a person but you’ll get there you just need to push through the hard part (which is the earlier stages) and you’ll start see changes. Here’s some tips that have helped me:

Try taking omega 3 fatty acid supplements. They help reduce my visual Symptoms. The best way to get omega 3 fatty acids is through fish oil supplements, flax seed oil, chia seeds, and canola oil. I personally go with flax seed oil. Magnesium supplements can reduce visual symptoms. Some people have success with taking valerian root tinctures; but there are some strange side effects with some people who take it. CBD supplements really help with mood and help with the mental symptoms of hppd. L The proper dose for CBD is between 20-100mg per serving. (20-30mg is the threshold level to get the medical benefits and the 50-100mg range is where you get more of a sedation-like effect. Drinking chamomile tea can help with mental symptoms if things start to seem panicky. B-12 supplements can help to reduce stress and anxiety. Meditation helps. 

  • Upvote 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

One thing I want to say about CBD is that if you can order a variant online that claims to be free of THC that's definitely the better route to go.

CBD is very interesting, but also a bit tragic in terms of it's long-term effectiveness: there are a lot of accounts of it helping for a long time then suddenly ceasing to work at all. The same is true for my mother. I convinced her to take CBD for Chron's disease, and it helped for a long time, and then out of the blue it ceased to work at all. It's a stange thing that seems to happen to lots of people that take CBD for any reason, so just be aware of the fact that it may poop-out after a while. Another thing I've noticed, is that if CBD has any traces of THC at all it tends to make me depressed and my thinking strange, so be aware of that as well.

Quite frankly I don't recommend CBD at all, everything else listed though is great advice.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

In my experience, i vape an extremely pure and 1000% biologic grown weed strain, that does have THC.

You have to make sure it was cultivated in the right conditions.

It's actually relaxing and does not bring any side effects, increase or decrease hppd.

I believe harmfull weed, thc, or cbd varies because of the way it was grown and when it was harvested into the flowering cycle (very important).

That's why black market is totally a NO GO

They are so many factors that can deteriorate the benefits.

If you are able to control all these aspects, weed actually does have some perks in calming down anxiety and therefore hppd.

Edited by olivier24445

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
5 hours ago, olivier24445 said:

In my experience, i vape an extremely pure and 1000% biologic grown weed strain, that does have THC.

You have to make sure it was cultivated in the right conditions.

It's actually relaxing and does not bring any side effects, increase or decrease hppd.

I believe harmfull weed, thc, or cbd varies because of the way it was grown and when it was harvested into the flowering cycle (very important).

That's why black market is totally a NO GO

They are so many factors that can deteriorate the benefits.

If you are able to control all these aspects, weed actually does have some perks in calming down anxiety and therefore hppd.

I don't doubt that's true for you, as everybody varies, but I was here a long time before this current account, and in general a sizeable amount of people that have HPPD that end up using marijuana again end up with permanently worse HPPD symptoms. I feel it's not wise advise to give people to take weed, they may be unlucky and it can end up destroying their life even further. I do understand your point of view, I just personally feel like this is the wrong advice to be giving to him, especially right now.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
22 hours ago, Swartz said:

One thing I want to say about CBD is that if you can order a variant online that claims to be free of THC that's definitely the better route to go.

CBD is very interesting, but also a bit tragic in terms of it's long-term effectiveness: there are a lot of accounts of it helping for a long time then suddenly ceasing to work at all. The same is true for my mother. I convinced her to take CBD for Chron's disease, and it helped for a long time, and then out of the blue it ceased to work at all. It's a stange thing that seems to happen to lots of people that take CBD for any reason, so just be aware of the fact that it may poop-out after a while. Another thing I've noticed, is that if CBD has any traces of THC at all it tends to make me depressed and my thinking strange, so be aware of that as well.

Quite frankly I don't recommend CBD at all, everything else listed though is great advice.

Thanks man. I think the reason CBD stops working for people is because they acquire a tolerance over time. When they start off using tinctures they have zero tolerance so it works but then after time your body needs more and more of it to achieve the same effects. Moreover, most cbd tinctures are overpriced and under-dosed. Most places charge $50-$70 for a 500mg tincture. The proper dose for CBD is Between 20-100mg per dose which lasts for about 3 hours. In terms of getting a cbd tincture that has 0% thc I would go with cbd isolate tinctures because the cbd has been scientifically isolated into its crystal form meaning it is separated from the small amount of thc found in hemp. Tinctures that are made from hemp oil extract are more likely to contain that .01-.1% thc you’re worried about. Here’s a link for an isolate tincture that’s fairly priced: https://www.lazarusnaturals.com/shop/tinctures/cbd-flavorless-high-potency

 

  • Upvote 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
10 hours ago, David28 said:

Thanks man. I think the reason CBD stops working for people is because they acquire a tolerance over time. When they start off using tinctures they have zero tolerance so it works but then after time your body needs more and more of it to achieve the same effects. Moreover, most cbd tinctures are overpriced and under-dosed. Most places charge $50-$70 for a 500mg tincture. The proper dose for CBD is Between 20-100mg per dose which lasts for about 3 hours. In terms of getting a cbd tincture that has 0% thc I would go with cbd isolate tinctures because the cbd has been scientifically isolated into its crystal form meaning it is separated from the small amount of thc found in hemp. Tinctures that are made from hemp oil extract are more likely to contain that .01-.1% thc you’re worried about. Here’s a link for an isolate tincture that’s fairly priced: https://www.lazarusnaturals.com/shop/tinctures/cbd-flavorless-high-potency

 

Definitely good advice. As for tolerance, I did think of that and had my mother try to take higher and higher dosages, but it still ceased to help.

There was a special on 60 Minutes, CBS, where they talked about this very phenomena but I don't have a link.

That website looks great.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Sign in to follow this  

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use.