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Hallucinogen Persisting Perception Disorder (HPPD) Support Forum

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So I'm just trying to find some commonalities amongst all of us and determine what the main culprit in causing HPPD is(i.e. frequency, dosage, substance). So if you could just list the drugs you used up until HPPD and what substances you used after HPPD and how frequently, I'd appreciate it. Also, if you could state whether or not your HPPD was instantaneous after a particular experience or gradual.....I guess really I just want like as detailed of an account as your trying to give from the time you started using drugs up until this point. If you don't wanna read this entire thing(It's kinda long) just skip to the bottom.

Story:

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{So for me I smoked weed for about a year before my HPPD "hit" I had done ecstasy around 20-25 times, taken LSD about 5 times, shrooms once, cocaine twice, and pills every now and then(klonopin, xanax, vicodin) but not very often. The bulk of my ecstasy use was the summer before I got into LSD.......After all my ecstasy use I had a little HPPD, I would see trails on certain things and I had a little light sensitivity but nothing out of control. It really didn't bother me at all, everything just looked a little more vibrant and alive. So then sophomore year(when I started using LSD) of college I found a LSD hook up and started trippin. I tripped 3 times over like 1 1/2 months and felt completely fine. No anxiety or weird visuals and my weed highs were still normal. Then I took like a 2 week break and then tripped acid twice more within like 3 weeks of each other. After these two trips things started to go down hill.

These last 2 acid trips I had were terrible. I was really paranoid and one of my friends was screwing with me the entire time and the experiences left me in some odd state of mind. Afterwards things started to look a little "acid-like" when I was sober but I still felt like everything was ok. However whenever I would smoke weed I started to clam up and have a lot of anxiety and couldn't really speak straight at all. So I decided to take a break on weed for Christmas break and when I tried to smoke once second semester started the problems were like 20 times worse. From here on out things gradually got worse and worse, I tried to continue smoking as I thought if I regained my tolerance weed would go back to normal. After a bit of this the weird delusional thoughts and anxiety started creeping into my sober life and I decided to stop smoking weed. But, I did decide to do DMT twice and LSD once in an attempt to have a good experience and maybe redirect where everything was heading. It didn't really help....it made the visuals slightly worse but overall was just a waste of time and money.

So I decided to stop with all the psychedelics and was "sober" for about a month before I went to a 2 day rave. I took ecstasy both days thinking I could never have a bad experience with that but did and that weekend worsened my visuals quite a bit. So........about a month later I got hit with DP and that was about 7 months ago.....I've taken ecstasy twice since DP hit.....Once was terrible and once was actually enjoyable. I've been more or less sober since around August except for a few drinks from time to time. So yea that's my drug story.....all of that was within about a year and a half from the first time I smoked weed to the time I got DP.}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

I don't expect most people to of read all of that but mainly what I'm wanting is just to know what you believe the main culprit of your DP/DR/HPPD was. I think for me it was the two negative experiences I had on LSD. Those two experiences just set in a negative undertone to my subsequent drug use from that point forward. I feel like if I had kept the same frequency of drug usage but avoided those negative trips then I never would've developed anxiety that never would've led to DP and I don't believe my HPPD would've gotten as bad.

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10 shrooms trips, 1 on LSD, quit all drugs because of a horrible experience with laced weed, 5 months after my last shroom trip (4 since the bad experience) i got hit with mild hppd. Did nothing for 3 months, started smoking, drinking, and takin pills (somethin which i wouldve never considered before all this) symptoms slowly got worse, then got hit with mild dp about 5 months into drug use, a bad bender sent me over the edge...all in all, it took almost a year from the time i got HPPD, to the time i got DP, all due to my inability to quit drugs for extended periods of time

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I had ecstasy about twice and smoked weed maybe 20 or so times. I then had srooms 3 weekends in a row and BANG 3rd trip i was seeing static that night when i was coming off it. Next day it was dp. With in a month or 2 it was feeling brain dead.

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i dont drink very often. I've smoked weed less than 10 times. One shroom trip (I took a little over an 8th, which i found out later was about twice what I needed) caused my issues.

It sucks cause i take real good care of myself usually, I workout a little each day and always eat healthy. I feel like this is really shitty luck.

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i dont drink very often. I've smoked weed less than 10 times. One shroom trip (I took a little over an 8th, which i found out later was about twice what I needed) caused my issues.

It sucks cause i take real good care of myself usually, I workout a little each day and always eat healthy. I feel like this is really shitty luck.

Did you have a bad trip on your shrooms experience or was it positive??

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Ive smoked since may last year but 3 acid trips in december caused mine, the first was amazing and the second one went bad (but recovered after a little bit). After the 2nd one I had geometric visual snow for 3 days but it dissapeared after 3 days...I really wish i didn't trip a third time. Its been 2 months since the 3rd trip and the visuals are still here. One night about a week after developing hppd I had kind of a mini flashback (room looked foggy and bright, visual snow got really bad, and I felt kinda weird inside) and I had a dp episode, it might just have been anxiety or fear but I just didn't feel like myself. I didnt quit smoking until today because one night when I got reaaally fried about a week ago I started seeing trails again and they aren't that bad when I'm sober but they are super noticable when I'm high. So I know that weed made a new symptom and LSD started it.

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Scares me to even think....

50+ LSD trips

20+ shrooms

100s of E's

20+ grams of MDMA

100s grams of coke

100s grams of speed

too much weed to remember

too many nights on the booze to remember

I'm lucky to only have hppd really.... some of my mates are proper pyscho now.... think the TV is talking to them and stuff

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I can't really say with any accuracy but the main culprits for me were MDMA (way to many E pills to remember, probably almost a boat, and a 3 week molly binge), LSD (sheets and sheets for about 3 years), mescaline (actual payote but mostly home cooked extracts from San Pedro and Peruvian Torch cacti), 2C-E, and foxy... I have only drank a few times, and other than dexedrine taken as prescribed, I have hardly used any stimulants. Coke maybe a few different nights but nothing I can attribute my HPPD to. I have also done a lot of the newer "research chemicals", and most of them have severely aggravated my condition. I have used a lot of ketamine, and have been a heroin addict for the majority of my life, up until 6 months ago. Been clean from everything ever since, but things have not gotten any better in all my clean time... That is why I joined this sight.

I can attribute my original symptoms to a single night which was compounded with about 2 months of chronic phenethylamine/triptamine use prior to the incident itself. I was on this regimen where I would do a phenethylamine derivative one day and a triptamine the next. My routine was something like this: MDMA one day, LSD the next, mescaline the next, 2 or 3 day break, followed by mushrooms of some sort (mostly Psi. cubes). I would take a few days off and start all over again. during this time I was smoking and growing good strains of bud, and wouldn't go a day without cannabis... Ever. One night I was 20some pills deep and me and a few friends were well into a sheet when I had a seizure type thing (probably attributed to MDMA overdose compounded by a bunch of other horrible things I had put into my body that night). After that incident I have had some relatively mild symptoms compared to the way things are now... But the visuals and mental stuff still made it hard to function. I was just smoking weed, doing a lot of ketamine, and using oxycontin/heroin for a few years after that. I had been using opiates prior to, but they seemed to help my symptoms so if anything it was an excuse to accelerate my usage.

After being free from psychedelics for about a few years, things started to get better. I had lost my humility from the experience that night, and I was ready to start tripping again. I purchased some 2C-E online, and that is when things got much, much worse. I was weighing the powder on some lab scales, and me and a friend had finished and were about to pull off our nitrile gloves. I thought, being the dumb ass I am, that there wouldn't be much powder on the gloves. So, for fun, I licked them and shit has been real rough ever since. I couldn't accurately tell my dose that day but I know it was a lot more than any dose of 2C-E I've ever done before.

It boggles my mind that someone could get HPPD from only using psychedelics just a few times... It makes me think how lucky I am not to be in a mental hospital.

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Oliver you said you stared using drugs like around 12 right? Whered you get the money man hahah, you had some expensive habits.

And Jay, i always thought youd gotten it from like 10 or so trips...thats a pretty extensive history, sounds like you had some good times at least haha

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I started a few days before my 10th B-day but I didn't use opis or psychedelics till about 12. My parents who adopted me had a lot of money, but for the most part I sold to fund my habits... But yeah it has been quite expensive It has been fun but never again, you know?

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Scares me to even think....

50+ LSD trips

20+ shrooms

100s of E's

20+ grams of MDMA

100s grams of coke

100s grams of speed

too much weed to remember

too many nights on the booze to remember

I'm lucky to only have hppd really.... some of my mates are proper pyscho now.... think the TV is talking to them and stuff

Damn dude you were out of control........over how many years did all that go down??

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2с-p couple expiriences

pcp nearly thirty times

dxm the same

dob -5-6 times

doi - 3

25c-nbome 6 times

2c-i 6-8 times

3 ayahuascas

5-meo-mipt 2

5-meo-dalt -1

lsd dozen of times

mdpv - ??

4fa - 10g

Speed - ??

Shrooms 2 times

Did phentanyl couple times.

Hash and jwh in headexploding amounts.

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damn yall did alot of drugs... it only took me a handful of acid trips and a gram or two of MDMA among other things before i started getting symptoms and DP episodes. thank god i found this site and stopped when i learned how much worse it could get.

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Damn dude you were out of control........over how many years did all that go down??

Probably from 13 on the weed and acid.... ramping up to a major party from 16 to 20... very hazy teenage years. My last blow out was June 1996, so I would have been almost 20. After that, I just had a few slip ups on mdma and coke.... but that was the end of my big drug binge.

Some very, very good times, which maybe helps me keep my spirits up, even with all this crazy shit..... I can't imagine you guys who just got it after a couple of trips, it must be soul destorying.... at least I knew the fine line I was walking and had stared into these depths many times before... almost toying with it.... so when it reached breaking point, I kind of embraced it (maybe even wanted it? Nothing like a mental breakdown to help you to quit the party)

To do your first trip and enter this hell must be the absolute worst, most heart wrenching thing I can imagine.

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Probably from 13 on the weed and acid.... ramping up to a major party from 16 to 20... very hazy teenage years. My last blow out was June 1996, so I would have been almost 20. After that, I just had a few slip ups on mdma and coke.... but that was the end of my big drug binge.

Some very, very good times, which maybe helps me keep my spirits up, even with all this crazy shit..... I can't imagine you guys who just got it after a couple of trips, it must be soul destorying.... at least I knew the fine line I was walking and had stared into these depths many times before... almost toying with it.... so when it reached breaking point, I kind of embraced it (maybe even wanted it? Nothing like a mental breakdown to help you to quit the party)

To do your first trip and enter this hell must be the absolute worst, most heart wrenching thing I can imagine.

i never entered hppd hell. but i absolutely developed full-range (like every symptom ive heard of) moderate symptoms from just a handful of uses. im curious by what you mean by this though. are you saying you still appreciate the really good times you had from drugs and then can accept it and put it behind you in a way? In a way i wish i could still live out all the drug experiences i still wanted t do.... but them am confronted by the fucked upness that my DP episodes bring and that makes me accept that i cant to drugs anymore. the negatives WAAAAY out weigh the benefits. but the temptation is ALWAYS there. tonight i slipped up after i took a .5mg klon. then pint of whiskey. then a 20 mg adderall. nothing too crazy.... but it still shows how much im risking even though i know DP could fuck me down the line..

needless to say i feel fuckin good but i know im gonna regret what i just pulled. damnit. after 2 month of soberiety.

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Some times I do get pissed off i got mine so easily. I have the same problem of wanting to keep going though. Just at a music festival or a good gig. If i could just pop a pill once every couple of months. Even try LSD just once to see what its really like. In the end though nothing good comes from drugs and I'm better off cleaning my self up now before I do some thing worse. I only have my self to blame for my situation. I'd find it so much harder to accept if I was in visuals position and someone els gave it to me. (guessing by what you said sounded like someones mistake)

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Some times I do get pissed off i got mine so easily. I have the same problem of wanting to keep going though. Just at a music festival or a good gig. If i could just pop a pill once every couple of months. Even try LSD just once to see what its really like. In the end though nothing good comes from drugs and I'm better off cleaning my self up now before I do some thing worse. I only have my self to blame for my situation. I'd find it so much harder to accept if I was in visuals position and someone els gave it to me. (guessing by what you said sounded like someones mistake)

I feel you man. i've been struggling to keep off of drugs completely. but i 100% gave up weed, hallucinogens and MDMA. dont fuck with that shit ever again. Ive been tempted to trip hard "one last time" to get it out of my system. but that one time could REALLY set you off into hppd hell cause you never know, everybody is different, and its playing straight russian roulette with your brain. keep away from the hard shit man.

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im curious by what you mean by this though. are you saying you still appreciate the really good times you had from drugs and then can accept it and put it behind you in a way?

Yea, that's it really..... I've suffered, probably as hard as I imagine it is possible to, with hppd..... but I can at least think, well I had a fucking blast for years..... and also, I knew the path I was taking. I was on self destruct, so can't really sit about crying because something went wrong. That was the whole point... I was gonna do that shit until I died or something went wrong.... So no guilt, just a tinge of "it's a shame I was born with an addictive personality"

So I have the good memories, and no major guilt or regret. I chose a path and that path led me pretty much where I expected. I could sit around and wonder about why I was so self destructive... but it's too far in the past to care now.... I was just a crazy teen who liked drugs.... no point lookin too deep, in my opinion..

I reckon when I hit about 70.... If I still have this, i'll dodge off to a jungle or something and have a trip..... just for old times sake.

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over about 2 years from ages of 15-17 probably about 10 acid trips

weed all day every day

soooo much ketamine its untrue everyone in this city has a god damn ket problem anyway

too much mdma to name

a lot of valium too

plenty of alcohol

speed afew times (and also probably in pills n such)

probably around 20 gs of mephedrone

coke afew times

and shrooms only once when i went picking ;D

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soooo much ketamine its untrue everyone in this city has a god damn ket problem anyway

UK has gone mental again.... It calmed down for a while, now it's maybe worse than even the rave heydays (when it were £15 an E!). I go back and EVERYONE is on something or other.... even the most boring people are full of coke... I have to travel about to see family and stuff and when we are down south, everyone is full of coke and up north full of ket...... madchester is back and it's spread!

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Did you have a bad trip on your shrooms experience or was it positive??

I took more than I should for a first timer (like twice as much). I was completely out of it (hearing voices and unaware of my surroundings completly because it seemed like I was only able to open my eyes for a few seconds every 10 minutes or so).

At times it was pretty terrifying but in the three weeks after the event in which i had no side-effects i looked at the experience in a positive way.

I smoked a little pot 3 nights before the symptoms hit and drank 2 nights before.

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Thanks for your perspective, Jay1. It is good to hear that you aren't suffering from a lot of guilt... I'm kinda getting that you've accepted what you have done and that you are doing well by moving forwards. I feel you on the fuck life I want to self destruct... It is good to hear that you aren't beating yourself up over it. It took me a long time to start feeling that way, and I wasn't able to do it on my own, so props to you for figuring your shit out. Haha maybe if I make it to 70 I'll do the same thing. But for now I'm just trying to put the past behind me and live for the moment... And what the moment can bring if I stay on the same path.

And to martifer, good for you that you are trying to stay clean! I love to hear that, especially on a drug driven forum. Try not to look at your little 'laps on kpin and alcohol as ruining your clean time... Try think of it as another chance to get back on the horse. I've seen to many people use maybe once or a few times after being clean, only to foster a "fuck it" mentality and go off the deep end completely. Just because you used that night doesn't mean you have to use tonight, or the next day. I know I'm lecturing a little bit, but I am writing this with good intentions. It is a struggle for sure, I struggle every day, but this too shall pass. I've never owned anything... I've only been loaned the things I have. My life, my sobriety, it is all on loan. The thing about the latter is that if I loose my clean time, I can always get it back. My life on the other hand, has no second loan. I've only got one shot and if I loose my clean time there is a good chance I could loose my life.

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    • By Allen85
      Hello All, My name is Allen. I've browsed this site randomly over the past couple years but was afraid share. I'm in my 30's and have had HPPD 2 for 18 years. I was diagnosed 5 years ago after a seeing countless doctors through the years. Recently I found out my wife was pregnant and I became determined to find a treatment or, god willing, a cure. When I was in my mid teens I took lsd about 5 times and I was a chronic marijuana smoker. The last time I took lsd I smoked weed at the same time and I had the worst experience of my life: My heart began to race uncontrollably, my arms and face became numb; I saw long blury trails on everything and I felt hot and cold all at once. It was so intense that I thought for sure I was going to die. In desperation, I curled up in a ball on my couch, closed my eyes, and began to pray to god repeatedly to make it stop and let me live, until eventually I fell asleep. I woke up the next morning and thanked god I was alive. I swore of lsd forever. Unfortunately that didn't stop me from trying to party with my friends as usual. Every time I smoked weed after that I would have severe panic attacks and almost black out. When I'd drink alcohol I felt like I had a lump in my throat and couldn't breathe. A couple weeks after that horrible trip I woke up to a dull version of the same type of visuals I had the night of my bad trip, I was petrified and began having random panic attacks. I finally told my mother what I did and what happened since and she took me to the doctor. The doctor swore it was depression with anxiety and completely dismissed any lsd involvement. She prescribed me Effexor and xanax. The effexor didn't help at all and it made my heart race. The symptoms were not going away. I was afraid I damaged my brain beyond repair. Shortly after I withdrew from school and became a hermit. The xanax helped a lot with anxiety but the visuals remained. Through the years I saw about a dozen different psychiatrists and none of them knew what was wrong with me and continued me on benzodiazepines and ssri's. I lost my insurance and couldn't afford all the doctor appointments and medicine, so I began getting zoloft and Vicodin off the streets to self medicate. Eventually the visuals became less intense and my panic attacks were less frequent. Although the visuals and anxiety are a part of my daily life, I still manage to function. Some days are worse than others but I forced myself back into society and I got a good job in construction, and married my girlfriend who has been with me through this whole experience. I got off the vicodin with suboxone and continued the zoloft. With the news of our first child, I found a new determination to get rid of this horrible disease for good. I told my doctor that I wanted to try anything we can to make this stop and she agreed to start prescribing me different medications to see what, if anything, will work. She prescribed clonidine last visit and I started it 6 days ago. Unfortunately it hasn't helped my visuals at all and last night I began having strange thoughts and seeing weird images when I closed my eyes. I'll keep everyone updated on how it goes. I'm really hopeful that something will get rid of this for good. Wish me luck and good luck to all of you.
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