Wow! I have only recently discovered that continuous flashbacks have a label! I have had HPPD since I was 12 years old. Now I am 60. I spent the school year dropping LSD, Psycibin, Mescaline, and Marijuana. One time I simply never came down. It intensified soon soon after. I knew of no one else who had this like I did! I was simply terrified! I only told my brother, not my parents. My biggest fear was that I would get uncontrollably higher. I had every symptom but the very worst was the feeling of not being fully present. The experience was like just arriving in my own body but realizing I had already been doing whatever it was, but not with full presence. Maybe this is "de-personalization"? I would explain it to various Doctors and Opthalmologists through the years and all I got was "hmm....."! So, I finally just learned to cope. Then about a year ago I found the name HPPD. The casebook description of symptoms were as if they had read my secret diary! I know that I was never diagnosed or believed, but I know what drugs I used and when the HPPD started. Now it has been 48 years! Definitely some of the symtoms are not as vivid as in the beginning, however, if I get tired or in a conglomerated atmosphere there they are. I also think after so many years these just become part of your normal perception. For me, HPPD did not go away.
How did I cope until now? I definitely quit any drug use immediately. I gravitated toward a simple Christian way of life, actually living with Old Order Amish at times, where I was not bombarded by electric stuff. I think those who have HPPD will seriously have to deal with sensory overload and seek out a peaceful existence on many levels.
Live your life anyway. I raised 7 children, grandchildren and life goes on, just looking through Kaliedoscope eyes!
Be healthy! Be smart and realize sometimes one stupid mistake done in youth can change your life forever! In my case, I just wanted to be cool in 1969! I really didn't realize the risks. How true it is that we reap what we so!
I want to cry...that I lived my whole life with this and never found anyone else with this or knew even that it was recognized!
The only report on flashbacks I ever heard of said that they think LSD creates new neural pathways in the brain.That was maybe 30 yrs ago!
Wow! I am truly impressed at my own survival!
Trails, pulsating breathing walls, tinnitus, time slowing down, colors, everything. Even dialated pupils. Sigh. How exhausting at times!
It has helped me just to keep in mind that my own perception has been tweeked.My chemistry was altered.
I would not wish this on anyone! But, if you have it, just live your life as peaceful as you can. Do everything you normally would do because your heightened perception maybe can be helpful in other unexpected ways.
Don't do anymore drugs.
Dont tell others who may not understand.
We've been tricked by the devil's potions!
God bless us all!
Hello! I'm from Russia, sorry for bad english.
I use MDA 27octoberr, 170 mg. After 7 hours panic, I can not recognize myself in the mirror. called the doctor, I received 10 mg of phenazepam, and 5 mg of haloperidol. Has overslept some days. all was good. but on November 5, I made the mistake of using 65 micrograms of MDMA, and weed.
the next day, all the thoughts in my head were gone, I felt terrible, I thought I was sick. a week later nothing changed, I went to a psychiatrist, I was told that this is depersonalization, and appointed mirtazapine.
I ceased to accept it, because visual hallucinations started, the walls somehow breathed, I feel my body two times weaker than usual, as if numb everything.
After mirtazapine returned the appetite, before that I forced myself to eat through strength.
I feel now that I'm very dull, thoughts in my head if I have, then only about "where did they go? Where are they?". hallucinations continue until now. What can you advise, after all a month has passed, and my condition has not changed much, I feel complete emptiness inside of myself, I have lost all interests, I can not write music any more, I can not do anything ..
I came to talk to you about my symptoms a little bit. I'm Brazilian, so if I say something wrong, I apologize, but I'm still not fluent in English.
About 11 months ago I tried lsd with a friend, after an hour we used weed, and after that I had a very bad trip. Only today I was able to find this forum, because until then I did not even know what I really have. After using lsd, I have never used lsd or weed again. Since then, I have a lot of anxiety, sometimes I feel very depressed, and I really feel some visual effects, such as sensitivity to light, things seem to vibrate a little, and it seems that sometimes I see traces in moving things.
What makes me bad is that I can never stop thinking about it all, I try to fight against my own mind not to think about it, but it's very difficult, when I realize it, I'm thinking about it. From what I understand I have hppd, but is it normal for me to think about it constantly? Sometimes I think I'm going to go crazy.
This site was very inspiring to me, until then I was very afraid of what happened to me, and not knowing that there are so many other people with the same problem. So, THANK YOU for making me a little calmer. I will accompany you always now, hoping that I will improve. Thank you.
So, after a hospitalization for a suicide attempt I've been put on 10mg Abilify (aripiprazole) and have been taking it daily.
Haven't noticed my symptoms getting worse. Perhaps slightly, but nothing unbearable at this point.
Additionally I have tried 1:1 THC:CBD weed with no worsening of symptoms. This suggests to me at least that the mechanism behind my HPPD is entirely different than the common hypotheses.
So, for the past week or so I've been smoking a strain that's nearly all CBD and (almost) no THC (I think it's about 13% CBD and maybe 1% THC). I smoke it in joint form, usually shortly before bed.
I haven't noticed anything getting better or worse. However, it has done wonders for my insomnia and helps me feel relaxed before I hit the sack. Excellent stress relief.
I have a strain that's nearly 1:1 THC to CBD to try still, so I have no idea how the THC will play into things. Planning on doing that this weekend since this will give me ample recovery time should I have a bad time (I don't expect to though).
Also, the joints I roll tend to be pretty light, about the size of a hand-rolled cigarette.
Also, as a sidenote, I have asthma and the smoke hasn't aggravated it all, usually only if I take a hit that was a little too much. Even then, a few hearty coughs and sips of water later and I'm fine