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    • By Kaleidoscope
      Hello Everyone! 
      Wow! I have only recently discovered that continuous flashbacks have a label! I have had HPPD since I was 12 years old. Now I am 60. I spent the school year dropping LSD, Psycibin, Mescaline, and Marijuana. One time I simply never came down. It intensified soon soon after. I knew of no one else who had this like I did! I was simply terrified! I only told my brother, not my parents. My biggest fear was that I would get uncontrollably higher. I had every symptom but the very worst was the feeling of not being fully present. The experience was like just arriving in my own body but realizing I had already been doing whatever it was, but not with full presence. Maybe this is "de-personalization"? I would explain it to various Doctors and Opthalmologists through the years and all I got was "hmm....."! So, I finally just learned to cope. Then about a year ago I found the name HPPD. The casebook description of symptoms were as if they had read my secret diary! I know that I was never diagnosed  or believed, but I know  what drugs I used and when the HPPD started. Now it has been 48 years!  Definitely some of the symtoms are not as vivid as in the beginning, however, if I get tired or in a conglomerated atmosphere there they are. I also think after so many years these just become part of your normal perception. For me, HPPD did not go away.
      How did I cope until now? I definitely quit any drug use immediately. I gravitated toward a simple Christian way of life, actually living with Old Order Amish at times, where I was not bombarded by electric stuff. I think those who have HPPD will seriously have to deal with sensory overload and seek out a peaceful existence on many levels.
      Live your life anyway. I raised 7 children, grandchildren and life goes on, just looking through Kaliedoscope eyes!
      Be healthy! Be smart and realize sometimes one stupid mistake done in youth can change your life forever! In my case, I just wanted to be cool in 1969! I really didn't realize the risks. How true it is that we reap what we so!
      I want to cry...that I lived my whole life with this and never found anyone else with this or knew even that it was recognized!
      The only report on flashbacks I ever heard of said that they think LSD creates new neural pathways in the brain.That was maybe 30 yrs ago!
      Wow! I am truly impressed  at my own  survival! 
      Trails, pulsating breathing walls, tinnitus, time slowing down, colors, everything. Even dialated pupils. Sigh. How exhausting at times! 
      It has helped me just to keep in mind that my own perception has been tweeked.My chemistry was altered.
      I would not wish this on anyone! But, if you have it, just live your life as peaceful as you can. Do everything you normally would do because your heightened perception maybe can be helpful in other unexpected ways.
      Don't do anymore drugs.
      Dont tell others who may not understand.
      We've been tricked by the devil's potions! 
      God bless us all!
       
       
       
    • By Natriy
      Hello! I'm from Russia, sorry for bad english.
      18 Year/50kg
      I use MDA 27octoberr, 170 mg. After 7 hours panic, I can not recognize myself in the mirror. called the doctor, I received 10 mg of phenazepam, and 5 mg of haloperidol. Has overslept some days. all was good. but on November 5, I made the mistake of using 65 micrograms of MDMA, and weed.
      the next day, all the thoughts in my head were gone, I felt terrible, I thought I was sick. a week later nothing changed, I went to a psychiatrist, I was told that this is depersonalization, and appointed mirtazapine.
      I ceased to accept it, because visual hallucinations started, the walls somehow breathed, I feel my body two times weaker than usual, as if numb everything.
      After mirtazapine returned the appetite, before that I forced myself to eat through strength.
      I feel now that I'm very dull, thoughts in my head if I have, then only about "where did they go? Where are they?". hallucinations continue until now. What can you advise, after all a month has passed, and my condition has not changed much, I feel complete emptiness inside of myself, I have lost all interests, I can not write music any more, I can not do anything ..
    • By gabriel
      I came to talk to you about my symptoms a little bit. I'm Brazilian, so if I say something wrong, I apologize, but I'm still not fluent in English.
      About 11 months ago I tried lsd with a friend, after an hour we used weed, and after that I had a very bad trip. Only today I was able to find this forum, because until then I did not even know what I really have. After using lsd, I have never used lsd or weed again. Since then, I have a lot of anxiety, sometimes I feel very depressed, and I really feel some visual effects, such as sensitivity to light, things seem to vibrate a little, and it seems that sometimes I see traces in moving things.
      What makes me bad is that I can never stop thinking about it all, I try to fight against my own mind not to think about it, but it's very difficult, when I realize it, I'm thinking about it. From what I understand I have hppd, but is it normal for me to think about it constantly? Sometimes I think I'm going to go crazy.
      This site was very inspiring to me, until then I was very afraid of what happened to me, and not knowing that there are so many other people with the same problem. So, THANK YOU for making me a little calmer. I will accompany you always now, hoping that I will improve. Thank you.
    • By tlehmbecker
      So, after a hospitalization for a suicide attempt I've been put on 10mg Abilify (aripiprazole) and have been taking it daily.
      Haven't noticed my symptoms getting worse. Perhaps slightly, but nothing unbearable at this point. 
      Additionally I have tried 1:1 THC:CBD weed with no worsening of symptoms. This suggests to me at least that the mechanism behind my HPPD is entirely different than the common hypotheses.
    • By tlehmbecker
      So, for the past week or so I've been smoking a strain that's nearly all CBD and (almost) no THC (I think it's about 13% CBD and maybe 1% THC). I smoke it in joint form, usually shortly before bed.
      I haven't noticed anything getting better or worse. However, it has done wonders for my insomnia and helps me feel relaxed before I hit the sack. Excellent stress relief.
      I have a strain that's nearly 1:1 THC to CBD to try still, so I have no idea how the THC will play into things. Planning on doing that this weekend since this will give me ample recovery time should I have a bad time (I don't expect to though).
      Also, the joints I roll tend to be pretty light, about the size of a hand-rolled cigarette.
      Also, as a sidenote, I have asthma and the smoke hasn't aggravated it all, usually only if I take a hit that was a little too much. Even then, a few hearty coughs and sips of water later and I'm fine
Gmo

What specifically caused your issues??

121 posts in this topic

my friends who do drugs all the time have no problems ...

This might not be strictly true... They might just be covering it up or have different issues. Some of my drug friends who seemed 100% normal later told me they were relieved when I stopped doing drugs and was vocal about my problems... as they got a chance to get out of the scene too and had problems of there own going on.

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Yeah man, alot of people who seem fine who do alot of drugs, actually do get many visual distortions...i guess they kinda get used to it, or arent very bothered by them, but MANY people i know who trip have trippy visuals. I never woulda guessed before i asked em. Then again, some ARE perfectly fine. Luck of the draw. Certainly im the only one with DP and body pains and fatigue etc, but residual visuals are more common than you think. Ive had three friends whove done x (and not that much) ask me whether my mind sometimes goes blank, that it's somethin thats been happenin to them. 2 people dont smoke much anymore because shrooms completely changed their highs. So yeah it varies.

My only warning pre hppd was jaw clicks and pains when i ate, but i wouldve never correlated the 2. I guess i was feelin a little manic in my shroom days, but i loved it, so i didnt really consider it a symptom. I thought it was just me becoming more positive or somethin.

I know a kid from back home who actually tried shrooms once and never came down. He hasnt appeared socially since he tripped with 2 kids i know around 2010. My friend ran into him at church once and he went up twice for communion because he forgot hed already had it, and had to be reminded of who my friend was, even though theyd hung out many times and been close.

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Yeah man, alot of people who seem fine who do alot of drugs, actually do get many visual distortions...i guess they kinda get used to it, or arent very bothered by them, but MANY people i know who trip have trippy visuals. I never woulda guessed before i asked em. Then again, some ARE perfectly fine. Luck of the draw. Certainly im the only one with DP and body pains and fatigue etc, but residual visuals are more common than you think. Ive had three friends whove done x (and not that much) ask me whether my mind sometimes goes blank, that it's somethin thats been happenin to them. 2 people dont smoke much anymore because shrooms completely changed their highs. So yeah it varies.

My only warning pre hppd was jaw clicks and pains when i ate, but i wouldve never correlated the 2. I guess i was feelin a little manic in my shroom days, but i loved it, so i didnt really consider it a symptom. I thought it was just me becoming more positive or somethin.

I know a kid from back home who actually tried shrooms once and never came down. He hasnt appeared socially since he tripped with 2 kids i know around 2010. My friend ran into him at church once and he went up twice for communion because he forgot hed already had it, and had to be reminded of who my friend was, even though theyd hung out many times and been close.

Damn thats pretty intense....just after one trip too. I feel bad for people that experience things like that after just one trip. I'm lucky enough to of experience my fair share of substances beforehand. But yea, I have friends that use drugs way more than me and they're perfectly fine.....at least as far as I can tell.

Did you have a bad trip Boogres??? I had tripped like 7 or 8 times and rolled plenty before I experienced any negative effects from drugs, I figured I had had enough experiences to label myself as one of those that could pretty well handle altered states of mind.....all up until I had a couple crazy bad trips.

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Nah never a bad trip apart from the Dust experience, which i wasnt expectin so naturally that shit was horrible...I also could control it very well, i tripped with experienced trippers a few times and i always seemed to handle it better than them, id actually test myself, try to bug myself out to push my limits, let the visuals get scary, and bring myself back...shit was fun :D I did tahe 5 grams of shrooms once though, id say that was the closest to a bad trip i got, just because it wasnt very enjoyable, i cant say I got ANYTHING out of it. 3 grams on an empty stomach was my happy zone.

Yeah unfortunately i got HPPD just as i was gettin to really have my fun...on my final trip i actually decided that i should trip less too, because to me id been overdoin it. So it went. Oh, salvia wasnt enjoyable at all...horrible shit. I took LSA once too, i saw some trails and my legs got REALLY fuckin stiff, they hurt like hell. Not a bad trip though.

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Yeah, it sucks to think that I can't even partake one more time even if the moment was right. Like at an outdoor festival or whatever. I mean....I got to trip once and it was a bad trip. :( sad panda. If I'm gunna pay such a high price tag I could have at least got to go to the stars. What is a good trip like?

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Fucking outstanding........That's the thing with psyche's, when they're good they're great and when they're bad they're terrible......

@Boogres....how often were you tripping before you got your HPPD??? And I enjoyed salvia, I only did it 3 times but I liked it. I think salvia's really hit and miss with people, I did it with like 3 other friends and 2 of us liked it and the other 2 hated it. I also hated ketamine though and a lot of people really enjoy it. Different strokes for different folks I guess.

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Once every 2 weeks but sometimes 3 weeks would go by, other times one, but i didnt like trippin in consecutive weeks because id get a really high tolerance

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Very true. Psychedelic tolerance builds up faster than any other drug in my experience... But the tolerance that was built up goes away pretty quick. The only way to habitually trip is to switch up the substances. PEA's vs. triptamines... They both exhibit cross tolerance with one another, but the tolerance doesn't build up as quick as just doing one chemical... It seems like LSD tolerance increases the fastest... MDMA the slowest, and booms, mescaline, and 2C's are somewhere in between.

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I got 1 kilo of purple mdma and basically did the whole thing over about 4 years with my cousin, by the end it started to lose its potency though... However had no negative effects that i could put my finger on... I think.... It was 2 DMT trips that set off the HPPD.... oh well

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DMT???? Yea I feel like a couple DMT trips I had influenced my HPPD quite a bit. I had never experienced the static in my vision and all the floaters until after DMT. What did you experience exactly after your DMT experience??

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The second (last) DMT trip i hit was not good had been up for days on mdma then smoked some DMT, had a kinda overwhelming trip, plus started throwing up half way through.. However it was about 3-4 months after that i started to get VS and other symptoms so im kinda guessing here... But it rocked me... Very serious drug... I would say at a guess thats what did it.. and yeah what i get is static and floaters...

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hahah WHAT a kilo of mdma! jesus man. i cant even picture that shit.

i smoked dmt once, but i didnt smoke enough so i didnt really trip....i was on my way to work at the time

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i smoked dmt once, but i didnt smoke enough so i didnt really trip....i was on my way to work at the time

lol

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so i think a big reason i reccieved HPPD was that: I was sitting with 2 friends at home awaiting the LSD (First trip) ..i told them it was my first time i taked it...so meanwhile i throwed the "avatar-paper" into my mouth, he said if i´m scared i shouldnt take it, i can get stucked on horror-trips....

Mate you don´t believe how i fucking shitted my pants, i had it in my mouth already and knew it´s too late...after 3 hours i didn´t noticed a change, and the freinds went home...

i said to them they should stay, its my first trip on LSD.., but they went home ....i swear you directly when the door shutted visuals started and all that....i was so scared and didn´t knew what to do, i couldn´t leave the room , who knows what will happen??....so i had a 20minute fight with my minds, deciding for : Going out call a friend or stay safe at home, but alone...finally i stayed home staring 7 hours to my grafitti-wall....because the visuals didn´t stopped i thought ok go to sleep....so i went sleeping and the next morning i saw that the wall was still moving like a flag, there i realized i got stucked so i was crying all day...I think the Key that opened the HPPD-Lock was that i had the trip in my mouth while i was scared as hell, and even someone telling me i shouldnt take it if i am scared....so yeah then i was so smart to take LSD again, after the second trip i was able to control it, but now after around 3 months all got worth -.-

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For me this happened afta a single go on shrooms and ive still got the tripping feelings and sensations afta 27 years,one hell of a trip.

I had about 150 mushrooms made into a brew was this alot?

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I had about 150 mushrooms made into a brew was this alot?

What kind were they? In UK we have ones called liberty caps... very small and light brown in colour. 150 of those would be a big trip. I used to go 100 for a nice trip and 150-200 if i was in the mood to lose it.

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Yea, that's a big dose. I've tripped pretty strong off around 70 before.

Mushrooms give you such a profound trip, it changes your life forever, HPPD or not.

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I did DXM once out of curiosity and got relatively light HPPD. The fuck man. Did anyone else here get it from DXM? If so I'm curious what your visuals are like, I personally have ghosting and possible light trailers (only occurs within a radius of 6ft of me thankfully).

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I did DXM once out of curiosity and got relatively light HPPD. The fuck man. Did anyone else here get it from DXM? If so I'm curious what your visuals are like, I personally have ghosting and possible light trailers (only occurs within a radius of 6ft of me thankfully).

I did DXM twice, and I got it after the second time, but only slightly. It was a pretty terrible trip.

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The E did it... the coke didn't help.

You name it I've done it... pharm opiates, Ketamine, DXM once or twice, shrooms, LSD a couple of times, lots of cocaine, a little meth... even heroin once or twice.

And of course weed and booze.

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