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Hallucinogen Persisting Perception Disorder (HPPD) Support Forum
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K.B.Fante

Hang in there, it gets better

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Hey guys, just wanted to drop in and post an update on my HPPD recovery...

In another six months I'll have my five year anniversary of when I first got HPPD. I've posted every year on that day and I plan on doing so again in six months but something just triggered me to want to post now. Basically I'm updating a lot of stuff on my computer and I went through old notes I made when I first got HPPD. I hadn't read them in three years. It was surreal to see how far I've come. So much of my notes were about how painful life was each day, how I could barely make it through, how HPPD was like hell and how I thought of suicide constantly. I also had severe depersonalization which I wouldn't wish on anybody. I literally couldn't tell whether I was alive or not when I first got it. It was really bad. 

Though I'm not fully healed and still have minor symptoms of HPPD (mostly visual snow, occasional tinnitus, some afterimages at night, etc.) I'm also at the place in my recovery where I'm able to move on with my life, and that's truly a miraculous thing to say considering where I was even two years ago. This point I've arrived at is all I ever wanted when I was living in a 24-7, Alice-In-Wonderland hellscape of a constant lowgrade acid trip. I would have given anything to be where I'm at today. And yet, here I am, and it doesn't seem so special because HPPD takes so many years to heal from. As many of you know this disease is not something that just disappears overnight. It takes many years of backbreaking work to improve, but I'm proof that if you're willing to put in the work you can get to that place. 

If I could impart any advice on those who are suffering right now and don't have much hope I'd really emphasize the power of natural healing. The body is a healing machine. It's designed to repair itself at all times. The main hindrance is of course interfering with this process by causing your body even more damage than it can handle and our modern world is essentially a barrage of micro and macro insults to this repair system. 

My true healing journey began when I put down the fast food, spent countless hours in nature and in sunlight, always kept my body moving, nourished myself with natural foods and medicinal plants, embraced the power of love and took steps to face my own personal demons and confront my childhood trauma that manifested in the anxiety that got me HPPD in the first place. 

If you're at all stuck or just wondering how you go about navigating a healing journey I really hope you'll consider getting back in touch with nature and letting evolution do what it's been doing for billions of years on this planet. I don't mean for this to sound too woo woo but I just know it works because I tried everything and natural medicine in combination with time is the only thing that gave me actual results. 

Please stay hopeful if you're able. I understand as much as anyone how distressing and hopeless this disease can be so I'm not gonna lecture anyone on how they should see things, but I do believe there's almost always reason for hope with anything, even this bastard condition. 

If anyone needs help or advice or just someone to talk to please don't hesitate to reach out. 

-- K.B.

Edited by K.B.Fante
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Thank you for your thoughtful and positive  post.  I'd like to reiterate, it can and often does get better, much better.  Keep moving, keep focused, live healthy, and be patient.

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