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My hppd dpdr story


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Well here we go. I have had this disorder for around 2 1/2 years. April 30 2017 after ingested multiply pot brownies which I believe to be laced, I experience a 5-6 panic attack which in the next few days lead to the beginning stages of what I now know to be hppd. I knew something was coming. Months prior I began to experience symptoms. It started with low grade depression and started experience anxiety, mood issues, lack of energy and motivation and personality changes. From feb 2016-August 2016 I experimented which various research chemicals, mushrooms and lsd. I was going through a rough pack in life and was living with a fuck it mentality. I remember my first lsd trip was in February 2016 and I fell in love with the drug. Tripping, I was always tripping. I started taking acid 3-5 times a week for months on end. I felt FANTASTIC! It was like my mind was finally working to it’s full potential, I felt unstoppable the entire time I was taking hallucinogenic drugs. I was living on a what I thought endless high. I became more social, had more energy, and never made so much money at work. Now during this time I was a heavy cannabis user and would drink several times a week. I was a server and that was just kinda how we did things. I was smoking around a half ounce of high quality bud a day and would smoke near an ounce on most trips. Taking 3-6 tabs a time I liked seeing how far of a galaxy away the acid would take me. It was awesome. Well a few months later I had my first bad trip were I experienced a high state of anxiety and strange thoughts. After that trip I called it quits. A year later the marijuana edibles took me over the edge and I felt like I was on acid again from just the weed. The next day I experienced high anxiety and started to dissociate. I’d last a day and go away. A heavy night of weed would bring it back. I now know what I was experiencing was the start of depersonalization and derealization. Well a week after the experience I started noticing my vision was changing. I experienced visual snow at first and it in about 2 days went from the snow to full blown hppd. I felt like I was coming up on tabs sober. It was and is a living hell. Well 2 1/2 years later I still have the disorder but aspects have gotten better. My visuals basically went mostly away but I was stuck with heavy dpdr. It was constant and endless. Through the 2 1/2 years of having this I probably tried 30 medications, went to countless doctors and specialist, had several suicide attempts and psychiatric holds. The current medications I take are limictal, anafrinil, klonipin and zyprexa. Klonipin and zyprexa probably brought me to about 50 percent better than baseline. Last week I convinced my doctor to give brand name keppra a try. I’m on day 4 taking 250 mg x 2 a day and hopefully getting up to 1000 mg a day. After just 4 days of keppra the dpdr and lingering visuals are started to fade. I’d say 3-4 days of keppra (brand name) has helped my dpdr by about 30-40 percent. My thinking is starting to become less scattered and I’m starting to see things in my house that I haven’t seen in 2 1/2 years like it’s the first time. I feel like I’m coming out of a dream. I’ve read threads of hppd online since I got sick but just now made an account. I’ll keep y’all updated as I continue to take the keppra. I’m just saying don’t give up hope cause people are getting cured all the time and even though it seems like complete bullshit and a lost cause (trust me I know how it feels) I’m starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. We’re all in this together. You CAN do it! 

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