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Hallucinogen Persisting Perception Disorder (HPPD) Support Forum
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Brain Fog

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What the title say's. It's something I have been struggling with for years and it seems to be increasing in severity. I figured to sign up here because brain fog can be a symptom of HPPD. It's been a long and horrendous uphill battle. The best way to describe how I feel is that i'm constantly going in circles because I find it so hard to be in the moment, to comprehend whats going on, to remember things. It's feels like everything is going on so fast. I used to call it derealization/depersonalization but I call it brain fog now. Any amount of mental effort quickly turns to tingling or pressure in my skull, headaches are frequent, find it extremely difficult to find words, slur speech and do basic math, i feel high/drunk/dizzy and I have this weird visual symptom. When I look at light source or a spot that is brightly illumated, or if inside looking out the window, I see these tiny pin pricks of light in a white noise like pattern centered around the brighter area before things adjust and they go away. There are natural squigleys and eye floaters that I do believe are normal but the white noise pattern I see seems to represent that all of this is neurological. This all started back and 2011 when I was drinking all day on weekend. By the end of the day I had the wierd, dissconnected feeling that I feel now all the  time. It just never went away but the next day when I was in school my vision was so blurry and was having panic attacks. I'm used to the high feeling now so panic attacks are non issue, but I'm just not the same person no more. I had smoked K2/spice once before this and had a really bad panic attack due to the intense dissociative effects that it had on me. I failed 11th grade because I basically gave up but I continued to go back the following year and passed high school with my regents. I was really scared to drive at first and didn't get my liscense until 2015 and been from job to job because of the brainfog, but I'm doing sanitation now at a meat factory and I've held it thus far. This job is insanely easy. Just rinse and clean stuff, it just has to be really perfect. I am super thankful that I am able to have this job at all, but I'm hitting a block. I'm stuck at 14 an hour and my wage only goes up to match the cost of living. I need to make more money. I want to save money and live easily. I want to take on more responsibility and do more but I am afraid to do so because of this debilitating brain fog. I am extremely depressed and constantly think what am I doing with my life because of this. I took a welding class when I was back in school but never did anything with it. I want to go back to a trade school and do something else. I've been thinking that this may be some form of dementia. I just wish I could be healed of this curse. I honestly want to think that I have been cursed. I've made it a long way but I think this is as far I will ever get in life, and I am getting to the point of wanting to give up on it all and just live on assistance. I currently still live at home, and feel the pressure and guilt of still being at home. Im 24 years old and single, if that matters.

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