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Hallucinogen Persisting Perception Disorder (HPPD) Support Forum
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LimeGreenKoolAid

24 Years in and hitting a rough patch

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When I was 16 I did one dose of LSD and smoked 1 joint a week later. After smoking that joint I started suffering DP/DR 24/7. After 4 years of struggling with DP/DR I began to notice slight trails behind objects, especially in dim lighting or if the foreground color contrasts with the background color. I know this is mild compared to what some of you are going through but these symptoms have caused me great stress over the course of my life. I have had a VERY hard time letting them go. Despite this, after some time I have been able to push the DR and visual issues into the background and live a normal life. I have a six figure job, college degree, and a family. Things seemed to be going ok but now I'm in my 40's and despite my success I've been having "spikes" of severe anxiety where I fall back into a pattern of obsessing and worrying about my symptoms. It's gotten to the point where I'm wondering if I can can cope anymore. I read these "old timer" threads and think to myself "there really isn't anything I can do to get better". I just have to work on acceptance. It's been a long tough road, but I have to admit this thing may get the best of me yet. The life I have worked very hard to build may collapse around me if I can't get past my anxiety. Sorry for the negativity, I'm tired and I just had to vent.

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Venting is healthy.  Gets it all out and into the open.  I'm one of those old timers, turning 60 soon.  I found that finding an outlet for stress and anxiety really helped.  I took up a daily meditation practice (aka mindful meditation).  Regular exercise also burns off that weird jittery electricity that gets into my nerves.  Just keeping busy helps in general.  I took a "no medication" approach so I can't comment on what might help, but there are others in this forum who have found medications helpful.  

While many of my symptoms have improved, I'm still stuck with the visuals.  I look at it like having a disability.  We just have to continue with life the best we can.  I guess that all anyone can do.  We're not bad people because have this disorder, we just have a disability.

Hang in and keep posting even if just to vent.

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Thanks for the reply. You would think after dealing with this for so long that I’d have better coping mechanisms but I guess I don't. Today was not good. Just going to set a goal of making it through work tomorrow without going home early. The derealization is the worst part for me. I get myself into trouble reading through this forum and stressing about all the horror stories people are struggling with. Some people seemed to have reached a level of acceptance where they can be happy even with their symptoms, I wish so very much I could get to that place. But I’m not sure I’m built that way. Can I be happy in a state of perpetual DR? Can I be happy if my visuals get worse? Can I maintain my job and support my family without letting this disorder consume me?

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I don't know you so this is pure speculation.  Is it anxiety that's getting the best of you or DR?  For me anxiety was the worst part.  I always felt like I was always on a low dose of dirty acid.  That and this strange electricity that always seemed to be running through my body.  Fortunately,  there are ways to deal with anxiety.  I don't know about DR.  I had never heard about it until I came to this forum, though I think I experience it from time to time.  Staying and keeping focused helped.

As for visuals, mine have improved with age.  Perhaps I'm just so used to them that they're just "normal" for my aging skull.  My CEVs vanished quite suddenly in my late 40s.   

Never give up, and never underestimate yourself.  You're clearly a bright person.  Finding what works for you is like trying to solve a puzzle.  I don't mean there's a path to a cure, but perhaps a path to making life manageable.

Don't give up.

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Again thanks for your reply. Well DR is causing anxiety. So I guess you could say anxiety is getting the best of me. But root cause is DR. My visuals really aren't bad. Minor trails in low light and floaters. But feeling like I am living life through a TV has been very rough. And now that I am getting a little older my anxiety is getting the best of me. I'm having obsessive thoughts and I'm losing interest in my job. I dunno, I'm in a bad place right now. I've worked hard to build a life for myself and now I have people that depend on me and I'm not holding it together very well.

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Did you try CBD oil at low dosage ? 

I'm in the same situation and get sometimes still anxiety peeks.

I did 8 month of lamictal last year, tremendously helped.

Now, using CBD oil low mg at night and melatonine to get a good sleep.

Overall, that's what does it for me. 

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