I've had HPPD for 4 years now following a few years of heavy drug use and the main culprates which were 2 life changing bad trips which left me with severe PTSD, Anxiety, Depression and many other problems, or atlesst it exacerbated my already unrecognized childhood issues which I thought weren't too bad or gen non existent.
The point of this thread was to share my story and what I've learned to find hope and happiness, even oneness with myself.
Im still in the thick of HPPD recovery in the sense that I still suffer daily with the fear, ocd's phobias and manic depression but I have found what I'd call enlightenment or what I think is Thebes start of.
during recovery I've tried to find every answer, I changed my diet I've been completely sober of all substance for 2 years, I had an emasculate routine and diet, I did exercise everyday, all revolved around my illness HPPD and other illness, I was a slave to my mind.
In simple I found acceptance, I also realized I was part of a spiritual journey, I know to many it sounds naff, it did to me for years but when you find acceptance to your HPPD and acceptance to the fact you've become part of a higher spiritual initiation (is what's I call Amir as it makes sense to me and I hope to you) it becomes easier.
the main issue with HPPD is questioning it, fighting it, researching WHY, but the answers only come the day you decide to live and accept whatever the fucks going on which trust me I know at times can feel like interdimentional head fuckery - so you guys know I've been to the darkest depths of this illness - I've anxiety so bad I thought I became fear it's self whatever that is, I've traveled into distant realms of depression, anger and emotional retardation, I tried to end my life twice Andy became and out and out drug addict in attempt to resolve it but what helped me again was accepting what was... just was.. it's bigger then me, it's higher then me or at least my self and my ego so just let it happen. The article that essentially triggered this view on life for me explained that most of us experiencing these extreme feelings, emotionally retarded, anxiety, visuals are those who have been swept into an ego death or spiritual birth which they explain a lot better, i know it may sound ridiculous to some and I was one of those some, so I'd recommend highly to accept it. Accept the feelings and your happier better soul will give birth, resist these feelings and fight the illness and it'll grow as it's a clever cunt.
This is the article which explains acceptance and the ego death.
P.S. don't rule out other coping mechanisms, they all help in some ways or at least most of them, diet, routine and medication. Ive tried almost every medication but it wasn't for me but I have heard of some cases that helped hugely.
P.P.S. Specific to HPPDers, when you find acceptance, your ego and visuals will get worse or should I say they did in my case for a bit, they're part of your ego or stleast the negative part of your HPPD is so they react like a child and try to cling onto your self as if they don't want to die which is what the birth of your soul will do. I'd also like to mention I am no pro, I am just going off experience, I have just practiced mindfulness, meditations and spirituality during my recovery.
I hope this helps anyone suffering or even those not sufferent, just looking for a bit of help.
I am just wondering if anyone has recovered from Hppd.
I am not sure I have it but I go through waves (every 8 months roughly) where I start getting extreme anxiety, head pressure and severe derealization or brain fog to the extent that I stay at home. This could be related to something else but I have had two bad shroom experiences (4 grams the one time and 3 the other). What I am wondering is if that might have triggered this? Are these high enough doses, it sure felt terrible, and I regret it. the head pressure and detachment / derealiztion is unbearable. I have no visual symptoms like trails or lights etc, at all. I actually felt perfect for the last 9 months, better than ever, no anxiety nothing. also bear in mind that I had no ill effects right after the bad trips, only months later. Is this typical of Hppd? I have also come off of benzodiazepines (11 months ago) and I attribute a lot of how I feel to that, but I would like to know if it could be from the shroom and if it could possibly heal over time.
Also for those who have had such symptoms and it does happen to be hppd, is there any hope of recovery. I don't mean just living with it but I mean it going away. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated, Id love to hear from a few different people to hear how they progressed. Again, I havent lived with derealiztion every single day for the last 11 months, I have essentially had two 4 week bouts of it in the last year. Other than that I have had pretty much full clarity for the last 10 months up to now.I hope that makes sense.
Thank you in advance, and I hope you are all well and recovering.
By Deleted account
>Visits the doctors about HPPD, doctor doesn't know anything about HPPD
>Tells doctor about persisting drug-induced hallucinations and panic attacks, gets referred to a drug and alcohol service
>Makes it clear that there is no history of addiction or continued use, gets referred to psychiatrists
>Open to suggestion, trying not to be classed as a drug-seeker, I accept the anti-psychotic prescription Seroquel
>Takes Seroquel, makes HPPD worse, notifies doctors of this
>Is offered SSRI anti-depressants for panic attacks, rejected them
>Prescribed antipsychotic Olanzepine (Zyprexa), which doesn't do anything for HPPD, and Diazepam (Valium) for panic attacks, which also does nothing
>Moved to a mental health facility so that doctors can sort medication out
>Psychiatrists conclude that panic disorder can fix itself and that the HPPD visuals are psychotic hallucinations
>Prescribes Aripiprazole (Abilify), and took away the Diazepam, which made HPPD worse, and induced anxiety and hypertension (high blood pressure)
Psychiatrists insist that benzo's are unsafe and should only be used short term due to risk of addiction, despite no history of addiction and the thousands of milligrams worth of any benzodiazepine it would take to actually be fatal.
Big fuck you to every single doctor out there who hasn't done their research and has treated every HPPD patient like this. I have already explained to them that the most effective treatment for HPPD include anti-convulsants, but they do not listen. Instead they want to chuck as many anti-psychotics and anti-depressants at me as possible, hoping that I will come across one that will eventually kill me. These doctors are not here to help, they are here to kill and deny effective treatment. Even if addiction were a problem (which is not if you do not abuse medicaiton), I'd rather be addicted to a drug than have HPPD for the rest of my life. Now I will proceed to seek medication illegally because this medical system has failed me.
I only recently found out about HPPD after googling these symptoms ive had for a while after my first acid trip:
Up until this point I had only ever smoked weed, did mdma regularly and tried a very low dose of psilocibin mushrooms, I decided to try acid next so I bought and tested a couple of 100μg tabs and planned to take one after work one day. So the trip went fine, i was a little overwhelmed but overall it was a good experience and i planned to do it again soon with my girlfriend until I noticed slight visual hallucinations when I was sober. I thought nothing of it and that it would go away in a few days, well here I am 3 months later lol. I experience most of the general visual effects people describe e.g. visual snow, trails behind moving objects and objects changing color/shape, but mostly breathing/undulating walls/objects. If I stop concentrating on something for 1 second the room surrounding me begins to close in, and wont stop until I look at something else. This makes it very difficult to watch tv or relax in general and im kinda freaking out haha. Also, Ive just completed my exams at school but im afraid i will have failed them the symptoms became much more serious in the exam room and it was hard to concentrate. Also, the effects become much more prevolent when using weed, and the visuals are almost indistinguishable from LSD when using mdma.
Thanks for reading guys hope you can provide some insight