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Hallucinogen Persisting Perception Disorder (HPPD) Support Forum
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Tsunami

Things are better but not the same, (nBOME trigger)

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Hey everyone! I’ve had HPPD for a little under a year now (OD’d in early August), I’m pretty lucky considering that the drug I took was nBOME and HPPD is all that I have as a long term sideeffect. This was the second time I took this drug, and I didn’t take it knowing it was nBOME though I suspected it was. I’m an 18 year old and I’ve had HPPD since I was 17.

After my first trip on this drug (1 tab) I experienced very minor HPPD, I had no noticeable personality changes and the only thing that really happened was an isolated feeling of tripping in my left thigh (very weird). It didn’t bug me at all and it was actually kind of pleasant to feel. It occurred fairly rarely, about only once or twice a week. 

My second trip was hell. I popped 3 tabs into my mouth, pulled up some anime, and waited in my bed at 8 pm for it to hit. It was extremely overwhelming for around 2 hours at the peak. I remember that I forgot how society worked, I forgot that real life was a thing and I just basically went crazy for a bit. Eventually, I hit a point where I made the sudden realization that after death, I would cease to exist. Coming to terms with that at the peak of my trip really fucked me up, and it took quite a bit of time to get over it. 

After my trip, I entered a state of psychosis. I couldn’t sleep and just felt like absolute shit. The trip not ending when it should have initiated the psychotic state and I ended up having to tell my parents that I just took drugs. I finally fell asleep after around 30 hours from when I initially took the drug. Recovery was greatly aided by an electrolyte drink my dad got from CVS. 

After that time I felt pretty weird, I didn’t enjoy anything for some reason and brain felt really numb. Food tasted off, I didn’t enjoy listening to music that I loved before and watching tv was boring. I also felt like my personality went kind of blank. To fix that, I watched a YouTube channel called JK news, the hosts on there are pretty vibrant and it helped stimulate human contact so I could get the hang of it again before talking to friends.

slowly but surely my brain has reached a level where I have minor visual issues that are unnoticeable when I get enough sleep. I find that drinking caffeine makes my symptoms more pronounced as well, so I’ve cut off drinking energy drinks to handle school and instead push myself to stay up if I need to. I remember trying to smoke weed to see if it would mess with my brain back in December (4 months after OD) and sure enough it gave me heavy brain fog and I noticed changes in my personality.

as of right now, I feel pretty alright. HPPD hasn’t been as much of a nuisance in my life except for the very rare moments when I’ll stay up til 2 am studying for a test and start tripping heavily. I’m still able to do high level work, my class load of organic chemistry, calculus 4, differential equations, etc in my senior year of high school isn’t impaired by my HPPD and I’ve found that it’s been a huge incentive for me to live my life in a healthier manner. I’ve been sober ever since I smoked weed in December.

To anyone that’s suffering and thinks that things won’t get better, they will. Time helps heal the brain. I went from feeling like my brain was fried to succeeding in all my hard courses while maintaining a good social life. Of course, I’m still looking for a way to eliminate my restrictions (caffeine, sleep, etc.), but life is still fulfilling. HPPD has made me more aware of how my brain functions in that I analyze things with much more awareness, which has its pros and cons but it’s still an overall bonus. Don’t let this condition keep you from achieveing your goals and dreams. 

I’d like to become a member of this forum since you guys are the only other people I know of that suffer from this. I plan on going into medschool and would like to become a neurosurgeon, maybe neurologist down the road if I can’t do surgery while sleep deprived. I’m hoping to start research into HPPD and will do everything I can to find out what happened and how to fix it.

 

Edited by Taz
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Challenging yourself by taking demanding courses is an excellent strategy.  It's what I did once I stopped dosing.  When I'm focused, I don't notice my symptoms as much.  Keep pushing toward your goals!

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