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Hallucinogen Persisting Perception Disorder (HPPD) Support Forum
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slimXradio

Nice to know I am not alone...

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I had a bad DMT trip. It was my first and only time using it. I took a large amount then laid back. I don't remember much in fact I had so bad anxiety going into it that I am pretty sure I passed out. I remember thinking man I shouldn't have done this. Anyway I woke up 2 minutes later in my room spiraling and not recognizing where I was. My wife was there assisting me but I remember coming back feeling like this reality wasn't real and I was terrified that I would slip back into that other reality. For the next few days I was absolutely fine although I kept talking about it to my wife and I even told her that I was concerned that it may have some negative effects on me. In fact I am completely convinced that most of this is anxiety/fear related because I don't have much visual stuff going on I just feel like I am either going to die or go crazy and I do not want to die or be crazy at all!!!!  I have simply been fearing fear itself I guess. Anyway it has been about 3-4 weeks now and I had been doing a lot of drinking/ I am a suboxone patient and anytime I felt like I was going to have a panic attack about it I would drink to make myself feel better. Well I had a VERY sever attack on Friday afternoon and I got extremely blasted to try and cope with what was happening to me. It worked and I was fine the rest of that night. Yesterday I woke up and was immediately fearfull that I would have that flash back again. The more I focused on it the worse it got. Eventually I was full blown anxiety attack on the verge of crying I was so confused and couldn't get my mind distracted from it ALL DAY LONG. I even rushed to the grocery and bought a bottle of booze and downed half of it fairly quickly in an attempt to block out the thoughts/feelings of panic. However my thoughts persisted. I drove to my mom's house and I kept trying to talk to her about it but it just would NOT go away and I am talking about this going on the better part of the day in and out. Eventually I told my mom I would like a ride to the ER and she took me in. They checked very little (heart rate, pupils, mouth, ears, and even had to google what dmt was before returning to tell me there was not anything they could do outside of providing a single intravenous dose of benzo. I declined the intravenous dose and asked for a small oral amount because I am a Suboxone patient and was worried about adverse reactions. I take maybe 1-2mg a day intranasal. Anyway it really seemed to help and after a mentally exhausting day I was finally able to get some sleep at home in bed with my wife. What a relief!! This morning I woke up and started having those anxious feelings again although it wasn't nearly as badly as yesterday. I have an aunt who takes benzo for terrible anxiety (3-4 of us have it in my family pretty severely). Anyway she gave me a .5mg pill and I took half and had a mostly pleasant day with my wife, kids, and mom today.  I have a half of one left and I haven't taken it yet I am trying to cope on my own and save it for emergencies. My mom is calling my aunt's doc who is a family friend tomorrow and we are going to make an appointment for me to get on some meds and find some help.  I am working on developing tools to use and I have been doing research to reach out and find some hope online as well. With how severely it effected me yesterday it was very tough at times and I just felt pure doom, depression, fear, and had only brief moments of calm and clarity. I am glad that I don't have to face this alone. It does not seem like much research has gone into this sort of thing. If anyone has similar issues or can offer any advice at all I would GREATLY appreciate it. I'll be honest I am fearful of searching through everyone's posts, as I am concerned it will trigger my attacks or whatever.  Thank you so much for your time. -Jake

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Hi Jake, these are the exact situations benzos are good for, a much better coping mechanism than alcohol, which is good at the times, but doubles down on anxiety the next day. I'm sure you know how benzo addiction goes, so probably don't need to mention to be careful (you seem to be very sensible about this stuff already).

I would try and ride it out as best you can for a few months, then, if there is no change, start thinking about medication. Although it sounds like you don't have hppd (great news) i think the anxiety and dpdr should be treated in a similar way... Avoid drugs and alcohol, even caffeine, eat healthy, work out/exercise, try to de-stress in anyway you can, even if it means slobbing in front of the tv for a couple of months. 

All the best, Jay

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I felt the same way when I found this forum.  I was finally not alone with this disorder.    If it's only been three to four weeks, give yourself some time.  You went through a very intense experience and it can take a while to settle back down.  I especially remember DMT being like that.  I remember it used to make me like I'd stepped up to some abyss, like stepping up to the edge of the Grand Canyon.  That always made me feel uneasy and just strange for a while.

I've taken the "no medication" approach to dealing with this disorder so I'm not much help there.  I understand, medications have helped many people in this forum so I'm not knocking them.  It's just not the path I chose.  

I'm glad you found this forum.  Keep posting and let us know how you're doing.  Your experiences may help others in the future.  Also, dig into the conversations.  A lot of very bright people post here.  Their advice and experiences have helped me a great deal.

Take care and hang in there.

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