Jump to content
Hallucinogen Persisting Perception Disorder (HPPD) Support Forum
Sign in to follow this  
Cbc53

Help haha

Recommended Posts

Hello, 

this is my first time posting to this forum i actually just discovered it and it’s already been helping me quite a bit. So, I am a 19 rn and my first trip ever was at 17, I used to only trip once every few months when i first got into lsd, then i turned 18 and got into the rave scene really heavy with the wrong people and i started doing mdma basically weekly for 2/3 months til i finally realized i was being a fucking idiot and i chilled out but still rolled at least 1 time every month bc i still went to lots of festivals and stuff but at these festivals i would not only roll i would candy flip and do ketamine and sometimes more all in the same weekend but after a my first 2cb trip since then when i smoke weed (im a daily smoker) i started to notice visual snow, auras around lights, and floaters, that was back in october but back then it was so minor it didn’t really bother me. But now honestly when i’m sober during the day time i can barely even tell and i’ve already learned to just accept that it’s my reality but when i smoke weed now or after a night out if i do a few bumps of k or blow  in a dark room shit gets crazy but it doesn’t look anything like a beautiful acid trip it just is like patterns and colors and just weird ass visuals that feel like they don’t belong. I’ve been a daily weed smoker for 3 years now i’ve been wanting to quit for a while maybe i’ll just try and use this as my motivation because weed helps w my anxiety and OCD and anger problems a whole lot. Another challenge is quitting all drugs for good bc as i said i’m heavy into the rave scene from being a glover to trying to learn to produce music i love be scene but i’ve realized it’s reallt hard for me to go out and stay sober completely while doing it idk i’ve still tripped and rolled since i’ve realized i have hppd but tripping is definitely not the same anymore i can tell the difference during my trips between the trips current visuals and the clusterfuck of whatever hppd visuals i’m seeing at the time that are always there whether or not i close my eyes. But I honestly really don’t want i never ever use  drug again..,festivals are my favorite thing on the planet and to think i can never fully experience one again even though i’m this young just sucks but i’m asking for advice bc i don’t wanna fuck myself up worse then i already have as of now if i stay sober and go to work or something i don’t even notice/think about it and i feel normal. If you made it this far I want to for one apologize for my spelling and grammar and also thank you for reading this far

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
 
what's up friend
I also joined the raves scene a while ago, I do not know which style you like but my favorite is psytrance. It really sucks to have to cut the drugs, because few people understand such a pleasurable sensation of enjoying a rave under the effect of cannabis or acid. One positive point you have already commented on is that you do not mind the visuals when you are sober or when you are working (at least that is what I understood), which leads me to think that the drugs you are using make you focus on those visuals that you've noticed, that did not bother you but that now bother you, maybe something recently makes you anxious and is ruining your moments of leisure. This bad mental state reflects on your trips and false visual perceptions end up bothering you and spoiling you even more. Apparently your routine is full enough to keep you distracted from the HPPD and to be able to follow your normal life, but maybe this routine is a little repetitive, with few leisure activities and your only momentary leisure may be going out from the weekend to get high. My tip for you, throw yourself on the musical production. I started doing trap and lofi beats recently in fl studio, and now I'm going to trance, it's a lot of fun and satisfying. Think of it, so the next time you go to a festival it will be like attraction and not more public. Stay in peace

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

First of all welcome.  If you're seeking out this forum you're concerned about your well being and that concern is a healthy sign.  You mention being into the rave scene.  Understand that I'm old and probably don't really understand what that means.  That being said, I've continued to go to shows, festivals, and other "events" after I stopped dosing.  I attend clean and sober.  If you enjoy raves, you can still go and be drug free as long as you commit to it.  I'm sorry if that came off sounding like sobriety lecture.  That wasn't my intent.  We make choices as to what we put into our bodies.  The external stimuli isn't an imperative to use drugs.

Don't beat yourself up for using drugs.  It's done and we can't change the past.  Learn from what you've been through and move forward.

Understand that hppd can be debilitating.  If you're susceptible to this disorder the best thing to do is to stop using drugs, at least for a while, and the assess how you're doing.

I can't touch THC because it makes my visuals unbearable and it gives me panic attacks.  However, I do take CBD to level myself out and as a insomnia treatment.  Something to consider.

You're young and have a life ahead of you.  I've been stuck with relentless visuals for 40 years.  Take a long hard look at what you want in your life.  

Take care of yourself, and keep posting if it helps.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

thank you guys for the replies it really is nice to be able to talk about this considering i’m the only one out of most of my friends in the scene that has this, they don’t understand me when i try and talk to them about it haha. but i am definitely taking a much needed break from drugs i slowed down a lot since the new year honestly but i’m gonna try and not do anything at all for a few months at least. I’ve been smoking daily most of the time since i’ve realized i have hppd and it definitely gets intense in dark rooms and if i smoke too much i’ll ger paranoid pretty quick but if i don’t overdue it i’m usually good. But i’m working on knocking that habit as well. I start a new full time job tomorrow so hopefully it keeps me distracted. it’s sad because i’ve never even been able to fully break through on dmt yet and i’ve wanted to, but i think avoiding psychedelics is the most important thing for me rn. I am supposed to be going to a festival during the end of may and i may attempt to roll only with a lower dose because normally rolling doesn’t bother it too much i just dislike tripping with it. But if i do roll it’ll only be on very special and rare occasions from now on. Are there any physically dangerous conditions hppd ,can cause? because honestly for the most part i don’t really mind living with it as long as i keep a tv on in a dark room or whatever it’s pretty easy for me to ignore what i see. If anyone knows any type of method of reversing the effects it would be much appreciated because i do miss tripping and would love to be able to have a normal trip again one day..:( coming to terms with all this is really a struggle for me haha. i’m just gonna attempt to throw myself into producing though like one of you suggested. thanks again :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Sign in to follow this  

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use.