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Hallucinogen Persisting Perception Disorder (HPPD) Support Forum
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Lancer

HPPD since 1972

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Did some LSD in the Navy during 1972 and then several days later, had a flashback of the trip. Never actually came down all the way...I seem to have gotten stuck. I spent the first 5 years frightened and anxious. Lots of alcohol. Lots of snow and tiny dots in front of my eyes. Things move in front of me, much like floaters. I think the roaring in my ears is the worst. Lots of noise. Never quiet...hard to sleep. Parts of my body seemed disconnected. Don't actually register. I could see my arms and legs but, never felt them in space much...if that makes sense. I think the hardest part is knowing there is something wrong with me. This seems to undermine my shaky sense of self. Loss of self esteem and worth...depression...worthlessness. Removes confidence. Never really found any medical staff that had a clue. 
I've continued to spend much of my time deconstructing my entire childhood in the hopes I could find some emotional relief. Extremely helpful as my anxiety levels have been reduced, but never enough to eliminate symptoms...although after 45 years there has been some lessening. I've tried most of the anti anxiety medications. Most simply knock me out or rot my stomach. To be honest the only thing that has ever given any relief was alcohol. I eventually stopped drinking so much because it never stopped the symptoms. The best part seemed to happen the next day. I usually felt better. Still happens. There is some relief, noise lessens, things 'look' clearer, skin feels a bit more like skin instead of many layers. Symptoms return, but I often feel slightly better...not sure why, but in an effort to keep my liver functioning, I can imagine it's the answer. I try ever 5 years or so talking to someone in the medical profession, but never really gets me anywhere. HPPD isn't really on anyone's radar and most physicians seem to that have difficulty  admitting they don't know the answer, or that I might have anything useful to say, etc. Anyway,  I'm writing simply to introduce myself and share another experience with HPPD. It's good to know there is finally a site where people can go and share/read other experiences. Thanks

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Hi Lancer.  I also started taking psychedelics in the early 70s.  I was 13 when I took my first dose in 1973.  I stopped using around 1980.  I think I had hppd symptoms early on but I figured they would just go away once I stopped.

My symptoms have moderated over time as well.  I used to have closed eye visuals, those went away very suddenly in my 40s.  Most of the anxiety dissipated as well.  I'm left with visuals that I'll probably have for the rest of my life.  

I'm happy you're here.  We've both had this disability over the long haul.  Finding this forum was a huge relief to me.  There is a lot of good information and some very knowledgeable folks post here.

Edited by MadDoc

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Thanks MadDoc. I keep thinking someday, someone will figure out some kind of treatment, but perhaps not. I guess in time, after years of working on all the associated depression, suicidal crap etc. AND surviving!! I gradually became more philosophical about it all...a bit more resigned maybe. Not preferable of course,  but finding some way to cope is a huge start.  

I appreciated your post...thanks again..

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I think we get philosophical as we age.  I'll have this disorder for the rest of my life.  I've accepted that.  Like anyone who has a disability, I just try to do the best I can.  Life has been good, and I'm hoping I get to be here for many more years.   

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