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Redrose23

Hppd, or something worse? -please just read.

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Hi, I'm 16 and 5 months ago I smoked weed for the first time, never have taken any sort of drug before that. I had a really bad trip, followed by panic attacks and heavy depersonalization/derealization. When I woke up the next day for the whole entire week it looked like everything was in fast forward. After that week the world started to look dreamlike out of nowhere and then I got used to the symptom (especially after I knew it couldn't hurt me) and it kinda went away, my dp/dr was going away too but I was still pretty anxious and shaken up by the whole experience. About 2 months ago I was walking down the street and my vision started focusing and unfocusing, and I was back in a dream state. I started experiencing all types of really scary visual symptoms like static, after-images, looking up in the sky and seeing all these little tiny white dots (SO MANY), vision skips, tunnel vision, flashing whenever I look at lights, I even have seen colors or glimmers on walls before. Objects have violently shaken up until I blinked, when I bite down on my nail everything goes up and down with it (it's really hard to explain) or when I chew the whole world shakes with every bite. I can't look up, down, then side to side or else my eyes feel so fucked. I have this head pressure 24/7, reading is hard as the letters shift every 10 seconds.  I am so so scared, I know you guys probably don't care but before this, I was a really good student, ran track, had plans of going to college and I can't even walk outside now without everything looking so fucking weird. I feel like I'm going crazy. Did I permanently fuck up my brain? Does this even sound like Hppd or something else? I have no one else to really talk to about this because no one else in my life understands, everyone I know just smokes weed and it perfectly fine, Please please if you have ANY advice or can relate to any of my symptoms I would really appreciate it.

Edited by Redrose23

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Hi Redrose,

To me, this sounds like HPPD. I can relate to so much of what you are experiencing. Even when you mention the world moving as you chew, I’ve felt that countless times. About 5 months ago I was diagnosed with HPPD and I thought my life was over. I was studying abroad during college and had to be evacuated from the country because I couldn’t step outside of my room without having a panic attack. People looked like cartoon characters, objects moved in my peripheral vision, walls would pulse and breathe amongst many other terrifying symptoms. After about 2 months, the visual symptoms died down, although I still had the visual static and that weird dreamlike feeling. I’m now prescribed a very low dose of klonopin and Keppra, which has done wonders for me. I would say almost all of the symptoms have gone away except for the visual snow. My advice to you is to reach out for help, whether it’s your parents or a psychiatrist and try not to be discouraged. It may take a couple doctors to fully understand what you are going through. I promise you it’s going to get better and this online community can be extremely helpful in terms of support. Try not to go crazy with researching the symptoms and stories. I’ve found that the more I thought about the symptoms, the more I’ve noticed it. TM (transcendental meditation) has also helped me quite a bit with my anxiety. If you need any more advice or you just want to talk, feel free to message me! I promise you that things are going to get better! :)

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hey,

yeah sounds like hppd to me too, by the way im 17, so if u need someone ur age ish to talk to feel free to pop up! would even be appreciated. I completely get how you feel and its fucking peak man. 

sending bare love to you,

even if its hard try and look for the little bits of good in everyday, no matter how hard and hopeless shit can seem sometimes

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