By Loukas iliop
Hi guys. Im apparently new to the forum, so i want to start by explaining my story and how and why i got here. Im 16 years old and as you can imagine, people between that age aren't very concerned about their health or anything in general. Even though i was a kid who liked exercising or working out i was also very curious on trying drugs like weed . About a year ago, my mom got cancer but i couldn't feel anything, like i had no fear that she was going to die(i hadnt tried any drug in my life, not even tobacco or alcohol), feeling like im some kind of numb, not having empathy (which scared me because i was that kid who would be concerned about anything related to his family.) A couple months later, i started feeling more lost. I had lost the days and i didnt care at all . I was depressed but i didnt want to realize it. I couldn't accept the fact that something was wrong about my mental health at that point. After my vacation between December and January, i came back, again kinda numb. School was closed for Christmas and would open soon. As school opened, my friend asked me if i want to smoke some weed with his friends. Not even thinking about it, i answered, why not? The next couple of weeks i would smoke about 2-3 bong hits a week(nothing more). And yet i wasnt feeling high(maybe because of the dosage) . So one day i made a stupid desicion to get as high as possible(at that point i hadnt get a single high feeling in my life, not even from the bong hits). I started smoking and taking bong hits. I ate nothing. Fifteen minutes later i was kinda confused. I would be so stupid that i couldn't even think of simple things. I started to realize that i was high and it felt cool, for the first minutes. 2 minutes later i started feeling like i was in a boat, like i was lost and dizzy. Suddenly, my vision started to have some wierd black dots everywhere . I had a blackout and a bad panic attack . The high was so strong that i couldn't control or see anything for a couple of seconds(idk if that sounds a bit unrealistic but im trying to explain everything as it went through). After that seconds, i took control over my body, but it was like i was in a lucid dream. Like i was a camera, like i was observing the world through the tiniest tv screen . I felt my body strange. I would touch things and feel them after 2 to 3 seconds . I was so confused and anxious . My friends had freaked out because nothing similar didnt happen to them ever .i lost my mind, i got paranoid that this thing would last forever, like i was going to live the rest of my life like this. 2 hours later i wasn't high no more, but something felt strange. I went to sleep and i remember being between sleep and awake. I was so lost that night. I was having a dream of getting paranoid while i was also partly awake. The morning came and yet i was lost. I had black dots around my visual field, I couldn't see the walls clearly, like if they had some light everywhere in them. Moving my eyes from a shiny direction to another, i would see the previous image blurry for a couple of seconds. All that combined scared the shit out of me making me more paranoid about everything. I started feel like i was fake, everything seemed like a dream, my body felt like it wasnt mine. I got home after school and i remember having a nap caude i was to tired. Again, i couldn't sleep, i was somewhere between sleep and awake, lost. I woke up feeling like i was a stranger to everything. I had delay on touching things like when i was high. Im not gonna lie, i thought i was in a dream again. That night i explained my parents everything and they were very helpful. The next days my symptoms got worse. My anxiety increased and i had some terrible panic attacks. I would see those black dots everywhere ( when i would wake up in the morning they were moving fast as hell), and a little tinnitus. After a couple of days i would have that delay over the things i touch for some minutes and that was kinda annoying and unexplainable to me . I started observing around and seeing some small halos around people. The first couple of months was literally HELL. Suicide was the only option, i would tell to myself. Everyday i was overanalyzing everything. My walk, the way i talk, how am i able to see humans everyday without observing everything they do and all that insane stuff. It became i habit. Every single day 24/7 checking in to see whats wrong , if im going to be like this for the rest of my life. I went to therapists but they didnt help. They wouldn't diagnose anything. I had an mri and still nothing. I was feeling so unaware of everything. Being in autopilot. I also started homeopathy but it didnt help. My visual symptoms stayed the same 24/7 . The only time the were worse , it was when i was waking up(stayed for 10-15 minutes and then back to normal). 2 months got by without me doing nothing except of overanalyzing every single detail of me, my movements everything.it was that time that i couldn't take it anymore. I started running once a week . It did help with my anxiety (not my visual symptoms though. They were the same all the time.) I also started to taking cold showers. Amazing . Simply amazing for my mental state. It was so difficult at first but i tried and trying my best not to care about jt . I would gonto school and starting to get mote sociable,although feeling lost cause of my vision, but i tried not to care at all(it helped). Now im 4 months after that terrible experience and im way better with the dpdr thing. The only thing that remains is the visual symptoms and the feeling that im in a moving boat. They scare me sometimes causing me panic attacks. I hope that time will heal me and all that people that feeling hopeless. Remember guys, you are not hopeless. You will never be. I was hopeless for months and i did nothing. I AM BETTER. even though my vs and all that hppd symptoms are still there im in a way better mental state than i was. If someone is feeling hopeless or wants to talk, feel free to hit my dm anytime. That was my story . Hope u people found ot helpful. It surely release some kind of a tension to me! Stay safe
By Loukas iliop
Hello guys, i am very curious. Do neck exercises and overall posture exercises help hppd sufferrers by reducing symptoms? I came across this because hppd is related to visual snow and by developing a good posture and doing daily neck stretches, visual snow will be reduced.
One thing that has been consistent since those 2 years of dealing with HPPD is that the longer since I woke up the better I feel.
Some days I almost feel normal on the evening.
But the mornings are always awful.
Has any of you also felt that sleeping seems to worsen symptoms of HPPD ?
I'd be interested on hearing what you guys have to say on this subject.
Let me end by wishing you strength on dealing with this shit.
Just found out that this forum exists and a few months ago what HPPD is. Figured I share my story what made me come here sadly
Around year ago I did my first ever psychedelic around 50ug of LSD, even before that a year I did 2-3 times MDMA, for the first days I didnt notice anything unusual, I felt good actually. Then came the strange morphings in my visions in low light conditions, I actually saw my tattoo on my forearm become a full sleeve on my arm, for many months after still...strange feeling, I immediately know whats going on, some kind of after effect of the LSD, so I got scared away from psychedelics,...after that I only touched weed which I had no problem with it, up until this point, a few weeks ago, I been on a really down point of my life, been struggling with anxiety and depression most my life, but the last few years I felt like its getting better, however, I figured I give a try to microdosing LSD, maybe I will get my life together with the help of it. I always looked at drugs as tools, never as something just for fun, so I started 2 weeks ago, taking around ~30ug, then 3 days off, and again..until the 4th time, I felt positive I really thought this can help me, get things set in my life. but...after the last dosage, on the next day I went to bed for an afternoon sleep, got a weird like LSD dream, which best I could describe as the oncoming of LSD that feeling, that gets stronger and stronger, at that point I woke up, all of a sudden, panting and somewhat scared,.. with a ringing ear(tinnitus) and mild visual snow,(i think i had it before but now more aware maybe?!, and the floaters. I knew what was going on, HPPD - because around 2-3 months ago I bumped into this HPPD thing, so I briefly looked it up.
Like everyone else here, I'm also scared that I have two live with this and just wont go away, and literally no cure for it,
Also annoyed by the fact that didn't even properly had the chance to know more about psychedelics, because I still want to know whats my mind has inside, but my well being is more important.
However I gonna stop experimenting, even with weed, been on regularly weed(2-3times a week) which helped me the most, but I tried smoking few days ago, and made the tinnitus worse sooo...,
I'm just try and gonna focus on things that matter now, stay focused, get goals, live life without fears, get a better life!
I just really wish the ringing would go away, thats really annoying, I don't wanna focus on it and dwell on it every time I hear it in my head, but it's there..hopefully gonna slowly go away.