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Hallucinogen Persisting Perception Disorder (HPPD) Support Forum
therocknamedwonder

HPPD Story & Introduction

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Hello All,

PS: I'm sorry this is so long, but i'm desperate...

Although this site seems to be fairly inactive, I am still glad to have found people who also suffer from HPPD. I'm 18, and I only fairly recently developed intense around-the-clock symptoms around a month and a half ago; but I think I may have had very mild HPPD for around 3 or so months before that. I've only done acid once, mushrooms a handful of times, as well as K & a research chemical (given to me without my consent). I think my case is extremely rare, as my initial alarming symptoms were brought on by smoking weed, which was especially disheartening since I have been smoking several times daily since I was 14. It was horrible. I had an indescribable acid flashback that lasted around 26 hours ( I experienced full blown hallucinations, both visual and auditory ), that ended with me taking a trip to the hospital, due to the fact I had believed I had experienced a psychotic break. 

I have been sober since the incident, except for nicotine, which I also quit a little over 3 weeks ago. So now I'm completely sober. I'm currently also starting lamictal on a low dose (25mg) and I take clonidine x2 times a day for the accompanied extreme anxiety (.5mg x2) 

My visuals include some of the usual stuff; VS, after images, halos, heightened sharpness/saturation on everything, wavy walls, difficulty focusing on small patterns, tracers, trails, floaters esp while looking at the sky, etc. I also have DR/DP, as well as weird head feelings, tittinitus, and strange dreams. 

Truthfully, I am on here looking for support, knowledge about my newly developed condition, and just connection with people who understand. I would love to talk to people about HPPD who know what living day to day with this condition is like. No one I know has HPPD and it's scary living life day to day with all my new symptoms. I have hope that they will get better, but I know it's a slow healing process and I would love guidance & just someone to chat about how hard living with HPPD can be, especially being sober. It's difficult. 

Please reach out if you feel so inclined ❤️

Edited by therocknamedwonder

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Welcome to the board... You are still in the early days of hppd, so there is every chance you will start to see a recovery, especially as you were quick to go sober. My personal opinion is not to rush into the meds and just get used to hppd and find your baseline. If nothing has changed in 3-6 months, then maybe start exploring meds... Just my 2 cents

All the best, Jay

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Hello, I'm sorry to hear what you are going through but know that there is always hope! First of all you sound like you have a good head on your shoulders, know yourself and know your body and listen to them; sounds like you already are.  Sobriety in my opinion is the best option, plus you are very young and the body/mind are resilient.  Give it time, relax if possible and be as healthy as you can to aid in your recovery.  I have found consistent sleep, regular exercise and a balanced diet all help.  Like you said it will be slow, you might not even notice changes but it will get easier; find what works for you and keep doing it. We are here for your support; take care and good luck. Remember one day at a time. 

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On 9/12/2018 at 2:46 AM, Jay1 said:

Welcome to the board... You are still in the early days of hppd, so there is every chance you will start to see a recovery, especially as you were quick to go sober. My personal opinion is not to rush into the meds and just get used to hppd and find your baseline. If nothing has changed in 3-6 months, then maybe start exploring meds... Just my 2 cents

All the best, Jay

Thank you for the welcome! That's honestly so nice to hear... I'm trying to make the decisions that will be best for my brain and body. 

As far as medication goes, I would love to live without them, but the anxiety and depression (which I already suffered from beforehand) have become absolutely unbearable. Is there an alternative to medication you can reccomend? Perhaps some supplements or any other day to day tips? 

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On 9/12/2018 at 6:13 AM, cosmiccharlie said:

Hello, I'm sorry to hear what you are going through but know that there is always hope! First of all you sound like you have a good head on your shoulders, know yourself and know your body and listen to them; sounds like you already are.  Sobriety in my opinion is the best option, plus you are very young and the body/mind are resilient.  Give it time, relax if possible and be as healthy as you can to aid in your recovery.  I have found consistent sleep, regular exercise and a balanced diet all help.  Like you said it will be slow, you might not even notice changes but it will get easier; find what works for you and keep doing it. We are here for your support; take care and good luck. Remember one day at a time. 

I'm trying my best to give myself the best shot to heal! I think I am actually slowly improving, or at least I'm becoming more acclimated to my symptoms. My head feels more clear than it did initially, although a lot of stuff remains unchanged. I'm trying to keep hope ((: 

I've been sleeping around 8-10 hours a night, which has helped a lot; I think a lot of people with hppd would agree sleep deprivation makes it a lot worse. What kind of exercise would you reccomend? everytime I've tried exercise, oddly enough it makes my symptoms much worse. 

Thank you so much for your kind words ((: Like you said, one day at a time.

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15 hours ago, therocknamedwonder said:

Thank you for the welcome! That's honestly so nice to hear... I'm trying to make the decisions that will be best for my brain and body. 

As far as medication goes, I would love to live without them, but the anxiety and depression (which I already suffered from beforehand) have become absolutely unbearable. Is there an alternative to medication you can reccomend? Perhaps some supplements or any other day to day tips? 

Inositol worked well for my depression and also has a calming effect. My main advice is to do whatever you can to reduce stress though... If that means locking yourself in a room and watching movies or playing games for the next 3 months.. Do it.. That might mean quitting work or college, but your mental health for the rest of your life is just too important to worry about things that you can rebuild later. 

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On 9/14/2018 at 12:56 PM, Jay1 said:

Inositol worked well for my depression and also has a calming effect. My main advice is to do whatever you can to reduce stress though... If that means locking yourself in a room and watching movies or playing games for the next 3 months.. Do it.. That might mean quitting work or college, but your mental health for the rest of your life is just too important to worry about things that you can rebuild later. 

Locking himself will increase depression and anxiety. go and do what before hppd you always do , whatever happens to you ,you will develop coping skills to make your life more easier 

Edited by subzero

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On 9/14/2018 at 3:56 AM, Jay1 said:

Inositol worked well for my depression and also has a calming effect. My main advice is to do whatever you can to reduce stress though... If that means locking yourself in a room and watching movies or playing games for the next 3 months.. Do it.. That might mean quitting work or college, but your mental health for the rest of your life is just too important to worry about things that you can rebuild later. 

I've already been doing this, so great to hear you think that's a good idea... I've been somewhat treating my hppd like a brain injury. Trying to just get lots of sleep, avoid stress, and relax. I've noticed lots of deep sleep seems to improve my symptoms, even just for the day. Thanks again ((:

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1 hour ago, subzero said:

Locking himself will increase depression and anxiety. go and do what before hppd you always do , whatever happens to you ,you will develop coping skills to make your life more easier 

That's not necessarily true, I've found that a lot of stuff I used to do before has caused me even more anxiety. Right now i'm just gonna focus on healing and trying to rest, maybe changing my diet & learning meditation/point mechanisms. Btw, I'm a lady

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2 hours ago, stupidk said:

what were you symptoms before the full blown hppd? were you smoking weed during the mild symptoms you had before the full blown hppd?

My symptoms were very very mild before the full blown hppd. Slight trails, halos. However, whenever I would smoke weed I would basically start to full on trip -- I had visuals similar to a low dose of mushrooms. I even had mild auditory distortions. Yes, I was smoking weed before the 'full blown hppd'. I only have moderate hppd I believe -- and for that i'm grateful. I didn't know I had hppd before I had my acid flashback smoking weed.

 

I read your introduction post & in my opinion if you do have hppd, it's very mild. Stay away from all drugs, even nicotine if possible, and I'm guessing it'll go away. Not an expert by any means but it does seem extremely mild & that's my best advice. STAY CLEAN. Don't make the mistake many ppl did on this forum and push your limits ( including me ). You have the warning signs, now listen to them! 

Best of luck to you ((: 

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On 9/13/2018 at 2:05 PM, therocknamedwonder said:

I'm trying my best to give myself the best shot to heal! I think I am actually slowly improving, or at least I'm becoming more acclimated to my symptoms. My head feels more clear than it did initially, although a lot of stuff remains unchanged. I'm trying to keep hope ((: 

I've been sleeping around 8-10 hours a night, which has helped a lot; I think a lot of people with hppd would agree sleep deprivation makes it a lot worse. What kind of exercise would you reccomend? everytime I've tried exercise, oddly enough it makes my symptoms much worse. 

Thank you so much for your kind words ((: Like you said, one day at a time.

I can relate to exercising exasperating the symptoms but if you can get past that I think it ultimately helps. As I’m sure you know exercise stimulates brain growth/repair and of course improves your mood. As for the type of exercise whatever works best for you. I like cardio and body weight routines. Long low intensity cardio is supposed to be very good for your brain; for example jogging or bicycle. Strength training is good to prevent injury and balance your routine; swimming is also amazing. Try a few different things; the most important thing is consistency, and that goes for living healthy to move past hppd. If we consistently treat our mind and body with respect we can only improve. Be hopeful and things will get better. Let me know if you have any other questions. Good luck and stay strong! 

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On 9/21/2018 at 3:21 PM, subzero said:

go and do what before hppd you always do , whatever happens to you ,you will develop coping skills to make your life more easier 

In the long term, if hppd looks like it is here to stay, then yes... You have to fight hard to regain your life. I've preached this a thousand times here. 

In the short term though, removing stress and anxiety is key to recovery. 

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Will someone explain their after images to me. I have after images against walls (if someone is against a wall and I shift my eyes I will see the outline of object almost in a “light” version on the wall) and if I’m looking at a light the light stays in my vision longer than It should (can’t tell if it’s bc I’m looking to see if it is there or not). Was also wondering about trails... I see a trail of light when I’m in the dark and wave my phone around, isn’t this normal? I can’t tell what “normal” is anymore 😕 

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