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HPPD Story & Introduction


therocknamedwonder

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Hello All,

PS: I'm sorry this is so long, but i'm desperate...

Although this site seems to be fairly inactive, I am still glad to have found people who also suffer from HPPD. I'm 18, and I only fairly recently developed intense around-the-clock symptoms around a month and a half ago; but I think I may have had very mild HPPD for around 3 or so months before that. I've only done acid once, mushrooms a handful of times, as well as K & a research chemical (given to me without my consent). I think my case is extremely rare, as my initial alarming symptoms were brought on by smoking weed, which was especially disheartening since I have been smoking several times daily since I was 14. It was horrible. I had an indescribable acid flashback that lasted around 26 hours ( I experienced full blown hallucinations, both visual and auditory ), that ended with me taking a trip to the hospital, due to the fact I had believed I had experienced a psychotic break. 

I have been sober since the incident, except for nicotine, which I also quit a little over 3 weeks ago. So now I'm completely sober. I'm currently also starting lamictal on a low dose (25mg) and I take clonidine x2 times a day for the accompanied extreme anxiety (.5mg x2) 

My visuals include some of the usual stuff; VS, after images, halos, heightened sharpness/saturation on everything, wavy walls, difficulty focusing on small patterns, tracers, trails, floaters esp while looking at the sky, etc. I also have DR/DP, as well as weird head feelings, tittinitus, and strange dreams. 

Truthfully, I am on here looking for support, knowledge about my newly developed condition, and just connection with people who understand. I would love to talk to people about HPPD who know what living day to day with this condition is like. No one I know has HPPD and it's scary living life day to day with all my new symptoms. I have hope that they will get better, but I know it's a slow healing process and I would love guidance & just someone to chat about how hard living with HPPD can be, especially being sober. It's difficult. 

Please reach out if you feel so inclined ❤️

Edited by therocknamedwonder
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Welcome to the board... You are still in the early days of hppd, so there is every chance you will start to see a recovery, especially as you were quick to go sober. My personal opinion is not to rush into the meds and just get used to hppd and find your baseline. If nothing has changed in 3-6 months, then maybe start exploring meds... Just my 2 cents

All the best, Jay

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Hello, I'm sorry to hear what you are going through but know that there is always hope! First of all you sound like you have a good head on your shoulders, know yourself and know your body and listen to them; sounds like you already are.  Sobriety in my opinion is the best option, plus you are very young and the body/mind are resilient.  Give it time, relax if possible and be as healthy as you can to aid in your recovery.  I have found consistent sleep, regular exercise and a balanced diet all help.  Like you said it will be slow, you might not even notice changes but it will get easier; find what works for you and keep doing it. We are here for your support; take care and good luck. Remember one day at a time. 

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On 9/12/2018 at 2:46 AM, Jay1 said:

Welcome to the board... You are still in the early days of hppd, so there is every chance you will start to see a recovery, especially as you were quick to go sober. My personal opinion is not to rush into the meds and just get used to hppd and find your baseline. If nothing has changed in 3-6 months, then maybe start exploring meds... Just my 2 cents

All the best, Jay

Thank you for the welcome! That's honestly so nice to hear... I'm trying to make the decisions that will be best for my brain and body. 

As far as medication goes, I would love to live without them, but the anxiety and depression (which I already suffered from beforehand) have become absolutely unbearable. Is there an alternative to medication you can reccomend? Perhaps some supplements or any other day to day tips? 

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On 9/12/2018 at 6:13 AM, cosmiccharlie said:

Hello, I'm sorry to hear what you are going through but know that there is always hope! First of all you sound like you have a good head on your shoulders, know yourself and know your body and listen to them; sounds like you already are.  Sobriety in my opinion is the best option, plus you are very young and the body/mind are resilient.  Give it time, relax if possible and be as healthy as you can to aid in your recovery.  I have found consistent sleep, regular exercise and a balanced diet all help.  Like you said it will be slow, you might not even notice changes but it will get easier; find what works for you and keep doing it. We are here for your support; take care and good luck. Remember one day at a time. 

I'm trying my best to give myself the best shot to heal! I think I am actually slowly improving, or at least I'm becoming more acclimated to my symptoms. My head feels more clear than it did initially, although a lot of stuff remains unchanged. I'm trying to keep hope ((: 

I've been sleeping around 8-10 hours a night, which has helped a lot; I think a lot of people with hppd would agree sleep deprivation makes it a lot worse. What kind of exercise would you reccomend? everytime I've tried exercise, oddly enough it makes my symptoms much worse. 

Thank you so much for your kind words ((: Like you said, one day at a time.

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15 hours ago, therocknamedwonder said:

Thank you for the welcome! That's honestly so nice to hear... I'm trying to make the decisions that will be best for my brain and body. 

As far as medication goes, I would love to live without them, but the anxiety and depression (which I already suffered from beforehand) have become absolutely unbearable. Is there an alternative to medication you can reccomend? Perhaps some supplements or any other day to day tips? 

Inositol worked well for my depression and also has a calming effect. My main advice is to do whatever you can to reduce stress though... If that means locking yourself in a room and watching movies or playing games for the next 3 months.. Do it.. That might mean quitting work or college, but your mental health for the rest of your life is just too important to worry about things that you can rebuild later. 

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On 9/14/2018 at 12:56 PM, Jay1 said:

Inositol worked well for my depression and also has a calming effect. My main advice is to do whatever you can to reduce stress though... If that means locking yourself in a room and watching movies or playing games for the next 3 months.. Do it.. That might mean quitting work or college, but your mental health for the rest of your life is just too important to worry about things that you can rebuild later. 

Locking himself will increase depression and anxiety. go and do what before hppd you always do , whatever happens to you ,you will develop coping skills to make your life more easier 

Edited by subzero
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On 9/14/2018 at 3:56 AM, Jay1 said:

Inositol worked well for my depression and also has a calming effect. My main advice is to do whatever you can to reduce stress though... If that means locking yourself in a room and watching movies or playing games for the next 3 months.. Do it.. That might mean quitting work or college, but your mental health for the rest of your life is just too important to worry about things that you can rebuild later. 

I've already been doing this, so great to hear you think that's a good idea... I've been somewhat treating my hppd like a brain injury. Trying to just get lots of sleep, avoid stress, and relax. I've noticed lots of deep sleep seems to improve my symptoms, even just for the day. Thanks again ((:

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1 hour ago, subzero said:

Locking himself will increase depression and anxiety. go and do what before hppd you always do , whatever happens to you ,you will develop coping skills to make your life more easier 

That's not necessarily true, I've found that a lot of stuff I used to do before has caused me even more anxiety. Right now i'm just gonna focus on healing and trying to rest, maybe changing my diet & learning meditation/point mechanisms. Btw, I'm a lady

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2 hours ago, stupidk said:

what were you symptoms before the full blown hppd? were you smoking weed during the mild symptoms you had before the full blown hppd?

My symptoms were very very mild before the full blown hppd. Slight trails, halos. However, whenever I would smoke weed I would basically start to full on trip -- I had visuals similar to a low dose of mushrooms. I even had mild auditory distortions. Yes, I was smoking weed before the 'full blown hppd'. I only have moderate hppd I believe -- and for that i'm grateful. I didn't know I had hppd before I had my acid flashback smoking weed.

 

I read your introduction post & in my opinion if you do have hppd, it's very mild. Stay away from all drugs, even nicotine if possible, and I'm guessing it'll go away. Not an expert by any means but it does seem extremely mild & that's my best advice. STAY CLEAN. Don't make the mistake many ppl did on this forum and push your limits ( including me ). You have the warning signs, now listen to them! 

Best of luck to you ((: 

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On 9/13/2018 at 2:05 PM, therocknamedwonder said:

I'm trying my best to give myself the best shot to heal! I think I am actually slowly improving, or at least I'm becoming more acclimated to my symptoms. My head feels more clear than it did initially, although a lot of stuff remains unchanged. I'm trying to keep hope ((: 

I've been sleeping around 8-10 hours a night, which has helped a lot; I think a lot of people with hppd would agree sleep deprivation makes it a lot worse. What kind of exercise would you reccomend? everytime I've tried exercise, oddly enough it makes my symptoms much worse. 

Thank you so much for your kind words ((: Like you said, one day at a time.

I can relate to exercising exasperating the symptoms but if you can get past that I think it ultimately helps. As I’m sure you know exercise stimulates brain growth/repair and of course improves your mood. As for the type of exercise whatever works best for you. I like cardio and body weight routines. Long low intensity cardio is supposed to be very good for your brain; for example jogging or bicycle. Strength training is good to prevent injury and balance your routine; swimming is also amazing. Try a few different things; the most important thing is consistency, and that goes for living healthy to move past hppd. If we consistently treat our mind and body with respect we can only improve. Be hopeful and things will get better. Let me know if you have any other questions. Good luck and stay strong! 

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On 9/21/2018 at 3:21 PM, subzero said:

go and do what before hppd you always do , whatever happens to you ,you will develop coping skills to make your life more easier 

In the long term, if hppd looks like it is here to stay, then yes... You have to fight hard to regain your life. I've preached this a thousand times here. 

In the short term though, removing stress and anxiety is key to recovery. 

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Will someone explain their after images to me. I have after images against walls (if someone is against a wall and I shift my eyes I will see the outline of object almost in a “light” version on the wall) and if I’m looking at a light the light stays in my vision longer than It should (can’t tell if it’s bc I’m looking to see if it is there or not). Was also wondering about trails... I see a trail of light when I’m in the dark and wave my phone around, isn’t this normal? I can’t tell what “normal” is anymore ? 

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  • 4 weeks later...

What you describe in my opinion are ‘classic’ afterimages; these are really irritating and can be distracting. I have found that not focusing on them helps where as starting at something attempting to check if I see an afterimages or not tends to exacerbate it. Keep pushing forward and try to do everything you can to allow your body and mind to heal; they will if you let them. Don’t focus on the mistakes only focus on what you can control and what you want in life. Life does get better but it may take some time. Take care and let me know if you ever want to chat. 

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Thanks for the info very helpful

Im a mum of someone with pretty serious hppd. A very general question first... Are you in Australia? And  When u say removing stress really helps does that mean better to live quietly than push yourself to work? Can hppd sufferers get on to disability payments if working is too stressful ? 

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3 minutes ago, Helenr said:

Thanks for the info very helpful

Im a mum of someone with pretty serious hppd. A very general question first... Are you in Australia? And  When u say removing stress really helps does that mean better to live quietly than push yourself to work? Can hppd sufferers get on to disability payments if working is too stressful ? 

I'm sorry to hear your son has very serious hppd. It's a hard thing to deal with & ik it can be super rough, especially if your symptoms are not easy to ignore )):

I am unfortunately not in Australia, I'm in america. I can't speak for others on the forum. 

I think stress & exhaustion make symtoms worse for everyone across the board, so most people try to remove both of those as best to their ability. I've found if I push myself too far, either sleep wise or work wise, my symptoms get way worse /: Many people on this forum recommend meditation, reducing anxiety, maintaining a good sleep schedule, and removing excess stress. Some people go on medication, although there isn't necessarily a 'tried and true' route to fixing/improving hppd. For some it works, for others it does not.

I don't think people can go on disability for HPPD which is unfortunate since it can really inhibiate people's ability to work, let alone their quality of life. There simply is not enough research on this complicated disorder. 

I wish you & your son the best of luck! Look on the forum for more info on how your son can improve, but know that ultimately time is the best healer ❤️

 

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On 11/2/2018 at 9:44 PM, Helenr said:

Thanks, maybe low stress part time work would be ok . Thanks. 

You are very kind 

It would be good to find the best person in Australia  to take my son to see for a second opinion,  so if anyone knows this please let me know. Cheers 

Good luck! If your son is looking for immediate but short time relief, I've read that benzos ( like xanax or something like that ) can help with that. Unfortunately they're rather addictive if you use them all the time.

Best bet would be to see a psychiatrist if you're looking for medication. Again, does not work for everyone, but might be worth a try if he is really suffering. If they don't believe your story, keep looking or try to explain. It's hard to find doctors who know a lot, if anything about HPPD. DO YOUR OWN RESEARCH! You are your sons best advocate! Look at possible treatments on this forum or online. Just keep in mind there are no official studies, it's usually a case by case basis.

Therapy/meditation/reducing anxiety are ways to deal with HPPD without medication. They can help with day to day dealing with hppd. Best of luck to you both.

 

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  • 4 weeks later...

Hi I can totally relate to your feelings. I was EXACTLY the same when I 'surfaced' one morning in August 1970!!!! I taken some acid a few weeks before, then I woke up to a weird world that was sort of trippy with trails and after images etc.  I thought I was seriously going off my head. I hadn't taken a lot of acid and I remember feeling very guilty for screwing my life up.....I was only 16. But the GOOD news is that it will get better and you'll survive it and live your life again. I promise. My HPPD has never gone away but I've got used to it, and I dont even notice it unless I think about it. This will gradually happen to you too. So be strong. It will be hard going, but you'll come through the rabbit hole. Just never take hallucinogens again, ever! There's no doubt these are the little bastards that fucked our minds - for I don't know what reason- so steer clear. Some people are obviously more susceptible to HPPD than others, and we shouldn't have done the drugs that kicked off the HPPD - but how were we to know?  Anyway keep well, keep fit, get the sun and mot importantly use your mind, study, paint create, anything. Get your head away from thinking on HPPD. Love and peace Tigress x

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