Im totally aware I do this but now my kids ( well, my youngest kid! ) has noticed and this has turned into family ' lets poke fun at Dad' thing - if only they knew the cause!! Hah! :-$
So, anyway, I have a really weird thing, and I quantify if my thinking, if I touch things 'they will be ok and won't start moving again', i.e., start tripping again! I mean, when I'm in the car, I regularly flick/tap the windscreen with my nail on my middle finger, sitting at home I do the same on tables if I'm walking past a wall to the wall, even lying in bed, ill often reach out and trap the wall, also to make sure its all still 'there'!!! My daughter says I often tap my self too, usually on the forehead, I mean, wtf!!! LOL
Sometime I STILL have that sinking feeling when you are falling deep into trip, that horrible feeling in your mouth too, and wake up sweating and tap the wall to make sure everything is all right!
Crazy I know, and note, I'm 27 years into living with HPPD so am pretty long in the tooth, and honestly, since joining this forum, completely at terms with it knowing I am not insane, or crazy, or on an endless trip ( even tho I think I am to an extent ) or the only guy in the world to have had 'this' happen to him!
Anyway, just one of my MANY brain bending quirks I have after many years of abuse! Double note, 8 years drug ( coke ) free, 20 years Acid and 'E' free. Still enjoy alcohol, and caffeine, and I must confess, taking Vallium on a few long haul flights recently was pure bliss, although also reminded me of some dark times during the 'downers years'!!!
Anyway, anyway. maybe its just me, thought id throw it our there anyways!
By Loukas iliop
Hello to the hppd family. After having hppd, a form of visual snow and some dpdr from weed ive been on my worst days of my life. I was panicing, having panic attacks, checking in every minute pf an hour and basically living in some sort of paranoia. 7 months later i started ignoring it and felt immediatelly better. Im now on my month 8 doing no fap, cold showers, no sugar diet, 4 liters of water a day and listening to positive affirmations daily. Evem though all those thing i still experience a lot of nightmares where i also have dpdr hppd etc. Yesterday i saw a very scary realistic dream with some sort of a demon into it. I woke up sweating and being in a lot of discomfort. I closed my eyes and saw the demon appearing and next to him that star or whatever its called just like afterimages (which im used to them trust me :p). They lasted for about 20 seconds amd they were very scary. I have never had tryied amy psychedelics, i have done mri tests and they are perfectly fine , ive given a schizophrenic test (although) i didnt have any symptom(because i was worried) and o had nothing. Before that day i was on day 12 of nofap, doing cold showers, had sugar free diet, being better with my mental state and working out. The only problem i had with my sleep is that i couldn't sleep well last year when i had none of those things ironically. Also, i sometimes experience sleep paralysis but not this time . im a little worried . can anyone relate to this?
I don't know why I've got hppd, the symptoms started years after my bad trip. I used to smoke a lot of "spice" when I was a teen, one time I had a really bad trip, strange hallucinations, and a panic attack. Years after, hppd like symptoms occured, like trails, afterimages etc, but I can't find a cause except maybe anxiety.
Hello All, My name is Allen. I've browsed this site randomly over the past couple years but was afraid share. I'm in my 30's and have had HPPD 2 for 18 years. I was diagnosed 5 years ago after a seeing countless doctors through the years. Recently I found out my wife was pregnant and I became determined to find a treatment or, god willing, a cure. When I was in my mid teens I took lsd about 5 times and I was a chronic marijuana smoker. The last time I took lsd I smoked weed at the same time and I had the worst experience of my life: My heart began to race uncontrollably, my arms and face became numb; I saw long blury trails on everything and I felt hot and cold all at once. It was so intense that I thought for sure I was going to die. In desperation, I curled up in a ball on my couch, closed my eyes, and began to pray to god repeatedly to make it stop and let me live, until eventually I fell asleep. I woke up the next morning and thanked god I was alive. I swore of lsd forever. Unfortunately that didn't stop me from trying to party with my friends as usual. Every time I smoked weed after that I would have severe panic attacks and almost black out. When I'd drink alcohol I felt like I had a lump in my throat and couldn't breathe. A couple weeks after that horrible trip I woke up to a dull version of the same type of visuals I had the night of my bad trip, I was petrified and began having random panic attacks. I finally told my mother what I did and what happened since and she took me to the doctor. The doctor swore it was depression with anxiety and completely dismissed any lsd involvement. She prescribed me Effexor and xanax. The effexor didn't help at all and it made my heart race. The symptoms were not going away. I was afraid I damaged my brain beyond repair. Shortly after I withdrew from school and became a hermit. The xanax helped a lot with anxiety but the visuals remained. Through the years I saw about a dozen different psychiatrists and none of them knew what was wrong with me and continued me on benzodiazepines and ssri's. I lost my insurance and couldn't afford all the doctor appointments and medicine, so I began getting zoloft and Vicodin off the streets to self medicate. Eventually the visuals became less intense and my panic attacks were less frequent. Although the visuals and anxiety are a part of my daily life, I still manage to function. Some days are worse than others but I forced myself back into society and I got a good job in construction, and married my girlfriend who has been with me through this whole experience. I got off the vicodin with suboxone and continued the zoloft. With the news of our first child, I found a new determination to get rid of this horrible disease for good. I told my doctor that I wanted to try anything we can to make this stop and she agreed to start prescribing me different medications to see what, if anything, will work. She prescribed clonidine last visit and I started it 6 days ago. Unfortunately it hasn't helped my visuals at all and last night I began having strange thoughts and seeing weird images when I closed my eyes. I'll keep everyone updated on how it goes. I'm really hopeful that something will get rid of this for good. Wish me luck and good luck to all of you.
P.s. I am thankful to whomever started and maintains this site. I hope we can get this horrible disease more attention and find a real treatment for it.
By Loukas iliop
So, i have been on research lately and somehow came across homeopathy. I was researching about my dpdr and found that there is a homeopathic remedy called Anhalonium lewinii. Anhalonium lewini is a psychedelic plant(has mescaline). As far as im concerned, in homeopathy they treat x with x so it might makes some sense. The reason im writing this here and not on some dpdr forum is because i believe it can help hppd as well. Microdosing this homeopathic remedy helped people get rid of their dpdr. Thats what i read: Anhalonium lewinii is an excellent remedy for brainfag and hallucinations. Patient seems to be in a form of intoxication accompanied by wonderful visions, remarkably beautiful with varied kaleidoscopic changes. These patients lack conception of time, are dissatisfied, suspicious, insecure, forsaken, resentful to society, dissociated from environment and lack self confidence when in company. They self analyze themselves, escape in a world of dreams and feel they are different. These patients can have a confusion of identity, as if had two wills, or are separated from their thoughts, may also have a delusion of floating in the air, of being double, being separated from the physical world and are observing from above.
A lot of people disagree with homeopathy but this sounds interesting. What are your views on it?