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Hallucinogen Persisting Perception Disorder (HPPD) Support Forum
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    • By scaredhuman
      I’ve been trawling through this forum and seems like you guys are really helpful – not sure who’s active anymore but anyway I have some questions. Sorry it's long, if you’re feeling helpful but not up to reading then skip to the end :-) 
      I’m 20 and developed HPPD from LSD maybe 13/14 months ago. Light tracers, afterimages, visual snow, seeing colours etc. It caused me a bit of anxiety towards the beginning but it must have been very mild because it hardly bothered me at all. I could’ve very easily lived with it. I did MDMA multiple times in the following year, and some coke and keta, none made any difference to my HPPD, so I just linked it to LSD (wasn’t sure what it was really).
      Just over a month ago I had mushrooms for the first (and LAST) time. Trip was extremely intense, I passed out and then it was like I’d woken up in another galaxy, but not a terrible experience like some you hear. About a week later I woke up with insane visuals, everything moving around, colours vibrant, people’s faces looked pink and yellow. I was vomiting and could hardly stand up. I felt like my life had ended, like I was no longer myself at all. I was seeing through a fish eye lens, my voice wasn’t my own, everything was moving around me like on a boat (I also have sea sickness so that didn’t help haha), brain fog, paranoia, crippling anxiety, muscle spasms and pain.
      Im lucky enough to have a psych ive been seeing for the last 5 years so had that support. I found out a lot of the non-visual symptoms were anxiety-related (brain fog, muscle spasms, paranoia, and some worsening of visuals). I actually still feel as sharp as ever, just distracted by my visuals a lot of the time. My anxiety hasn’t been as bad, I’ve dealt with anxiety and depression before so that part I can handle.  
      It’s the fucking DP/DR that gets me, have never experienced it before and its hell. It got so bad I thought I was in a virtual reality simulator and my memories were all fake. And the visuals are definitely the cause – how could I not feel like things are fake if everything looks fake? I’ve been very up and down in managing it since then but still functioning, seeing friends, doing uni work, trying to get out and do things, exercise, I already ate pretty healthy.
       
      Symptoms now: everything permanently looks like a mild acid/mushroom trip, covered in very heavy static, nothing looks solid, colours very vibrant and stuff moves in my peripheral vision, and sort of wobbles in and out of shape when I look at it (with all the afterimages, light trails etc. but I was already sort of okay with that stuff and can deal with it), and DP/DR. I am feeling depressed but that I can deal with.
       
      So my questions are: do your visuals (the static in particular) ever fade away or will I just have to get used to them?
       Or as it’s been just over a month since it got really bad, is it worth having Klonopin, Sinemet or Keppra now or should I wait?
      I was thinking sinemet could be worth a try, even though it hasn’t done much to a lot of people, it seems to have the least side effects and I want my DP/DR to go away.
      Or should I just get some Klonopin for the days when it gets really bad?
       
      Very luckily my dad’s a doctor and completely believes me and is willing to prescribe me anything I think will help. (I live in Australia and have heard it’s hard to get it recognised at all here)
       
      Sorry for the long ramble and thank you so much to whoever replies <3
       
       
       
       
       
       

    • By Nation
      Hey all,
      Does anyone else have nothing they can objectively point to as "wrong," no visual static or distortion, but simply a general feeling that something is wrong with one of their senses, and an obsession with this idea?
      I have one of the oddest cases of "HPPD" I've ever heard of, including on these forums.
      About 5 years ago, I took a tab of LSD. I'd been experiencing increasing levels of anxiety on drugs over the previous 6 months, but that didn't deter me. The trip was unremarkable, except that I could not sleep, and that no one around me was on LSD - they were probably doing other drugs since they were all club kids.
      After about 18 hours on this trip, including 2 after parties, taking 10 melatonin pills by accident with no effect, and watching the sunrise by myself, I carried on into the next day, sleep deprived, tired and anxious on the come down. I was terrified of seeing my parents, but needed to go home to get some gear for a DJ gig I had that night. I stole into my house, and decided, for some reason, to change my contact lenses (probably because i'd been wearing the same pair for over 24 hours). I didn't have the correct prescription, so as I remember it I put in a slightly higher prescription in my left eye.
      The next day, and ever since then, I became aware of some anomaly in my left eye. No visual static, noise, or other perceptible hallucinations...just a feeling that something is wrong. However, this feeling and large amount of accompanying anxiety ONLY exists when I am wearing contact lenses. In glasses or without lenses on, I don't feel it. But I hate, hate, hate wearing glasses, especially because I have a high prescription. I also feel broken. With contact lenses on, I feel incapable of conducting myself normally in any situation. However, I feel that I look best without glasses on. I even gave up trying to look good and wore glasses exclusively for months to see if the visual problem would stop, but it didn't.
      It's super weird. Somehow it's like PTSD and I've associated wearing contact lenses with the LSD trip and the HPPD is only activated when I'm wearing them. I'm considering LASIK but don't want to feel like I'm on a permatrip! I'm also obsessed with "figuring it out" - what exactly is going on, how did it start? It's worth noting, I get a lot of other kinds of physical anxiety even when I have glasses on, like neck stiffening or social anxiety. And I tend to get obsessed with the physical manifestations of my anxiety. 
      It's been 5 long years of up and down hell with this. I often feel like if just this one thing would go away, I could feel OK about myself and get on with life. But it haunts me, and like so many other forms of anxiety, the more I think about it, the worse it is. Your thoughts and feelings are welcomed!
       
       
    • By Kaleidoscope
      Hello Everyone! 
      Wow! I have only recently discovered that continuous flashbacks have a label! I have had HPPD since I was 12 years old. Now I am 60. I spent the school year dropping LSD, Psycibin, Mescaline, and Marijuana. One time I simply never came down. It intensified soon soon after. I knew of no one else who had this like I did! I was simply terrified! I only told my brother, not my parents. My biggest fear was that I would get uncontrollably higher. I had every symptom but the very worst was the feeling of not being fully present. The experience was like just arriving in my own body but realizing I had already been doing whatever it was, but not with full presence. Maybe this is "de-personalization"? I would explain it to various Doctors and Opthalmologists through the years and all I got was "hmm....."! So, I finally just learned to cope. Then about a year ago I found the name HPPD. The casebook description of symptoms were as if they had read my secret diary! I know that I was never diagnosed  or believed, but I know  what drugs I used and when the HPPD started. Now it has been 48 years!  Definitely some of the symtoms are not as vivid as in the beginning, however, if I get tired or in a conglomerated atmosphere there they are. I also think after so many years these just become part of your normal perception. For me, HPPD did not go away.
      How did I cope until now? I definitely quit any drug use immediately. I gravitated toward a simple Christian way of life, actually living with Old Order Amish at times, where I was not bombarded by electric stuff. I think those who have HPPD will seriously have to deal with sensory overload and seek out a peaceful existence on many levels.
      Live your life anyway. I raised 7 children, grandchildren and life goes on, just looking through Kaliedoscope eyes!
      Be healthy! Be smart and realize sometimes one stupid mistake done in youth can change your life forever! In my case, I just wanted to be cool in 1969! I really didn't realize the risks. How true it is that we reap what we so!
      I want to cry...that I lived my whole life with this and never found anyone else with this or knew even that it was recognized!
      The only report on flashbacks I ever heard of said that they think LSD creates new neural pathways in the brain.That was maybe 30 yrs ago!
      Wow! I am truly impressed  at my own  survival! 
      Trails, pulsating breathing walls, tinnitus, time slowing down, colors, everything. Even dialated pupils. Sigh. How exhausting at times! 
      It has helped me just to keep in mind that my own perception has been tweeked.My chemistry was altered.
      I would not wish this on anyone! But, if you have it, just live your life as peaceful as you can. Do everything you normally would do because your heightened perception maybe can be helpful in other unexpected ways.
      Don't do anymore drugs.
      Dont tell others who may not understand.
      We've been tricked by the devil's potions! 
      God bless us all!
       
       
       
    • By gabriel
      I came to talk to you about my symptoms a little bit. I'm Brazilian, so if I say something wrong, I apologize, but I'm still not fluent in English.
      About 11 months ago I tried lsd with a friend, after an hour we used weed, and after that I had a very bad trip. Only today I was able to find this forum, because until then I did not even know what I really have. After using lsd, I have never used lsd or weed again. Since then, I have a lot of anxiety, sometimes I feel very depressed, and I really feel some visual effects, such as sensitivity to light, things seem to vibrate a little, and it seems that sometimes I see traces in moving things.
      What makes me bad is that I can never stop thinking about it all, I try to fight against my own mind not to think about it, but it's very difficult, when I realize it, I'm thinking about it. From what I understand I have hppd, but is it normal for me to think about it constantly? Sometimes I think I'm going to go crazy.
      This site was very inspiring to me, until then I was very afraid of what happened to me, and not knowing that there are so many other people with the same problem. So, THANK YOU for making me a little calmer. I will accompany you always now, hoping that I will improve. Thank you.
    • By CCO
      Hello all, 
      My name is Christiaan, I'm 18 years old. Over this past summer I smoked copious ammounts of cannabis and consumed LSD thrice, with a space of three weeks between the first and second expereinces and one week between the second and third. On the first two occasions I consumed half of a 155ug tab and smoked a small ammount of cannabis alongside (around one bowl). during the final experience I tripped in haste in my home, and dabbed pretty heavily alongside. I had an amazing experience on 3/4 of a tab, and on the comedown of this trip I accidentally ate another 3/4 tab, intending to redose only 1/4. I panicked and went to my sister, who became upset and started to frighten me as I began to trip harder, and so I just went into my room and panicked quietly. Eventually, maybe two hours later I took 15mg Remeron, an SNRI I'm perscribed for GAD/Depression, which put me to sleep for a few hours. When I woke up I was no longer tripping. Needless to say, since this past experience I have ceased all cannabis/hallucenogen consumption.
      I have been seeing slight hallucenations. Surfaces sometimes breathe, subjects in paintings seem to float and move around, and when reading lettering, especially on a screen, the words and lines can really seem to warp and slide around a bit. I also have noticed strong starbursting affects on lights especially at night, but I'm fairly sure I experienced that before. I am terrified of this developing into something less easy to ignore, especially since I took an SNRI while I had a good bit of acid in my system. As time goes on I become less and less hopeful that this is simply my anxiety or heightened awareness of normal phenomena. 
       
      Thank you so much if you managed to read all this.
      -Christiaan
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