Hi friends —
My experience with HPPD started about 4 1/2 years ago, with a single dose of MDMA.
For me, my symptoms are: anxiety/panic, DP/DR, visual snow, flashing solid colors, some tinnitus, and seeing movement in geometric patterns.
Also: I used to always be a “crier” and someone who feels their emotions very deeply. During the first few weeks of HPPD, I cried so much, some times out of misery, some times out of gratitude to still be alive, some times because I heard some beautiful music and felt connected to it. But then after a few weeks my emotionality faded, which I assume must have been a psychological coping mechanism. I was so overwhelmed with anxiety that I had to shut down emotionally to stay sane. So no more tears or feelings of meaningful connection. I still want to feel those cry-feels so bad!.
Over the next two years I got better at managing my symptoms, but saw little to no improvement in them. I was still smoking weed often (my bad) & still couldn’t really FEEL, and my anxiety was off the charts 24/7. It was absolute hell every waking day.
A little over two years ago I started on 10mg Celexa, and the improvement I saw in my anxiety levels was life changing. Not gone completely, but I started feeling significantly better and my anxiety attacks became fewer and farther between. Worked my way up to 20mg, which is my current dose.
A few months ago I finally found a neuro who is actually familiar with HPPD, who added Lamictal, ramping up VERY slowly (I only got up to 37.5mg/day). In the first month (2 weeks on 12.5, 2 weeks on 25) I started to notice my visual symptoms clearing up slightly and my brain feeling a bit clearer. It was actually the best I had felt since before HPPD and I was excited to continue ramping up on the lamictal, hoping it might help get me to a place where I can really feel emotions aside from anxiety again.
After that first month though, things started to get unpleasant again. Bouts of anxiety attacks, some good days, some very bad. It felt like I had been consistently alright for a while, but now my worst symptoms are pushing their way back in. I also developed minor muscle twitches every few minutes, which was completely new. I was prescribed Klonopin after a particularly bad anxiety attack and now I take 0.25mg when I feel myself getting panicky. I don’t like it, but it does keep me from panic. I quit smoking weed then (a few months ago), but that hasn’t helped.
My hopeful suspicion is that perhaps I’m experiencing SSRI “poop out” with my Celexa, and could therefore ideally switch SSRIs and continue with lamictal. My neuro says the only way to know that for sure is to come back off the lamictal and see how it feels to just be on the Celexa again. Back down to 25 from 37.5 lamictal and feeling a bit worse actually, but my neuro says I need to get down to zero and wait two months to see what the deal really is. I’d much rather keep my lamictal dosage as is, and try switching to a different SSRI, as that just feels more “right” to me - but she’s the professional so ...
If it turns out that I’m actually not tolerating lamictal well, I am interested in looking into sinemet... it seems to have been a wonder drug for some people here, but I would be very worried about developing dyskinesia, as I work in a field where that could ruin my career.
No targeted questions here really, just looking to share relevant experiences/advice with other HPPD’ers. ❤️
PS: for anyone doing the ol’ downward mental spiral in these forums and feeling hopeless (like I used to), things WILL get better. I’m still having struggles but I’m not in hell like I used to be, and life is very worth living for me right now! I have my bachelors and masters degrees, a solid career at 25, wonderful friendships, and going by objective criteria, am a fully functional human being. You will be okay! Keep advocating for yourself!
----- This post is especially important for the Dutch guys out here on the forum -----
Recently I received a mail from Brijder Jeugd (rehab center) where they tell about a new upcoming research by a neurological department from a medical center about visual snow sufferers, and they're looking for people that want to participe in the research. This could be another opportunity to shred some light on the visual snow and HPPD. The research is targeted for Dutch people but I wouldn't hesitate contacting them in English if you're interested in the research. You can reach them by sending an e-mail to the address below:
If you're interested about the medical center, you can visit their website with the link below:
Leiden University Medical Center
Thanks for your time
Note: I'm not related to the LUMC in any way
"BPC-157 is a synthetic peptide that is being investigated for its regenerative effects. It shows high efficacy for rats suffering toxic or surgical trauma, but there is currently no evidence that it provides benefits for people."
I stumbled upon this peptide after browsing some websites and then I found reddit posts of users claiming that they cured their anhedonia. This substance does not mask symptoms like traditional drugs, but really has some sort of a healing mechanism that rapidly undoes damage from the dopamine system, with almost no side effects reported. This got my interest and I decided to try it out. Here are the results:
250mcg in the morning and 250mcg in the evening, administered with subcutaneous injections. So far I have used a total of 10mg in around 10 days, and I'm planning to do extra cycles in the future.
While injections offer the best bioavailability, it is reported that this substance is stable when taken oral. I cannot confirm this and I'd recommend to inject the substance, or use it sublingually (under the tongue). Subcutaneous injections are almost painless and you'll get used to it quickly.
I'm experiencing permanent benefits from this trial. In general I feel much calmer with myself and my mind is so much clearer. My sense of time has changed back to normal. It feels like the world around me is moving normal again and I can get more done. I'm even boring myself when I'm free. Before this trial I would be able to do a lot less in an hour and it felt like the time shifted faster, and it felt I couldn't get a hold of the world moving around me.
Cognitive functioning has improved a little, I mostly feel benefits from taking fish oil and I believe this substance has contributed to it Depersonalisation and derealisation has definitely improved. Most of the time, it doesn't even bother me and I feel more attached to myself My anhedonia has decreased, I didn't experience a huge improvement but it's still much better I feel generally less anxious - I haven't worried about my condition since My visuals have not changed in any way, but the substance helped me to handle them easier and they don't feel like a big annoyance anymore.
I did not experience any side effects, which is good. There is some research suggesting that it increases tolerance to amphetamine, but it hasn't been tested on humans.
I definitely recommend anyone with HPPD to try this substance. It might help you a lot with depersonalization and derealisation, as it did with mine.
Hi all, long time reader, first time poster.
I got a mild case of HPPD from a six month weed bender. There were like five MDMA rolls and three mushroom trips also. I realized i didn't feel myself and stopped smoking weed, using mushroom and MDMA. This happened about four years ago. My symptoms at their worst during that time was mild VS, mild after images(barely noticeable, but they existed), depersonalization and brain fog.
So, up until recently, the DR, DP and brainfog have really lifted. I barely have any problem with them. I had used some drugs sparingly on the weekends. Stuff like 3-fpm, Hexen, and some others. I'm not proud of this, but my visual symptoms didn't change from what I could discern, so i thought, why not?
One day, I tried a compound I've never had before called 4-mpd. I snroted 30 mgs and went for a jog. When I got back in the house, I realized something was off. My visual snow was a couple levels stronger now. It now climbed freely on the walls with the lights on, and before it didn't. Everything was giving me an after image also. Any light, no matter how dim, caused an after image that would flash for a second of two before fading. I also have illusory palinopsia now; waving my hand causes it to blur across my field of view.
It's been a few months since things have gotten this way and nothing has improved. I wanted to hear any thoughts on this situation.
I quit all drugs and I mean ALL. I run daily and eat reasonably well. I'm just shocked that my visual stuff got so much worse when it seemed like nothing could make it change before. I'm guessing this will probably never get any better. Wanted to share this experience as sort of a warning. Leave the drugs alone. Ask me any questions, no matter how old the post is, I'll keep up as much as I can.
It may just be me getting used to hppd but i find my all cevs to be fading, i find my visual snow to even be less when my eyes are closed as opposed to when theyre opened. Its like im getting a taste of what its like pre trip. Itll be 4 months in 5 days. Unfortunately it seems that when my eyes are opened the static is constant.