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Hallucinogen Persisting Perception Disorder (HPPD) Support Forum
dukkha

Let Me Ask You a Question

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Hi all,

 

I'm not on the forums much for obvious reasons, but I do like to drop by once in a blue moon to say hi. Today I want to ask you all a question.

 

When you see the walls start waving, when you see static dancing on white surfaces, or when you feel your vision contracting, what is actually there? The answer is nothing. Now that's not something you didn't think you already knew, but the fact of the matter is that the answer is the same for those with HPPD and those without. Those people you like to call "normal people" (although I don't think that's an appropriate way to describe them in comparison to yourself) also have random visual input which they process in myriad ways. Us with HPPD also have random visual input which we too process is different ways. But ultimately, at the end of the day, the visual input is all arbitrary in the sense that it does not actually reflect external reality. It's as follows. Let's say you look at a table. Person A see it as a piece of wood with four legs that appears to be sitting nicely in a room. Then then label as "table." Person B (who has HPPD) see it's a piece of wood with four legs that appears to be waving and covered with static in a room. They then label it as "a table that shouldn't be like that and fuck my life I hate HPPD." Now really neither perception nor neither conceptual label is an accurate reflection of reality. If we were able to perceive the table for what it truly its then we would see more space than actual matter because, on the atomic level (I'm not a scientist) the space between particles is in fact greater than the space of the particles themselves. If we were to able to conceptually label it properly, well... actually the thing is that concepts are just that--concepts. They are just thoughts, just ideas that we create. They are no based in reality. Which brings me to my main point. While none of this experience of HPPD is grounded in reality, we believe it to be entirely real. That's where we are trapped. For as long as we believe our visual perceptions including to be "real," we will be trapped in whatever prison our minds create for ourselves, whether it be one with golden bars or with electrical fences and guard dogs. This may sound like a bunch of "just change your mindset, bro" nonsense, but I honestly feel like it is the truth. If you don't believe that change is possible please look more into neuroplasticity (if you are more inclined toward Science) or impermanence (if you are more inclined toward Buddhism). Changing your situation is possible and change rests within yourself, not in something external like some drug or remedy.

 

Wishing you all health and happiness,

 

Dukkha

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Hey there, about a year in to hppd here. I think the mistake I made when I first started having symptoms was that I assumed that my visual perception was perfect before. When I saw things that didn't make sense, like tv screen changing sizes, warping popcorn sealing, I was obviously freaked out. It took a while but I'm at a point where none of that really bothers me at this point. My most important realization was that the way I see things has never been the way they truly are. might add to this thought later on.

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