Hello All, My name is Allen. I've browsed this site randomly over the past couple years but was afraid share. I'm in my 30's and have had HPPD 2 for 18 years. I was diagnosed 5 years ago after a seeing countless doctors through the years. Recently I found out my wife was pregnant and I became determined to find a treatment or, god willing, a cure. When I was in my mid teens I took lsd about 5 times and I was a chronic marijuana smoker. The last time I took lsd I smoked weed at the same time and I had the worst experience of my life: My heart began to race uncontrollably, my arms and face became numb; I saw long blury trails on everything and I felt hot and cold all at once. It was so intense that I thought for sure I was going to die. In desperation, I curled up in a ball on my couch, closed my eyes, and began to pray to god repeatedly to make it stop and let me live, until eventually I fell asleep. I woke up the next morning and thanked god I was alive. I swore of lsd forever. Unfortunately that didn't stop me from trying to party with my friends as usual. Every time I smoked weed after that I would have severe panic attacks and almost black out. When I'd drink alcohol I felt like I had a lump in my throat and couldn't breathe. A couple weeks after that horrible trip I woke up to a dull version of the same type of visuals I had the night of my bad trip, I was petrified and began having random panic attacks. I finally told my mother what I did and what happened since and she took me to the doctor. The doctor swore it was depression with anxiety and completely dismissed any lsd involvement. She prescribed me Effexor and xanax. The effexor didn't help at all and it made my heart race. The symptoms were not going away. I was afraid I damaged my brain beyond repair. Shortly after I withdrew from school and became a hermit. The xanax helped a lot with anxiety but the visuals remained. Through the years I saw about a dozen different psychiatrists and none of them knew what was wrong with me and continued me on benzodiazepines and ssri's. I lost my insurance and couldn't afford all the doctor appointments and medicine, so I began getting zoloft and Vicodin off the streets to self medicate. Eventually the visuals became less intense and my panic attacks were less frequent. Although the visuals and anxiety are a part of my daily life, I still manage to function. Some days are worse than others but I forced myself back into society and I got a good job in construction, and married my girlfriend who has been with me through this whole experience. I got off the vicodin with suboxone and continued the zoloft. With the news of our first child, I found a new determination to get rid of this horrible disease for good. I told my doctor that I wanted to try anything we can to make this stop and she agreed to start prescribing me different medications to see what, if anything, will work. She prescribed clonidine last visit and I started it 6 days ago. Unfortunately it hasn't helped my visuals at all and last night I began having strange thoughts and seeing weird images when I closed my eyes. I'll keep everyone updated on how it goes. I'm really hopeful that something will get rid of this for good. Wish me luck and good luck to all of you.
P.s. I am thankful to whomever started and maintains this site. I hope we can get this horrible disease more attention and find a real treatment for it.
Just found out that this forum exists and a few months ago what HPPD is. Figured I share my story what made me come here sadly
Around year ago I did my first ever psychedelic around 50ug of LSD, even before that a year I did 2-3 times MDMA, for the first days I didnt notice anything unusual, I felt good actually. Then came the strange morphings in my visions in low light conditions, I actually saw my tattoo on my forearm become a full sleeve on my arm, for many months after still...strange feeling, I immediately know whats going on, some kind of after effect of the LSD, so I got scared away from psychedelics,...after that I only touched weed which I had no problem with it, up until this point, a few weeks ago, I been on a really down point of my life, been struggling with anxiety and depression most my life, but the last few years I felt like its getting better, however, I figured I give a try to microdosing LSD, maybe I will get my life together with the help of it. I always looked at drugs as tools, never as something just for fun, so I started 2 weeks ago, taking around ~30ug, then 3 days off, and again..until the 4th time, I felt positive I really thought this can help me, get things set in my life. but...after the last dosage, on the next day I went to bed for an afternoon sleep, got a weird like LSD dream, which best I could describe as the oncoming of LSD that feeling, that gets stronger and stronger, at that point I woke up, all of a sudden, panting and somewhat scared,.. with a ringing ear(tinnitus) and mild visual snow,(i think i had it before but now more aware maybe?!, and the floaters. I knew what was going on, HPPD - because around 2-3 months ago I bumped into this HPPD thing, so I briefly looked it up.
Like everyone else here, I'm also scared that I have two live with this and just wont go away, and literally no cure for it,
Also annoyed by the fact that didn't even properly had the chance to know more about psychedelics, because I still want to know whats my mind has inside, but my well being is more important.
However I gonna stop experimenting, even with weed, been on regularly weed(2-3times a week) which helped me the most, but I tried smoking few days ago, and made the tinnitus worse sooo...,
I'm just try and gonna focus on things that matter now, stay focused, get goals, live life without fears, get a better life!
I just really wish the ringing would go away, thats really annoying, I don't wanna focus on it and dwell on it every time I hear it in my head, but it's there..hopefully gonna slowly go away.
Hello guys, it's been a year since i had the same problem as you. Always exactly 1 year I took 150ug of LSD and had a terrible bad trip that traumatized me and left me sequels. I had flashbacks and I missed a lot because of it. Distorted visions in my peripheral field. All this was cured with antipsychotics, especially risperidone (I can not remember the dosage). But what it took to be cured was the emotional sequel that caused me. Psychedelic experiences transform you radically and unfortunately if you are not prepared for them it may take a long time for you to get back on track and I confess that I am not yet 100% healed of this trauma. But what I can say to you is that the worst of all this is not the visions, but the horrible thoughts that go through our heads thanks to the anxiety that causes us. And what I want to know about this post is just that. What are the thoughts that torment you because of this anxiety? Write them in the comments and we'll help each other by talking about them. For example, I used to think all the time that I was getting schizophrenic, that there would be some outbreak, over time this evolved into existential crises where I thought my soul was lost in space time and I was not living reality, just watching it (depersonalization and derealization helped in this).