I’ve been trawling through this forum and seems like you guys are really helpful – not sure who’s active anymore but anyway I have some questions. Sorry it's long, if you’re feeling helpful but not up to reading then skip to the end :-)
I’m 20 and developed HPPD from LSD maybe 13/14 months ago. Light tracers, afterimages, visual snow, seeing colours etc. It caused me a bit of anxiety towards the beginning but it must have been very mild because it hardly bothered me at all. I could’ve very easily lived with it. I did MDMA multiple times in the following year, and some coke and keta, none made any difference to my HPPD, so I just linked it to LSD (wasn’t sure what it was really).
Just over a month ago I had mushrooms for the first (and LAST) time. Trip was extremely intense, I passed out and then it was like I’d woken up in another galaxy, but not a terrible experience like some you hear. About a week later I woke up with insane visuals, everything moving around, colours vibrant, people’s faces looked pink and yellow. I was vomiting and could hardly stand up. I felt like my life had ended, like I was no longer myself at all. I was seeing through a fish eye lens, my voice wasn’t my own, everything was moving around me like on a boat (I also have sea sickness so that didn’t help haha), brain fog, paranoia, crippling anxiety, muscle spasms and pain.
Im lucky enough to have a psych ive been seeing for the last 5 years so had that support. I found out a lot of the non-visual symptoms were anxiety-related (brain fog, muscle spasms, paranoia, and some worsening of visuals). I actually still feel as sharp as ever, just distracted by my visuals a lot of the time. My anxiety hasn’t been as bad, I’ve dealt with anxiety and depression before so that part I can handle.
It’s the fucking DP/DR that gets me, have never experienced it before and its hell. It got so bad I thought I was in a virtual reality simulator and my memories were all fake. And the visuals are definitely the cause – how could I not feel like things are fake if everything looks fake? I’ve been very up and down in managing it since then but still functioning, seeing friends, doing uni work, trying to get out and do things, exercise, I already ate pretty healthy.
Symptoms now: everything permanently looks like a mild acid/mushroom trip, covered in very heavy static, nothing looks solid, colours very vibrant and stuff moves in my peripheral vision, and sort of wobbles in and out of shape when I look at it (with all the afterimages, light trails etc. but I was already sort of okay with that stuff and can deal with it), and DP/DR. I am feeling depressed but that I can deal with.
So my questions are: do your visuals (the static in particular) ever fade away or will I just have to get used to them?
Or as it’s been just over a month since it got really bad, is it worth having Klonopin, Sinemet or Keppra now or should I wait?
I was thinking sinemet could be worth a try, even though it hasn’t done much to a lot of people, it seems to have the least side effects and I want my DP/DR to go away.
Or should I just get some Klonopin for the days when it gets really bad?
Very luckily my dad’s a doctor and completely believes me and is willing to prescribe me anything I think will help. (I live in Australia and have heard it’s hard to get it recognised at all here)
Sorry for the long ramble and thank you so much to whoever replies <3
Wow! I have only recently discovered that continuous flashbacks have a label! I have had HPPD since I was 12 years old. Now I am 60. I spent the school year dropping LSD, Psycibin, Mescaline, and Marijuana. One time I simply never came down. It intensified soon soon after. I knew of no one else who had this like I did! I was simply terrified! I only told my brother, not my parents. My biggest fear was that I would get uncontrollably higher. I had every symptom but the very worst was the feeling of not being fully present. The experience was like just arriving in my own body but realizing I had already been doing whatever it was, but not with full presence. Maybe this is "de-personalization"? I would explain it to various Doctors and Opthalmologists through the years and all I got was "hmm....."! So, I finally just learned to cope. Then about a year ago I found the name HPPD. The casebook description of symptoms were as if they had read my secret diary! I know that I was never diagnosed or believed, but I know what drugs I used and when the HPPD started. Now it has been 48 years! Definitely some of the symtoms are not as vivid as in the beginning, however, if I get tired or in a conglomerated atmosphere there they are. I also think after so many years these just become part of your normal perception. For me, HPPD did not go away.
How did I cope until now? I definitely quit any drug use immediately. I gravitated toward a simple Christian way of life, actually living with Old Order Amish at times, where I was not bombarded by electric stuff. I think those who have HPPD will seriously have to deal with sensory overload and seek out a peaceful existence on many levels.
Live your life anyway. I raised 7 children, grandchildren and life goes on, just looking through Kaliedoscope eyes!
Be healthy! Be smart and realize sometimes one stupid mistake done in youth can change your life forever! In my case, I just wanted to be cool in 1969! I really didn't realize the risks. How true it is that we reap what we so!
I want to cry...that I lived my whole life with this and never found anyone else with this or knew even that it was recognized!
The only report on flashbacks I ever heard of said that they think LSD creates new neural pathways in the brain.That was maybe 30 yrs ago!
Wow! I am truly impressed at my own survival!
Trails, pulsating breathing walls, tinnitus, time slowing down, colors, everything. Even dialated pupils. Sigh. How exhausting at times!
It has helped me just to keep in mind that my own perception has been tweeked.My chemistry was altered.
I would not wish this on anyone! But, if you have it, just live your life as peaceful as you can. Do everything you normally would do because your heightened perception maybe can be helpful in other unexpected ways.
Don't do anymore drugs.
Dont tell others who may not understand.
We've been tricked by the devil's potions!
God bless us all!
I came to talk to you about my symptoms a little bit. I'm Brazilian, so if I say something wrong, I apologize, but I'm still not fluent in English.
About 11 months ago I tried lsd with a friend, after an hour we used weed, and after that I had a very bad trip. Only today I was able to find this forum, because until then I did not even know what I really have. After using lsd, I have never used lsd or weed again. Since then, I have a lot of anxiety, sometimes I feel very depressed, and I really feel some visual effects, such as sensitivity to light, things seem to vibrate a little, and it seems that sometimes I see traces in moving things.
What makes me bad is that I can never stop thinking about it all, I try to fight against my own mind not to think about it, but it's very difficult, when I realize it, I'm thinking about it. From what I understand I have hppd, but is it normal for me to think about it constantly? Sometimes I think I'm going to go crazy.
This site was very inspiring to me, until then I was very afraid of what happened to me, and not knowing that there are so many other people with the same problem. So, THANK YOU for making me a little calmer. I will accompany you always now, hoping that I will improve. Thank you.
Hey all. I'm 18 and pretty confident I have some form of HPPD, or at least something's definitely changed in the past few months, and this is the first support board I've consulted. This is going to be really long because I want to be as specific as possible and see if anyone can relate in any ways. If you only care for what I consider the more important part of the reason why I'm typing this, read the last 2 paragraphs. First, I'll start with some background:
About 4 months ago, my friend hit me up about tripping at a different friend's house. At first, I thought we were doing some shrooms, but when I arrived he only had a couple tabs of acid, and I was down to try as it was the summertime before I was going to go to college, and I believed myself ready for such an experience. I took one tab, 100mics, and was fully confident. Eventually though, we had to move locations, and my friend decided to go to a beach near my house. As I was on the come up, he thought it a good idea to invite all my sober friends over and hang out. I was good up until this point, but we then moved location to my house, and this is when I really started bugging. So as we were about to go in my house, my sober friends decided to talk to me about "how stupid it was" to have taken acid and that they "never would have done that". This combined with the setting of my house with my parents and siblings inside made for a very paranoid portion of the trip. Luckily, I wasn't really tripping so much as feeling pretty high at this stage, so I insisted to my friend that we leave immediately. I began pleading to my friend that was also tripping, saying maybe it was a mistake that I took it, and that maybe I would be changed forever, but he brought me somewhat back into control, but it was mostly of my own efforts. As soon as we left my house, the experience completely changed. At this point, I was really tripping hard and the car ride felt super good, with the wind blowing and all of my senses being melded together, I just felt really really good. As the night progressed, we had arrived at a nature conservatory, and just settled down. I won't go into specifics, but I really enjoyed this portion and had a super positive and intelligent time. I then headed back with the same friend who had tripped, and began to see those weird effects on objects when you're driving, where it becomes like shutter frames or something. The roads around me are also super swervy, and I felt pretty cool as I drifted back and forth (This is important for later on). As we arrived back, I slept it off and felt pretty dead the next day, but felt nonetheless completely normal. TL;DR, We tripped at my house for a little, where I was bugging out, but as soon as we left I had a really positive and mind-blowing experience with acid.
Post all this, I was a big fan of acid, and even vouched for it to multiple friends and believed it to be supremely enjoyable. I was even considering doing it with one of my close friends who had done it in the past, and never really looked back on the experience the whole rest of the summer. I drank, smoked, and enjoyed the rest of my days pretty much just partying. I had some slight paranoia about flashbacks and such, because of course I had realized they existed, but such a low percentage of people had it that I was sure I wouldn't and one friend I knew had taken 1000 mics and convinced me that they didn't exist. I wouldn't be the guy who got it. No way.
Fast forward to about 2 months ago, and it was three days before I was set to leave. I was having one more huge smoke sesh with my friend before I left, and didn't have acid on my mind for a second. It was like any other stoned night, and as I was driving my friend back to my house, I distinctly remember feeling a sudden onset of that swervy road feeling again, and it brought me back to the trip where I began seeing the same exact visuals that I saw the night that I was tripping on the way back to my house, like the shutter frame thing. I got pretty paranoid, but my friend convinced me to go get pizza in town with him and settle down, and I instantly felt way better. I ended the night on a high note, and the trip ended as soon as I stepped out of the car. Then I proceeded to pass out at my house. I decided that as long as I didn't drive at night baked, I would be fine.
The next day, I woke up feeling fine and decided to smoke with one of the same friends. With the knowledge I had assumed, that all I needed to do was not drive high at night, I gave high driving another go but this time during the day. Boy, was I wrong. I got far far more trippy visuals than the day before, like my whole line of sight being tilted side to side every time I looked up at the road, along with the same visual effect as the other day. I was incredibly paranoid, and wondered if this would happen every time I smoked. I told my friend that I needed to drop him off (what a shitty way to end our last sesh ever) and proceeded to drive back in this same trippy state. When I got back home, the trip didn't end like when I got out of the car the night before, and I really started to freak out and immediately decided to sleep it off. I don't really remember how I felt the rest of the day, but I know I wasn't tripping anymore after I slept, just slightly foggy like after you smoke.
The day after this, I noticed something was up. I felt pretty detached, and became super anxious, especially as it was the day before I was leaving for college. It felt like I was just permanently slightly buzzed. I also noticed that when I drove, my vision would ever so slightly lean one way then snap back into place, which obviously didn't help.
As I got to college, my vision was still the same, cloudy and like my entire perception is different. When I arrived (Been about a month and a half now) I continued to drink, and felt pretty fine and continue to feel mostly fine. I then decided to try adderall (I'm prescribed) and felt fine the first two times, but the third had my first onset of what I believe to be true DP;DR, or at least one of them the day after. It was probably the single-handed worst day of my life. I felt as though I couldn't communicate with anyone, and that I was barely there, almost like I was just a set of senses looking at people through a weird fuzzy glass. I couldn't feel emotions like I used to, so much so that I visited the university doctor and got pretty much nothing besides a possible prescription for benzos, which I refused. For those of you who deal with this on an everyday basis, I cannot imagine the pain and suffering you go through. I continued to have these days every so often on a lesser scale, but on these days as soon as I began interacting with people and getting into routine I was brought back into myself, but never fully.
This brings me to now, as I sit here typing this instead of my 10 page essay because it's so hard to do fucking anything now. I used to be very social, with a significant amount of control over my emotions and my mental state. It's super difficult and strange to describe how I feel on a day-to-day basis in terms of my mental state, as most days I feel and function fine, but it's almost as if I don't truly enjoy, hate, love, or feel anymore. I'll laugh at things I find funny, but it's like the part of me that laughs is in a completely separated part of my head than how I feel. Even when I was crying to the doctor involuntarily about my mother, I felt this sort of utter nothingness in my head, yet an overwhelming sorrow and melancholy at the same time. I don't want to say this is psychosis, because I felt far worse the day I had a bout of DP;DR, but it still feels like so inferior to my past way of living. The visual stuff is worse and better on some days, but a symptom I haven't yet read of anyone else getting is that when I shake my head, my perception almost needs to catch up, which creates this disorienting illusion of the objects moving side to side. The same applies to when I move my head forward and back and look at an object, it almost becomes magnified for a quick second when I pull my head away because the closeness of the object is still there for a quick second. The tilting of my peripheral is sometimes still there, though I can make it worse by tilting my head. When I run, with every step my vision gets jolted slightly, and one of the most noticeable weird things is that when I make myself dizzy, and then stare at an object, rather than getting that typical woozy dizzy feeling I used to get, my vision tilts and snaps back very quickly (Every .5s) at a lesser and lesser scale until eventually it settles back into place. I also get halos (rainbow with white lights), streaks when I blink, and light sensitivity. It doesn't help that I'm posed to go into business, and noticed that with stress and lack of sleep my symptoms get way worse. All of this is also worse at night. In such an important time in my life, acid really screwed me over. Thanks to whoever takes the time to read all this.
My name is Christiaan, I'm 18 years old. Over this past summer I smoked copious ammounts of cannabis and consumed LSD thrice, with a space of three weeks between the first and second expereinces and one week between the second and third. On the first two occasions I consumed half of a 155ug tab and smoked a small ammount of cannabis alongside (around one bowl). during the final experience I tripped in haste in my home, and dabbed pretty heavily alongside. I had an amazing experience on 3/4 of a tab, and on the comedown of this trip I accidentally ate another 3/4 tab, intending to redose only 1/4. I panicked and went to my sister, who became upset and started to frighten me as I began to trip harder, and so I just went into my room and panicked quietly. Eventually, maybe two hours later I took 15mg Remeron, an SNRI I'm perscribed for GAD/Depression, which put me to sleep for a few hours. When I woke up I was no longer tripping. Needless to say, since this past experience I have ceased all cannabis/hallucenogen consumption.
I have been seeing slight hallucenations. Surfaces sometimes breathe, subjects in paintings seem to float and move around, and when reading lettering, especially on a screen, the words and lines can really seem to warp and slide around a bit. I also have noticed strong starbursting affects on lights especially at night, but I'm fairly sure I experienced that before. I am terrified of this developing into something less easy to ignore, especially since I took an SNRI while I had a good bit of acid in my system. As time goes on I become less and less hopeful that this is simply my anxiety or heightened awareness of normal phenomena.
Thank you so much if you managed to read all this.