DeLucid2018 Posted March 15, 2018 Report Share Posted March 15, 2018 Man I'm to fucking old now to argue and to reset to wana be groundbreaking but check this shit out... I over the last few years have become very symptomatic of psychosis, schizophrenia, hallucinations the hole anti-backwards to hppd. And not even trying to describe wtf hppd is to psychiatrists, they always just hear drug addiction and its like.. why fucking bother... most prolly never even play with hallucinogens and act out on it the same way they due observing psychotic illness. with observational hysteria trying to understand something they just fucking blend into a diagnosis... my point... I'm playin with diagnosis of bipolar(childhood-now friend very bipolar, I do not fucking experience mania nor am I that depressed, amphetamine is my only experience in self induced mania, clearly fucking misdiagnosis.. hospitals throw me in the schizophrenic category... I will describe that shit in a minute... its a trip .. but I'm thinkin HPPD can lead to A highfunctioning form of psychosis, as symptoms are fuck it let me describe some shit. 100%sober experience... Voices in my head have become nearly daily and never experienced them even on hardcore psychedelics... aside from some wobble warping sounds and auditory enhancement, auditory hallucinations were always something of a god damn dream to me, but this got crazy as I can get... reason being very normal like intercoms around my house(hallucinated mind you) very weird, imagine this..a good homie you've knowen for years and one the piss's you off always fucking commenting on whatever the fuck you do.. rare symptom free days - mixed with episodic nightmares that can only be described as a lucid dream, awake.. I mean this is just a week experience.. detailed actually talented rhyme work with Christmas type parade outside my window talking shit that I could never come up with on my own(major oddity with this ) that lead to another situation, a gameshow..kinda... with their nowadays hallmark of teaseing me into embarrassing myself by talking outloud when I'm unable to throw away another conclusion,,, lead to something very trippy lol, all the voices in my head became self aware they were hallucinations and grew fucking aQuantum type dimension twightlight zopne shit Trapped on this piece of land I live on these days north of seattle... itd be a book to even try and detail it out , but this became so real that at one point. details aside .. I was completely convinced that (and follow I did) to wake people up etc very confident and proud that this was all figured out and man if you all use to think the nonstop highamount obsessive psychedelic of my past I use to write about was a bit fucking weird, experiencing datura type episodes sober is a fucking trip.. id write more about my hallucinations but I'm not much about that shit anymore, my point being ... Ask Questions, Relate if possible... I know one thing for sure, I'm way to high functioning to be a classic schizophrenic, my psyschosis hallucinations are even crazier then some shit like Criteria classic schizophrenia.. I'm not at all bipolar, I wana smack the hole field of psychiatry now that I'm in it.. my unique mind Has a lot to do with the trippy spects of these hallucinations, but am def trying to Blend HPPD in psychosis Terms.. or atleast anyway trying to develop information for this weird shit... I intend to go more into this as ive become a bit convinced HPPD+Psychosis+Anxiety seems to be a possibility.. the anxiety for sure, but Bottom line.. Anyone Experience 100% sober Hallucinations, and really trying to hear from the 10+year HPPD people if they've experienced Hallucinations that really are characteristic of Perceptions more then "The gov is out to get me" I don't use the internet much anymore so I'm sure that was hard to grasp.. its a question not a trip report.. ill formulate and add on to this here and there... BTW Been Pretty Much Done with Psychedelics(playedout nothing new in um) for years.. Been off Tweak pretty much a year cept for here and there... alc got toxic, drinking for the first time in 6 months or so.. in other words, all the motherfuckers that use to throw the antidrug flag at me, I barley even smoke pot anymore lol... I'm just hardwired in solitary confinement pretty much in the middle of fucking nowhere, and once again.... Root of all my bs is HPPD... I take back some of my previous views... no one should fucking eat psychedelic hallucinogens unless they are like me heh... its fucking too much and the way shit is HPPD is DSm'd but never will be studied beyond Abrahms fucking Teen Sobriety , Weak Brain imagining.. I have to really feel psychedelics were very needed for me to not be all caught up in the I fucked myself up trip.. id never intentionally recommend them even if I personally, look back in awe and glad to of acquired these memories.... but even tho Ill still say continued abuse never made me worse after the shit was full blown, I cant even began to describe my views and thoughts on Degenerative HPPD probability... Def Perm... for those who truly have it.. Def Not really ever gonna be truly reconized, so misdiagnosis of simple criteria that can sound like it.. Basicly HPPD is one lifelong Mindfuck I'm thinking can be made worse when you dwell and obsesss over it... one things for sure, The LSD Memory of WTF is going on here??? Mindfuck pretty much all are familiar with, is deeprooted to the point it can grow.. benzos might help a lot , but id say the memory fog and dependence may even make it worse... ALL IN ALL Its all in your head, and once that dam fucking breaks open... you can really fuck yourself up playing with your perceptions... even make leaps in creativity etc.. its all too much in the end tho.. to much information.. brains clogs up.. I feel is what breaks most hppd people into a catatonic state.. not to worry anyone, this psychosis may def be just me.... but .... really curios to see how much permafried people can relate to constant perception imbalance and spending a few years pretty much alone, can really bring out the disorder .. damage? I don't think so more like fucking sensory overload.. 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Fawkinchit Posted March 15, 2018 Report Share Posted March 15, 2018 Im not familiar with HPPD causing the types of disturbances you're experiencing. I do believe you most likely do have HPPD to some degree. There could however be other brain abnormalities at role here. Its not out of the question, granted, its not definitive either. To be completely honest some of your symptoms do seem to be schizophrenia related, like the auditory hallucinations/hearing voice/etc. I know as far as HPPD goes the anxiety is extremely overwhelming, real, and detrimental. One of the biggest problems with physician I believe is not only their lack of information on the topic, but also even if they were to be familiar with it, theres little to nothing they can do but prescribe benzos. Anyways Im not sure what your questions are?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DeLucid2018 Posted March 16, 2018 Author Report Share Posted March 16, 2018 ur obviously unfamiliar with who I ajm ;).. me and dk started this site we been doin this since stormloader in the 90's! but ..ya cheers no real questions but a example of thought... DP/Dr into delirium, if ya don't understand then shit.. what can I say Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fawkinchit Posted March 16, 2018 Report Share Posted March 16, 2018 (edited) No Im not familiar lol. I wasn't aware that this forum has been here since the 90's. Edited March 16, 2018 by dasitmane Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DeLucid2018 Posted March 16, 2018 Author Report Share Posted March 16, 2018 hppdonline, was 2003 I think,,, DK gets credit where credit is due, we don't get along much anymore but it was the jumnp from stormloader/hppd to hppdonline(DK's work) my name and who I was at the time, somewhat of a posterboyfor hppd that got hppdonline off the ground.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DeLucid2018 Posted March 16, 2018 Author Report Share Posted March 16, 2018 speakin of, wtf happened to meth lab? he was the original head of HPPD.... someone I sgtill value as a fucking if not the most, pioneer of this group... last I saw of him he was bingeing and I was trying to keep the peace and he just lost it... I miss that dude man, prolly one of the most memorable people ive ever come acrossed. hope hes well.. you all owe a lot to that dude and pogb, who I cant remember why he disappeared.... think it was pre-hppdonline Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DeLucid2018 Posted March 16, 2018 Author Report Share Posted March 16, 2018 I have prolly only posted a few times in half a decade, I was a teenager in the 90's and just don't have the drive to debate anymore... makes me weak. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DeLucid2018 Posted March 16, 2018 Author Report Share Posted March 16, 2018 http://www.stormloader.com/hppd/ dosent even exist anymore, odd was there a year or 3? back... remember showin it to my old girl. sux Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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