Johndoe98

Getting better...

5 posts in this topic

STORY

Hi, first I would like to say I have had hppd for 5 or so years now. It started when I was 15 years old. I was at a friend's house, did some dmt and acid (I know pretty heavy for a 15 year old) and well being that it was the most intense trip I have ever experienced, I literally thought I felt my brain trying. The next day I woke up, with terrible visuals. And it followed the same pattern day after day. I couldn't read much as the focusing in caused visuals to get worse. I couldn't leave my house because the anxiety would send me into panic attacks, after all I was very young. I told my mom everything. We went to neuro, psych, eye doctor, vestibular therapist and an ent... I ended up being home schooled. Depersonalization/derealinization was a constant struggle, and the lack of seeing people (home schooled I never left the house) started to make me go crazy. It wasn't until I found out I had hppd where I was finally able to start to recover... but it wasn't easy.

RECOVERY 

First, I thought of it in 2 days. 1) You have ruined your life, you have forever burnt away your perception and you will never be the same again, and there's always that last solution to end it all.. or 2) this is life now, focus on getting healthy focus on being closer to the people around me and accepting what I have and using it. It wasn't easy but every day I tried to incorporate myself into going out more. If I would start tripping alot, being in dark I would say to myself this is how it is, hppd CAN NOT HURT ME. I started going to the gym and walking, jog, to being able to run. I focused on powerlifting and even did a competition. I went back to school and became overly interested in the brain and am now in med school pursuing a neuropsych degree. It is so important to be able to accept what you have because the brutal truth is it will not go away, get better yes, but go away no, and once you except this, you can let go of the anxiety and all the sub problems that come with it. 

END

I just want to show you that life with hppd is not the end. It's 5 years later and even sitting here writing this I have halo, static vision, trails, an overall feeling of not being myself but I have 0 anxiety. I feel better than I ever have and when times are hard, I get stressed out and the visuals increase, I think of what I've come from and take in everything that's going on around me and let it go.

 

PS: USE OF ANY HALLUCINOGENIC DRUGS INCLUDING MARIJUANA WILL MAKE HPPD WORSE and feel free to private message me for info, as I have done extensive research on medications, treatments, and sub disorder 

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Hi a few months ago I tried shrooms with my friends, it then let to acid. I was on both. The next day I woke up with comeplete visual snow and traces. I feel odd somedays, super depressed and sometimes suicidal. After the trip I stopped everything besides nicotine. I think about smoking weed sometimes to help with the anxiety. Will it make the visuals worse? Thanks, it’s nice to know there’s people out there with the same problem as me. When it first started I was very confused and scared. Also is there anything I can do in specific to make it better? 

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I was finally and getting used to it, but than I had an anxiety attack, and 2 days later I started feeling like water was leaking down my leg, one of the most irritating symptoms of the trip that onset my hppd. I'm almost positive this is my anxiety playing tricks with my mind, but do you have any tips of overcoming the discomfort so it can hopefully go away?

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On 2/23/2018 at 3:12 AM, jason flanders said:

Hi a few months ago I tried shrooms with my friends, it then let to acid. I was on both. The next day I woke up with comeplete visual snow and traces. I feel odd somedays, super depressed and sometimes suicidal. After the trip I stopped everything besides nicotine. I think about smoking weed sometimes to help with the anxiety. Will it make the visuals worse? Thanks, it’s nice to know there’s people out there with the same problem as me. When it first started I was very confused and scared. Also is there anything I can do in specific to make it better? 

Hey bud, In my experience as it is different with many people, smoking weed made it a he'll of a lot worse, increased visuals and depersonalization thus increasing anxiety by alot. I would say to make it better would be to start excersizeing. Go for hikes or walks, ride bikes anything to make you more healthy, have your body release good endorphins. I did read a study that showed lower sugar helps, I'll see if I can drop a link for you. But the most important thing is to try to ignore it. (Easier said than done) I've been in the same shoes. Depression, suicidal thoughts and the whole 9 yards but once you accept that you have hppd you say okay.. I have hppd BUT on the outside there is nothing wrong with me, my physical health is good, it's not life threatening so learn to ignore it, and that takes time. I found going out even to stores and walking around, getting a job all things to distract yourself and sooner than later it WILL NOT BOTHER YOU. I hope it gets better. Try that for a month and see how you do.

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On 2/23/2018 at 10:12 AM, Apasod said:

I was finally and getting used to it, but than I had an anxiety attack, and 2 days later I started feeling like water was leaking down my leg, one of the most irritating symptoms of the trip that onset my hppd. I'm almost positive this is my anxiety playing tricks with my mind, but do you have any tips of overcoming the discomfort so it can hopefully go away?

Kinda like how I replied to Jason, I think anxiety is the worst part because with no anxiety hppd decreases. Anytime you stress your self put hppd will multiply, visual symptoms as well as if you have the dreadful secondary depersonalization/derealinization. When you feel the water go down your leg, remember that your sober. Than remember that yes you may feel these sensations right now but they will fade away and co me back and fade away, and one day it will bearly be noticeable. You'll have to stay calm and if it's talking to mom, calling grandma or playing video games, watching a funny cartoon anything you can to take your mind off it and make yourself HAPPY (without any drugs even weed) will make you recover faster. Try spending time outside, in the light stay away from the dark as much as you can as it seems to be a blank canvas to trip on and start enjoying your life. Hppd does not have to take over brother, you'll be happy and okay one day and look back and see that hppd may have done the opposite, it could have cleaned you up and changed you for the better, if you start excersizeing, eating good, not using any drugs, and bettering yourself than a year down the road you're recovered.... it's not always a terrible thing. Good luck k with your recovery feel free to message me anytime

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