At first with HPPD, all I noticed was some slight balance/vertigo issues, but it's been evolving little by little. I had some bouts of DP/DR which I've overcome mostly, as in the world still looks slightly off but I feel mentally here, and I've noticed slight visual snow and entopic phenomena on pretty much every bright surface. These are things I can cope with. However, something that hasn't shown itself till yesterday and one I legitimately cannot take is CEV's. When I close my eyes and it's dark enough, I see full on scenes play out in my eyes. I was sitting in the library, trying to get some rest, and put my head into my arm and all of a sudden began seeing something like a DJ spinning a record, which then changed to some sort of politician speaking, and so on and so forth. I've noticed a recurring theme in most of these is that a good amount are sexual in nature, as well as some other stuff like screaming faces. In describing these "videos", it's almost like at first it's just normal blackness, and all of a sudden the blackness has depth to it, then shading, and then full on visuals. Occasionally, there will be some small red flashes that are pretty short-lived. They sometimes have color, but even the ones that do aren't super intense colors, just slight hues. They also play like shutter film, almost like stop animation, and this applies to every one. This shit makes my other symptoms pale in comparison, as now I don't even have a refuge from HPPD by closing my eyes. It's like I'm fully trapped, and can't even get to sleep normally. I've noticed that they also don't show when I have some light going into my eyes, but the thing is my whole life I've slept in full darkness. Today and yesterday I had this happen, and both days I didn't get much sleep at all, which may have something to do with it. Anyone, please, help me with this crap.
hello there, HPPD online members !
i have been smoking marijuana, for about 2 months now, occasionally, and never had any problem before, but after the last time i smoked weed, which was about 4 weeks ago, i have been experiencing some strange symptoms, which has really started to scare the hell out of me, and giving me terrible anxiety.
the symptoms include :
1) increased sensitivity to light, it feels like the world around me is brighter than usual, and colours are more saturated. (especially red), every kind of artificial light is bright to me, my eyes hurt when i look at lights and sometimes i get headaches also.
2) i see after images of objects when i look at them, (mostly lights) and computer screens. lights seem to have a glow to them.
3) when i close my eyes, i see grainy & noisy vision. i also see it when i'm somewhere dark.
4) at night, i have starbursts from car headlights and street lights, (mostly lights which are bulbs). this is really bothering me much.
5) if i stare at wavy patterns for a long time (10-15 seconds) they seem to move.
6) it feels like i am able to see things very deeply and clearly, which i was not able to see before. patterns seem to be more visible and pronounced in things i look at.
7)i have a changed perception, where objects seem to be either larger or smaller and they were before. kind of like in 3D.
8)i feel incredibly lazy and always want to sleep. and i find it difficult to remember things from a few days back.
9)i have become kind of a loner, and i dont want to socialize much with people, and the world somewhat feels different to me.
these are the symptoms i can currently remember,
ive been to eye doctors, and neurologists, and they say that nothing is wrong with me, although they gave me a couple of eye drops, and clonazepam. they say that because i smoked weed, it has changed the way my brain works, and its going to take time to feel normal again.
so i want to know, if im suffering from HPPD, Depersonalization/Derealization or just anxiety ?
i would like to state that i have never done LSD, shrooms , cocaine , MDMA, Tobacco etc. (only alcohol and marijuana).
any kind of help is greatly appriciated,
I need help. Sorry for making this so long but I want to include all the details because I don’t know which ones are actually relevant. I really appreciate any help that anyone can provide. I am an 18 year old senior in high-school. I am a smart kid (I scored a 2020 on my SATs) mental issues are really scary to me. I drink occasionally and have smoked marijuana a few times but not very often. Until now I’ve had great balance in my life. I think about philosophy a lot more than most people my age and decided that I thought something could be learned from taking psychedelic drugs. I considered salvia and psilocybin mushrooms because of the low risk that I was told they presented. A friend of mine who had done shrooms many times convinced me that that is what I should try.
Six weeks ago we went over to his house and took some at about 5 p.m. I took about an 8th and he took a little less. This was foolish because we knew that his parents would be home soon, even though they usually leave him alone in the basement. At first I just got some minor visuals and thought everything was hilarious, and then I noticed that I couldn’t close my eyes without seeing random objects pop-up, and then I started talking to myself. I heard many voices in my head but was still enjoying the trip. From this point on my eyes were closed for almost the entire night.
Soon I kept hearing the same voices telling me the same thing over and over again. I can’t remember what they were saying but I know it seemed to make sense at the time. I would try to argue with them by pointing out a flaw in their grand idea but they always managed to prove my argument false. After arguing with them for what seemed like weeks I began to get very anxious. I started to wonder if I would ever get back to normal. I thought I might be able to physically escape from the trip so I started rolling around on the floor wildly; apparently I knocked over a drum set causing my friend’s parents to come downstairs. Although I wasn’t aware of it at the time my friend explained what was happening to his parents who tried to hold me down and keep me from hitting my head. I just remember being terrified that I would never return to normal. Eventually I came to and after apologizing to his parents many times went to sleep. I left feeling perfectly fine in the morning.
After three weeks of no side effects I awoke at 1 a.m. after a horrible dream. Nightmares never bother me but this one was different. I dreamt I was at a different school. What was really odd about the dream was that I had so many memories from the school, for instance I remember thinking how long it had been since I had been in the gym because I hadn’t taken PE since freshman year. Anyways In the dream I became aware that I was slowly started to lose my mind. Eventually the setting changed completely and I was in a field in medieval times. I thought that I had gone completely insane and that this field was a complete separation from reality (however because I was dreaming I still thought that the dream school was reality). I asked a soldier in the field if I was in the real world and he assured me that I was and I believed him (looking back on it I think this was the creepiest part of the dream). Anyways all of the sudden an army of soldiers fired their arrows at a bunch of birds killing them all. Then I awoke. When I awoke couldn’t close my eyes without seeing strange visuals like I was tripping. I couldn’t get back to sleep the rest of that night.
The next few days I had constant horrible anxiety and some feelings of surrealism/depersonalization. The anxiety was so bad that I would literally be shaking throughout the day. After a few days of this anxiety I told my parents so that I could see a doctor. The doctor said that it would go away in a week and he was right but then one night when I was trying to fall asleep I got some more closed eye visuals and would find myself thinking about things that made no sense such as: the great NFL coach named “Zoid”, or I would be explaining to myself how I got in trouble at wal-mart even though no such incident took place. This has been going on for about two weeks now, sometimes the thoughts become full “dreams” with auditory and visual sensations even though I am definitely still awake. Last night as I was falling asleep I suddenly was in a hotel with a bunch of Asians pointing guns at me, it lasted just for a second but it leaves me very confused and afraid. I just found out that one of my uncles was schizophrenic so that raised my anxiety quite a bit, but I don’t hallucinate in the daytime. I have some very minor HPPD visuals (static/bright spots) but they aren’t very bad as long as I don’t think about them. I thought I was just having Hypnagogic hallucinations but mine seem to involve more senses and be more severe than most cases of hypnogia (to my understanding hypnoggia usually involves seeing strange objects in your room rather than being in another room altogether, although mine are closed eye so I don’t really know which is worse). I’m seeing a therapist but he doesn’t know what’s going on. I’m thinking about having a sleep study done.
Am I schizophrenic? Is my REM cycle just really fucked up? Will it get better? What can I do? I don’t mind giving up drugs, but can I still drink?
Sorry about the length. Thanks to anyone who read the whole thing.