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Hallucinogen Persisting Perception Disorder (HPPD) Support Forum
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Kaleidoscope

Finally a name for continued Flashbacks!

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Hello Everyone! 

Wow! I have only recently discovered that continuous flashbacks have a label! I have had HPPD since I was 12 years old. Now I am 60. I spent the school year dropping LSD, Psycibin, Mescaline, and Marijuana. One time I simply never came down. It intensified soon soon after. I knew of no one else who had this like I did! I was simply terrified! I only told my brother, not my parents. My biggest fear was that I would get uncontrollably higher. I had every symptom but the very worst was the feeling of not being fully present. The experience was like just arriving in my own body but realizing I had already been doing whatever it was, but not with full presence. Maybe this is "de-personalization"? I would explain it to various Doctors and Opthalmologists through the years and all I got was "hmm....."! So, I finally just learned to cope. Then about a year ago I found the name HPPD. The casebook description of symptoms were as if they had read my secret diary! I know that I was never diagnosed  or believed, but I know  what drugs I used and when the HPPD started. Now it has been 48 years!  Definitely some of the symtoms are not as vivid as in the beginning, however, if I get tired or in a conglomerated atmosphere there they are. I also think after so many years these just become part of your normal perception. For me, HPPD did not go away.

How did I cope until now? I definitely quit any drug use immediately. I gravitated toward a simple Christian way of life, actually living with Old Order Amish at times, where I was not bombarded by electric stuff. I think those who have HPPD will seriously have to deal with sensory overload and seek out a peaceful existence on many levels.

Live your life anyway. I raised 7 children, grandchildren and life goes on, just looking through Kaliedoscope eyes!

Be healthy! Be smart and realize sometimes one stupid mistake done in youth can change your life forever! In my case, I just wanted to be cool in 1969! I really didn't realize the risks. How true it is that we reap what we so!

I want to cry...that I lived my whole life with this and never found anyone else with this or knew even that it was recognized!

The only report on flashbacks I ever heard of said that they think LSD creates new neural pathways in the brain.That was maybe 30 yrs ago!

Wow! I am truly impressed  at my own  survival! 

Trails, pulsating breathing walls, tinnitus, time slowing down, colors, everything. Even dialated pupils. Sigh. How exhausting at times! 

It has helped me just to keep in mind that my own perception has been tweeked.My chemistry was altered.

I would not wish this on anyone! But, if you have it, just live your life as peaceful as you can. Do everything you normally would do because your heightened perception maybe can be helpful in other unexpected ways.

Don't do anymore drugs.

Dont tell others who may not understand.

We've been tricked by the devil's potions! 

God bless us all!

 

 

 

Edited by Kaleidoscope
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I felt the same way when I found this site.  I had no idea the disorder I had lived with for over 40 years had a name.  I felt like I was the only being on this planet that had my brain rewired by psychedelics.  I'd had this malady all of my adult life ( I'm 58 now).  I dosed very heavily from 1973 to 1980 when I quit using.  I've had visuals my entire adult life.  I managed to raise a family, get an advanced degree, and have a profession.  I think us old folks have a message that hppd isn't the end.  Life continues and it can be a wonderful life.  Welcome!

Edited by MadDoc
Foolish typing
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