A few nights ago i decided to take mdma idiotically because my symptoms were so much better after 4 months of abstaining from drugs, well during the trip and afterwards i can say i believe i know whats it like to have the full 9 yards of hppd. During the trip it was horrifying, faces everywhere on my floor on my dogs fur on my wall, my feet were itchy i could feel the anxiety and paranoia but i think the mdma helped me manage to stay happy. The next day i learned of all the severity of symptoms that other people have that i dont, my ghosting was not just only above like it usually is, but it was below and side by side, 4x as worse as what it usually was. When people talk about starbursting, i used to think that was normal, but no i saw what it really was like, and i saw afterimages of literally everything. My visual snow was creating flying cars or weird hallucinations that i couldnt completely make out, my anxiety had been almost the same as it was before. Thankfully 4 days later it seems as if im back to the baseline as to where it was before. Guys, mdma used to be my drug, i used to do it every day before work but now i cant stomach it. So my message to you is, if you have hppd, DRUGS ARE NOT WORTH IT.
19 year old male. Have had mild visual snow and other slight visual defects as long as can remember. Since approximately 15 have suffered with short, intense migraines around once every three months (I believe caused by sleep pattern inconsistencies) accompanied with classic visual auras (loss of vision spreading across one eye).
Around three months ago I tried mdma for the first time (I trust the source and purity) and have done it twice since. Noticed no significant change after first try (small dose). However, second time (very large dose, between 400 and half a g) I noticed difficulty reading, more visual snow, light flashes etc which peaked about four days after and, for the most part, subsided after three weeks. Third time, medium dose, hppd symptoms have returned, particularly visual snow and small amounts of light flashing. Three weeks on and I fear this may be more long term; however, it is currently not something that is an impediment to my day to day life. Naturally, I am fascinated by what substances have to offer, particularly mdma, but also psychedelics.
1. have others found that all doses of mdma worsen symptoms; or, can low doses that don't fully overload 5htp receptors be used without damage?
2. I feel that those who have visual auras and migraines are far more likely to develop hppd. Would others say that this is particularly true of mdma? Would I also be more at risk of negative effects from more classic psychedelics such as lsd or shrooms?
Obviously I am aware that taking any psychoactive substance is a risk and should not be advised however, I would value some objective input. Essentially, I am asking whether my experiences with hppd from mdma would mean my likelihood of hppd from other drugs is higher? Or are there ways to control dosages to reduce the risks (for example, trying half a tab of acid in isolation and observing symptoms over a couple of months).
I am prepared to abstain from serotonergic drugs, however, this would not be a comfortable decision. I am grateful to be in a position where I have the option of avoiding serious long-term damage; however, if anyone thinks there is any chance of me being able to manage usage conservatively I am interested to hear.
P.S I have used DMT twice with no observable hppd
More or less, I was wondering what everyone thought about taking MDMA after recovering from
HPPD. If anyone has any of their own experiences as well that would be fantastic.
I'll give some background information to my HPPD to help you decide whether you think I could take MDMA again, and just in case anyone is interested in my HPPD journey.
I'm pretty sure my HPPD is primarily, if not exclusively weed related. My symptoms have been visual (visual snow, moving lines, and by far my biggest symptom was violent shaking of my peripheral vision), anxiety (largely caused by the vision symptoms), and small amounts of DP/DR.
My HPPD began in March 2015 and in the year prior to this I smoked weed a few times a week and took LSD, MDMA and 2CB a few times as well. However from December 2014 - February 2015 whenever I got too high I would experience the violent shaking of my peripheral vision for the duration of my high. In February I stopped taking drugs, and then in March the visual shaking began happening while I was sober. I then experienced all of the symptoms permanently. Hence I believe weed caused my HPPD because my symptoms began while I was high on weed.
Since getting HPPD I stopped all drugs use completely besides alcohol (which has little if any effect on my HPPD). The first few weeks were hell, constant panic attacks about my shaky vision. Over the next 3 months, until June, my symptoms became manageable but still very uncomfortable.
Since July I have no longer experienced the shaking of my peripheral vision whatsoever. I would say that I have been cured since around the beginning of October or mid-October. My DP/DR is completely gone. My peripheral vision no longer shakes. My only lingering symptoms are visual snow (which is dying down, I no longer get this every day and when I do it's very minor) and small amounts of anxiety, which I probably had before HPPD anyway. Straight lines still wiggle a little bit, but my symptoms are now essentially unnoticeable unless I focus on them, so I consider myself cured. I imagine that my symptoms will have gone entirely within a few months from now.
So, bearing all this in mind, does anyone have any thoughts on taking MDMA on a rare basis from now on? I have no intention to smoke weed or take psychedelics in the foreseeable future, but I'm desperate to take 200mg of MDMA this weekend. I have never reacted negatively to MDMA in the last and not have I ever had any open eye hallucinations on MDMA.
I've been stalking this forum for a while now, haven't had the chance to sign up properly since issues validating my account but here I am. I'm 20 and I live on the eastern coast of Australia.
I've had what I think is HPPD pushing onto 7 months now. I got mine from 6-7 months of moderate ecstasy use, 3 first months were every four weeks. There was a month between during university holidays where I'd have 4-6 pills in a night (but would never take two at once); it was more of a keep me going where I'd often stay in the club until 8/9am. After that period I realised how dumb that was of me, and only stuck to 1-3 pills every fortnight/three weeks, which in hindsight was still incredibly dumb.
Anyways, I had my first major scare when I took an e and a capsule of mephedrone (bath salts, which I didn't know at the time//first time taking it), which I had bad hallucinations on for a bit. The next few weeks were horrible/anxiety-ridden, as I've always been against hallucinogens due to their potential of flashbacks - particularly cos it was bathsalts, I was worried of going psychotic. I had occasional random static on people's faces in the dark which gave me a fright but it slowly went away. I also had this weird static around plain objects, but slowly diminished in time/thought it was always there.
4 weeks later my anxiety improved a lot (after exams), and I went out again and took two halves of an ecstasy pill (MDA) throughout the night. Had a few anxious episodes but was all good.
A week later was when I realised I had this faint static on the plain walls, which is when my anxiety shot through the roof - I thought I had done permanent damage. It was only after countless searching up symptoms to when I realised I had just more than static:
- colourful static/flickering vision in dim light rooms, carpets, plain walls, occasionally around objects
- negative palinopsia which sometimes looks like halos depending on light conditions
- colours sometimes got more intense (which now has gone away)
- only trails in peripheral vison/when i blur my eyes... which is normal I think
- colourful spirals in centre of my vision in the dark which come and go
- the feeling of shadows/blotches moving around my room in dark (this is what scared me the most) - intensity varies, read its common from ecstasy abuse...
Anywho, reading up on all these symptoms (questioning myself if I got DP/DR, which I don't) got me severly depressed/chronically anxious so I saw many doctors and told my parents. After being on an SNRI for approximately 5 months now, safe to say I've never felt better. My visual disturbances (sometimes I think the SNRI made it worse) are still persistent but only inside or in the dark.
I stupidly have done half a bump of ket and GHB a few times, both of which I didn't find interesting/fun at all, without any increases of visual symptoms. I still drink 1-2 times a week without any issues, and play sport twice a week. My ability to focus on things in sport/static in the sky after intense exercise annoys me a little bit but what can you do. Sometimes I'm hopeful that these symptoms will go away, but it seems like 90% of the time they don't so I try not to worry about them.
So yeah, HPPDer through ecstasy use
Wishing the best of luck within all your recoveries (y)
I'll give you the cliffs of my story real quick:
Did MDMA once, combined with alcohol and it ruined my brain. For a little over 11 months I've suffered from, and continue to suffer from:
Anxiety (Recovered, at least it seems like it) Depression DP/DR HPPD Insomnia Dizzyness Headaches Mild bruxism, though horrible tension headaches Food intolerances Bad IBS An array of cognitive impairments Indescribable suffering ??? etc Now, my question is whether working in this condition could actually be detrimental to my recovery?
I had a long summer break, 7 weeks, during which I felt very good, and had many days where I was symptom free. And I had weeks and weeks where I was close to symptom free, living an absolutely fulfilling life. This carried on to the first month and a half working, I felt great. However, now I've been on a steady decline since the end of September, and I'm starting to get scared that work is actually annihilating me further. Work is now extremely hard, and I have to fight to get through it. I think I'm actually fighting harder now than I did during the first 3 months. The only reason I'm able to keep fighting is because I hope I will feel better again in a short while, but it does not seem to be happening. I'm scared that I'm now deteriorating myself permanently by working like this.
What should I do? I live in a country with very reasonable health care/disability options.