6 posts in this topic
It may just be me getting used to hppd but i find my all cevs to be fading, i find my visual snow to even be less when my eyes are closed as opposed to when theyre opened. Its like im getting a taste of what its like pre trip. Itll be 4 months in 5 days. Unfortunately it seems that when my eyes are opened the static is constant.
My name is Victoria.
For the last, about 2 years now, I have been experiencing persisting visual disturbances daily. These vision issues include staticy vision, trails, depth perception issues, light sensitivity, inability to focus. They used to calm down when I rested (I take almost daily naps because of this), but now it doesn't really seem to go away much.
I have experimented with a lot of drugs. To be honest, in the past few years though, it has only really been MDMA. Lots of MDMA. I haven't really done much in a while though. One pill in February, and not really anything since last year. I hardly even smoke weed anymore. I feel like somehow the symptoms are getting worse and I am not doing anything anymore.
I have been to an optometrist, optamologist, I am getting an MRI of my brain done to see if there is any scarring on my brain. I also now experience migraines.
I had a substance abuse issue about 7 years ago and when I ended those days I recovered almost fully. A couple years after that, I would randomly dabble in stuff, but not that often and I never had these issues unless I was super anxious.
Now this is a part of my life now. No one can tell me what's going on as everything about me shows perfectly healthy everywhere. I have tinted glasses that really help with the light sensitivity at work, but will this ever go away?
Just to clarify, this didn't begin after a particular trip. I recognized these visual disturbances as something I would experience during high points of anxiety as a result of my previous drug use. About 2 years ago, is when it became a daily almost consistent thing throughout the day. Now it's basically present at all points in time.
Just would love to hear from people that may be going through something similar.
I'd like to preface my story by mentioning that ever since I was a little kid, I've had lots of HPPD symptoms before doing any drugs. The first one I noticed was visual snow. i wasn't born with it, but it developed when I was probably about 5. I actually thought it was normal. I also started seeing CEVs, with big splotches of bright colors moving around in my vision after closing my eyes for long enough. Then when I was maybe about 13 I started developing mild palinopsia. I never saw afterimages per se, but if I darted my eyes somewhere, and they happened to pass by a light, I would see a long trail of the light. There were a few other symptoms but they were pretty mild.
About a year ago, I first started smoking cannabis a few times a month (not synthetic). It's the only psychedelic I've ever done. For the first 6 months or so I had no problems at all. One night though, I got much higher than usual. I don't know exactly how many hits I took, but even my friend who was an experienced smoker admitted to being really high. After I came down, I was driving home and I noticed some trails or afterimages along the white lines on the street. I could see that something had changed about my vision as time went on, but it was really mild. I would see more afterimages than usual and was more sensitive to light. I ignored it and attributed it to being a coincidence. I smoked a few more times, but in small amounts, and it never got worse. Convinced that the weed didn't cause it, I decided to get really stoned again just to see what would happen, and sure enough the palinopsia got much worse. I now saw true afterimages after looking at anything, even if it wasn't very bright. The afterimages lasted about one second. I felt very depressed but eventually got used to it.
Now here's where you'll stop feeling sorry for me. 3 months after the last episode, I decided to try smoking in a very low dose again. Since I didn't have any problems with the lower doses before, I figured it might be okay. I only took about 5 hits or so and the palinopsia did get a little worse. The afterimages are more intense and easier to induce. Also, my visual snow has noticeably gotten worse. It's been about two weeks.
Needless to say I've learned my lesson now, but it does suck because I'd honestly like to continue smoking, but I guess I can't take any more chances. Migraines run in my family, so I have a feeling that this is an underlying migraine problem that's just been exacerbated by the weed. I've been seeking treatment from a neurologist (although I didn't tell him this was from a drug). He prescribed me Topamax which I tried briefly and experienced no results from. I don't like that drug because it messes up my cognitive function so much. That's the extent of my treatment thus far. I decided to join the forum after learning that this was HPPD. I hope I can get back to my old normal one day.