At first with HPPD, all I noticed was some slight balance/vertigo issues, but it's been evolving little by little. I had some bouts of DP/DR which I've overcome mostly, as in the world still looks slightly off but I feel mentally here, and I've noticed slight visual snow and entopic phenomena on pretty much every bright surface. These are things I can cope with. However, something that hasn't shown itself till yesterday and one I legitimately cannot take is CEV's. When I close my eyes and it's dark enough, I see full on scenes play out in my eyes. I was sitting in the library, trying to get some rest, and put my head into my arm and all of a sudden began seeing something like a DJ spinning a record, which then changed to some sort of politician speaking, and so on and so forth. I've noticed a recurring theme in most of these is that a good amount are sexual in nature, as well as some other stuff like screaming faces. In describing these "videos", it's almost like at first it's just normal blackness, and all of a sudden the blackness has depth to it, then shading, and then full on visuals. Occasionally, there will be some small red flashes that are pretty short-lived. They sometimes have color, but even the ones that do aren't super intense colors, just slight hues. They also play like shutter film, almost like stop animation, and this applies to every one. This shit makes my other symptoms pale in comparison, as now I don't even have a refuge from HPPD by closing my eyes. It's like I'm fully trapped, and can't even get to sleep normally. I've noticed that they also don't show when I have some light going into my eyes, but the thing is my whole life I've slept in full darkness. Today and yesterday I had this happen, and both days I didn't get much sleep at all, which may have something to do with it. Anyone, please, help me with this crap.
So, quick for introduction to my background in regards of HPPD, I have done a whole bunch of drugs before and I already had HPPD in a major developement and tried to manage it with certain forms of therapy and by giving it aome conciouss time... my constant symptoms when it was the best were tracers and that a part of my concioussess is in the spirit world which is very fine with me.
I pretty much had trust in DMT and Salvia (I don´t know why I trusted Salvia I only tryed it a few times before and one time it even scared me, with that I have to mention that I am used to trip hard and that it is hard to scare me in this sense )
To the topic... about 26h ago I tripped hard on salvia while I was on Paracetamol ( stupidity is big in this one because I forgot that I was taking Paracetamol because I took it as medication for my cold, knowing that Paracetamol has some sort of not fully researched effect on opioid eceptor and the fact that Salvinorin-a bind onto kappa-opioid receptors I propably wouldn´t have done the salvia)
After the trip I instantly wrote down my experience and while writing it down I started this feeling in my body arise, it was a combination between the HPPD I got from a 2cb x MDMA x Methamphetamine x Cannabis and the HPPD I got from a painfull experience with 5HTP and LSD just mixed into this salvia dissociation and trip
I slept hours longer than I usually do and woke up very dissociated
The dissociation is my main problem with this case of HPPD because it is not only like depersonalization/dissociation-syndrome it has it´s very own vibe ( like every HPPD) ... I just never had HPPD from a dissociative psychedelic I guess^^
other symptoms include: very strong enhancement of colours ( even stronger that it was with the LSD HPPD) ,constant contact/concioussness with/about these imagined/normally unperceived entities that arise when tripping hard on salvia, also I don´t have small visuals in my visual field like specific tracers for this HPPD or swirls or anything but my whole vision is moving as one most of the time when it is weaker ( as if I knew the world was spinning) when it gets worse I can´t see sharply and more complex geometric patterns are in my whole visual field.
I hope someone here can help me or that I can at least find some kind souls to share a path together
much love and light
For the last 3 months or so I've had something strange going on. Um, stranger than usual. I'm getting on in years so sometimes I take an afternoon nap. When I wake up my visuals are intense. I mean really intense! It only lasts for about 30 - 45 minutes before my visuals drop down to "normal" (still present but not too bad). I don't feel any different. This afternoon, at work, I took a 15 minute dip into Nod and when I woke up I was seeing all of these bright red lines forming all over my hands. I looked out my window and .... well, it was intense. This doesn't happen when I wake up in the morning. Anyone else have a similar experience?
Allthough I sleep for 8-9 hours almost every night, I look and feel quite tired every single day. Also, since a few months i have been suffering from a cold, you know: running nose, coughing, sore throat, which does not seem to disappear. As you might know, the performance of the immune system is closely related to the amount of quality sleep a person gets, and I think this is the reason for my chronic cold. This has made me think that although the quantity of my sleep is fine, the quality of my sleep might be sub-optimal, possibly because of the disinhibition in my brain caused by HPPD.
I use an iPhone app that determines sleep cycles by measuring nightly movement and it shows that I have a fairly normal sleep pattern. Furthermore, the fact that I remember my dreams ocasionally suggests that I am able to enter REM sleep (although perhaps this says nothing). Anyway, I'm hoping to increase my sleep quality to an extend that it will be more refreshing/restorative and perhaps increases my general well-being (physical and psychological). Probably, a better night of sleep might be beneficial to all of us.
I'm interested in any of your experiences with supplements or medications that increases the quality of your sleep. Up untill now I often take magnesium before going to bed, I sleep in a very dark and quite room and even use a sleep mask now and then. Also, I don't have a hard time falling asleep and I usually do not wake up during the night. Its just that I do not feel (and look) very refreshed the next day.
I have been searching around a bit myself and I stumbled upon some articles about Gabapentin (links below), that proposedly increases sleep quality. I know some of the members here have used or are using Gabapentin, can you share your experiences about that? I would not want to take it every night, to prevent the build-up of tolerance against it, but perhaps once or twice a week to just give me a better night of sleep on some days. What are your experiences with the build-up of tolerance?
Any other ideas are welcome as well, thanks alot!
Treatment effects of gabapentin for primary insomnia. (2012)
Gabapentin versus pregabalin in improving sleep quality and depression in hemodialysis patients with peripheral neuropathy: a randomized prospective crossover trial. (2013)
Have any of you thought we could just be having flashbacks, but we went OCD about it for one reason or another and it keeps it saying there? Maybe we were scared of being schizophrenic so when we would have these flashbacks we would check, and due to checking so much they just sort of stayed?
Just a thought because I never really noticed this too much until I personally got scared and started checking and now it is always there.
Also, while I know the difference between reality and the weird visions or snow effect. What if we just accepted it as reality? For example, I feel much happier when I feel like I'm dreaming and I just say that I am, even thought I know I can go jump off a building, I feel less self conscious and I am more willing to talk to people than I was before....
What if like really is just but a dream?