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    • By HDDeer
      Do you think we will or maybe some of us will get answers to this one day? I feel like not enough people know of it to consider trying to help us, especially now that Dr. Abraham is retired. I just want answers. I know the terminology drug induced psychosis is something that gets tossed around a lot which, maybe we have it all mixed up.
      Some claim damage to gaba receptors, which also doesn't make much sense to me considering there have been the odd case where people have cured their hppd with psychedelics.
      Why do some get rid of theirs using meds like lamotrigine and keppra, and others dont find success in meds at all.
      Im sure when RC's become more common, thats when more people will end up with it. Anyways, 11 months tomorrow with no end in sight, good times ahead. 
    • By Bursting Aura
      Omega 3's are mentioned a lot for there importance for brain health. Vitamin D can also pass the blood-brain barrier, so it should be investigated for mental health also. I drove over some papers on vitamin D and depression since yesterday, so I will share some of those here. Depression impacts quality of life and it is usually implicated to be self-caused. According to science, depression can be biological, therefore depression is not always a lack of spiritual perspective or a case of "bad" vibes. My conclusion from these papers is that most cases of depression are very situational. Vitamin D deficiencies are not rare, and can potentially have a healing affect with some cases, similar to anti-depressants. The optimal ways to get vitamin D in my opinion, is sunshine and mushrooms. I would stay away from raw mushrooms due to carcinogens reported in the literature. heat destroys them though. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/2132000
      https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3751336/
      Efficacy of vitamin D supplementation in depression in adults: a systematic review protocol
      "The efficacy of vitamin D supplementation in depression has raised lots of concern. Vitamin D is considered as a neurosteroid [56], and now it is attested that vitamin D metabolites can cross the blood–brain barrier [34]. Because of the widespread presence of vitamin D receptor in areas of the brain including the hippocampus which is associated with the development of depression [23], it could be speculated that there is a clinical effect of vitamin D on depression."
      https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/26680471
      Vitamin D in anxiety and affective disorders.
      "Reduced levels of vitamin or its metabolites have been reported in various psychiatric disorders. Insufficient levels of vitamin D in depressive patients have been confirmed by many authors. Significantly lower levels of calcidiol (vitamin D) were found in men and women with depression as well as in age matched patients with anxiety disorders.
      https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/25713056
      Vitamin D and the omega-3 fatty acids control serotonin synthesis and action, part 2: relevance for ADHD, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, and impulsive behavior.
      "Serotonin regulates a wide variety of brain functions and behaviors. Here, we synthesize previous findings that serotonin regulates executive function, sensory gating, and social behavior and that attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, and impulsive behavior all share in common defects in these functions. It has remained unclear why supplementation with omega-3 fatty acids and vitamin D improve cognitive function and behavior in these brain disorder"
    • By justaman
      I took hppd about 2 months ago and ever since I’ve been very aware of what I’m seeing. Like at night when I’m in the car driving, I’m not sure if it’s been there before but street lights or any sort of light kinda has a glare to it, like very shiny and has like a glow to it. I’ve noticed that when I look at the moon. There’s another moon next to it but half of the size, like a glare. I suck at explaining but am I getting hppd or is all this normal? I’ve been stressing over This for a while now and I’m going to a psychologist to get checked out. 
       
      I forgot to mention that I only taken lsd once. I’ve only smoked weed before . 
    • By HDDeer
      Hey guys,
      My doctor prescribed me lamictal yesterday and as pretty much all of you know, it's one of the more highly regarded medication out there for this condition.
      My hppd is actually very bearable, the only time I struggle is when I'm alone in the house where the lsd trip happened, which leads me to a few questions.
      If I decide to take it, and my hppd gets better/worse/stays the same, if I stop taking it will I return to baseline? Has anyone else taken this med? 
    • By 801music
      So in the beginning  of hppd I had tremors just in my fingers but now it's kinda spread to my hands they shake pretty bad some nights , and also I get twitches in my head and scalp like in my lips and eyelids and forehead. Also been having muscle tension in my arms and chest. Is this just hppd and anxiety ?
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HDDeer

HPPD and my Addiction

2 posts in this topic

I don't really know where else to vent about this, in all honesty, it's really bothering me that this could go on for so long, anyways let me begin. 

This is just a thought of mine I have, and I don't want anyone to judge me for it because I feel like it could make me kinda sound delusional. 

Let me begin,

It's been about a year now since I first touched mdma, I remember when I first got my hands on it, I did it on Christmas eve and Christmas, lied to my family about where I was, i was doing it hours before work, there was a point when I did it something like 5 nights in a row. I picked up cocaine a few times which made me extremely suicidal, there was actually one time I had myself convinced i was going to spend all my money in my bank account on blow in hopes it would kill me(I don't know if it actually would have, and I still don't know if it would, I was just really reckless), it was a relatively rough period for me.

I never had hppd during that period of time though. 

But mdma, I did stop doing it as I couldn't find pure stuff anymore. I ended up stumbling upon mushrooms and lsd, the first time I took acid, best experience I've ever had in my entire life. Mushroom trips while not good, always helped me with my other neurological disorder. 

Then I got hppd after a bad acid trip, I'm here now 7 months later, I think things have gotten better in terms of visuals, for the most part my anxiety is usually non-existent. 

But every time my hppd is beginning to show improvements, I find my drug addiction comes back harder and harder. I ask myself most times, is it even possible to truly have an addiction 9 months after the last time you even touched the drug? You wouldn't think so. Maybe it's just my mental state.

I should correct myself, the last time I was doing hard drugs faithfully was 9 months ago, I did end up doing a Molly capsule back in June, that nobody even knows of, not my girlfriend not anyone in my family, only my nephew whose a few months younger than me. It definitely made my hppd worse, it has gotten better since, though my ghosting was virtually non existent before, and now while it's going away again, it's definitely a lot slower going away than it was before. 

Now, my hppd is finally getting better again, my mental capacity is so lacking, that I can't seem to get it through to myself that drugs put me here, mdma made it worse, but I find myself being drawn back into it. I have so much trouble fighting my urges. 

I know it's not a life to live, hppd or not hppd.

My mom died back in 2010, and I'm relatively confident that I suffer from dp/dr because of it, my emotions are relatively numb, I feel like I don't care about my family like the normal person should. Drugs filled that void my mom left there when she died. It's been so long that I truly do not know wether or not if what i feel is normal, personally, something does feel off, and it did before hppd happened. 

Sometimes I kinda wonder, if my mom or even the universe for that matter, sees that I have some kind of purpose for good, which is why I was thrown into this mess with hppd to stop an addiction from getting worse, to fulfill something meaningful.

Granted, it's very important to me to help someone, or change at least one person's life for good while I'm here, so maybe I'm just really lost in my own mind and this is all some weird ploy I came up with to comfort myself with this mess I'm in. 

I just really hope something in my life changes soon, because while my hppd may not be getting worse, something about my life is. 

I have a new job as a security guard, I work shift work, 7 days on and 7 days off, 12 hour shifts. And while it does pay decent, I just don't truly think it's for me. I want to do something meaningful.

Sorry for the rant guys, haven't posted on here in a while and my urges and just my life all around have been coming in full swing, needed people I could relate to, to see this. 

Thank you. 

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Mom died > trauma > DPDR/drug addiction.

It's normal for humans to want to escape the pain of reality. You're one of those people who can't do drugs, so you have to figure out a way to cope in some healthier way, like martial arts or lifting weights or writing or something.

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