Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0
slowdancinginaburningroom

Please Help - HPPD at 17, is it worth continuing?

11 posts in this topic

Hi all,

So on August 6, 2017, at around 10pm, my friend basically forced me into doing acid for the first and only time. I didn’t really want to take it, my girlfriend had just broken up with me, I had gotten blackout drunk the night before, I had just eaten, and I was also afraid of the drug because I had always been told it fries your brain. So anyways, I took one tab of tested (not synthetic [excuse my terminology I know nothing about this stuff]) in order to get high, which is the wrong reason to take the drug. I didn’t really feel anything until I started getting some minor visuals a few hours in. Then at about the 5 hour mark, the trip turned terrible. I started freaking out, I got constipated, and I began to freak out begging my friend to take me to the hospital. After about 4 more hours of this, we both agreed to take a single Xanax bar, and that helped me finally go to sleep. The next day I felt ok, things seemed a little different and I guess I knew to expect that temporarily. The day after that is when all my problems began to surface. I began to see an abnormal amount of floaters in my vision that move with my eyes, not on my own, and I also began to see afterimages of everything and I have also developed blue field entoptic phenomenon as well. These all pale in comparison to the anxiety which controls me. It’s now been 2 months (October 11, 2017) as I write this, and I haven’t been able to get good sleep on a consistent basis and I am extremely concerned that this is tearing my life apart. I can’t get the fact that I used acid out of my head. The floaters never subside unless I am in a dimly lit room, and I become extremely anxious and am not able to sleep easily at night. My social life has significantly deteriorated as well, as my friends love to smoke pot but I no longer do because I am afraid it will aggravate my HPPD. The girl who broke up with me the day of the trip gave me a second chance, but after acid I became completely obsessed with her to a point where it became necessary for her to remove me from her life, despite the fact that I was never like that with her before tripping, and I convinced myself that I could not live without her, which is downright creepy and not like the old me at all. She has called me psychotic on two different occasions since the breakup despite me not telling her anything I am suffering from. It has now been 3 weeks and my thoughts are still consumed by her and my HPPD. I haven’t smoked pot since 6 days before the trip, and since the trip I have taken one Xanax and drank on several occasions, which I have now stopped. I use an e cigarette every day and but I don’t drink caffeine. I have committed now to complete sobriety aside from the e cig, which I had quit previously for about 3 days, but did not alleviate any symptoms. I’m only 17 and I have my whole life ahead of me and right now I feel like it isn’t worth living if I have to deal with this. I made a mistake, one tab of acid, and I don’t know if I can deal with the reality that this may haunt me for the rest of my life. If this is truly permanent, I can’t see why I would want to continue to be a part of this world as it’s only been 2 months and the symptoms, however minor, are now unbearable. I cannot get professional help as my parents are non-believers in western medicine and would not send me to a psychiatrist unless I went full-blown insane. There is also no history of mental illness in my family. Any suggestion is welcome.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Best bet is to calm down, it seems like you don't have HPPD, that's very good news. All that has happened is you are seeing some things that your brain used to ignore. What you are experiencing is very normal. You are obsessing over your girlfriend because things have ended. That is also normal and will pass. 

Just say away from alcohol and other drugs for as long as you can and you will be fine 

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Yep, stay calm.... 2 months will seem like a lifetime, but these symptoms can quickly fade, once you are living a healthy and sober life... Just give yourself a break, avoid stress... quite work/school/college if you need to. If you just need to sit and watch tv for 3 months, do it.. Whatever works to reduce stress and anxiety.

If you are still as anxious in another 2-3 months, then there are plenty of medications to explore. My advice is to avoid them for now though, get to grips with how you feel naturally.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Looks like i'll have to follow Jay's advice aswell and drop college for a year.

 

I never drank alcohol (besides 1-2 times a year of binge), never smoked cigs, never did illegal drugs, but hppd/vs still hit me. I see no point in abstaining from cigs or alcohol from now on. I need a relief, a ''get out of my mind'' sensation. I lived a life of abstain from things that all of my friends did. And I still fucked my brain, and they didn't. Sad, sad existence with no profits in the end. Life is a fucking joke.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
7 hours ago, Jay1 said:

Yep, stay calm.... 2 months will seem like a lifetime, but these symptoms can quickly fade, once you are living a healthy and sober life... Just give yourself a break, avoid stress... quite work/school/college if you need to. If you just need to sit and watch tv for 3 months, do it.. Whatever works to reduce stress and anxiety.

If you are still as anxious in another 2-3 months, then there are plenty of medications to explore. My advice is to avoid them for now though, get to grips with how you feel naturally.

Hi Jay -

Unfortunately, I am a senior in high school, and a break from school is not a viable option for me. I would like to add that I never experience floaters or light trails outside of school, sometimes I’ll see the light trails at night when I look in bright lights. The only problem I have at home is getting high-quality sleep. Could this all be brought on by anxiety, or do I really have HPPD? Do you have any suggestions for how to manage this anxiety without benzodiazepines?

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It is hppd, trails and floaters are one of the symptoms that accompany hppd. I wouldn't suggest taking benzo, but since you already have hppd, you might aswell try to trake them when needed, or cycle 4 day on them and 3 days off of them.

 

If I were you, a senior in hs, i'd get myself some klonopin and do the cycles. Then i'd also take some propranolol. If I felt that I couldn't focus on anything because of anxiety, i'd even go on smoking pot. But carefully. 

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Floaters are not a symptom of hppd... i had them when i was 5 years old.... you are just studying your visual field alot... so will see things like floaters more... even Stewie Griffin gets them in an episode of family guy!

For anxiety... try meditation, breathing exercises etc first

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
45 minutes ago, Jay1 said:

Floaters are not a symptom of hppd... i had them when i was 5 years old.... you are just studying your visual field alot... so will see things like floaters more... even Stewie Griffin gets them in an episode of family guy!

For anxiety... try meditation, breathing exercises etc first

Thank you for the advice Jay. I’m trying my best to not notice them / tell myself it’s okay and I’ll be okay. I feel like I may not actually have HPPD because all I really have are floaters in the sky when I go outside and my eyes are more sensitive to light now. I need to move past this and realize it’s a mistake I made in the past and can’t let it define me. Thanks for your help, I appreciate it!

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Yea, that doesn't sound like hppd, which is good news... There are easier ways to treat anxiety than hppd.

Try to wear sunglasses as much as possible for the light sensitivity. I cured mine by wearing sunglasses all the time for a few months (even indoors).

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Well, one floater isn't hppd, sure. But when the brain suddenly starts to observe 5-10 floaters, it is a sign that the brain is being stimulated/hyperactive.

If you have trails and floaters, I could only based on that say that you have hppd, the severity is up to you to decide. But if you have one tiny floater, then no hppd.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Floaters literally have zero to do with hppd... nothing, nada. The only thing that is happening is that you are freaking out about this hppd thing you've heard of, and are scanning your visual field far more than you used to. It's that simple.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0