SeekingLife

Feel like I can't experience any emotions anymore and outside is overwhelming

7 posts in this topic

Hey guys, 

So I posted last week about some visual symptoms that I've been going through, but I have some other issues I'd like to speak on. For one, I feel like I can't "feel" any emotions in my head. I was hanging with a friend yesterday, and laughed a decent amount, even really hard at one point, but never "felt" in my head that it was funny. I purposely tried to evoke sadness by watching some sad videos yesterday, and felt nothing. It's not like I don't feel like I'm in the world like DP/DR stuff, but it's more a legitimate lack of being able to feel any emotions in my head. Another thing that tends to make me irritated with lack of recovery is when I go outside. In the morning, I feel pretty normal, up until I go outside and just observe. I'm home from college right now, and outside just doesn't look right. I don't know how to describe it, but it's almost overwhelming how not OK I am just looking outside. There's no visuals or anything, but the world outside, the world I grew up in right outside of my house, doesn't feel the same. I can't just hole up inside, so if anyone could give me any tips I would appreciate it.

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Yeah, those definitely sound like classic DP-DR symptoms. You might wanna see a therapist if you aren't already. Working out has helped me a lot too. 

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@TheMythos@K.B.Fante Really? I mean, there were days where I felt so much worse a couple weeks ago, like where it legitimately felt like I wasn't myself anymore, and that I was looking at the world through some fuzzy glass. It was extremely difficult to talk to people, and they were probably the worst days of my life. Now, I feel much more grounded, and can talk to people, but just don't feel the sensations of emotions in my head. The outside thing, in more detail, feels like my vision is sort of worse, and every time I look at patterns outside, like this one pebble garden or trees, there's a slight vibrating sensation where my eyes don't fully focus on the tree. But the weird thing is, none of this happens inside. Inside my house, I feel almost entirely identical to my old self, aside from slight visual changes. I noticed this in my dorm too back at college. It's just as soon as I step outside, the lighting and overall environment feels super, I don't know, large and imposing. 

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Yeah, look up DP and DR on wikipedia. Emotional blunting is a symptom. It's just your brain's strange way of protecting itself against further trauma.

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Seeking life...the description of not feeling right outside is exactly how I felt at early onset of HPPD. It was a sense of not being fully present and As I have mentioned elsewhere this sense was the very worst symptom of HPPD.

Perhaps it is helpful just to realize that this is a true symptom that others of us also have experienced.

Give yourself time. Let your brain find another pathway. 

Zoom in on what interests you outdoors, a tree, the ferns the water, the moon and stars. Then the sense of having your feet on the ground will come closer. That is my experience anyway.

Edited by Kaleidoscope
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This also sounds like depression.  Sometimes depression can make you hyper aware of your emotions as the brains bombards you with negative messages.  Another symptom of depression can be a feeling of being emotionally numb.  I guess depression and DP/DR are like circles that intersect.  Depression is pretty common in people who have recently given up drugs and/or alcohol.  It takes a while for the brain to feel good in an unaltered state.  

I'm no expert on any of these disorders but, like most humans, I've gone a few rounds with depression.  It's a tough opponent.  

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