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khaozet

Alcohol and long lasting HPPD

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Hello,

So I'm back, pretty much 4 years after I ended up with this shit, and found this forum. I decided this was a bad place for me and that it's better to just try and live, which I've managed.

Anyhow, there's a reason to why I decided to actually log back on, even tho I've been checking out what you guys been up to every once in a while: so from what I've gathered from a lot of people, including myself, HPPD gets worse with alcohol consumption. I believe I fucked myself over by having mild HPPD and then binge drinking at a festival for 5 days straight, which made the HPPD blossom to its current state, and given that it would probably be a stupid idea to start drinking again. Even so, over time it's getting harder and harder to live life in such a alcohol centered place as university, and not drink. I can live life without it, and I've done it for 4 years - regardless of what friends say, but somewhere deep inside you just wanna be part of the same culture as everybody else. I mean, I've pretty much come to terms with that I will never recover fully, even tho I've learned to manage it, but just being able to take a beer every once in a while would help with a life long coping.

So, to the question: is there anybody here who's had HPPD for a longer period of time, had it worse by drinking initially and then kept on drinking without experiencing it getting much worse permanently? Cheerio!

If you're new and stuff, feel free to write to me or anything; I'd gladly help you out!

Edited by khaozet
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I've never heard of anyone having their HPPD permanently worsen due to alcohol. Pretty interesting considering this is thought of as a disorder strictly obtained and exacerbated via hard drugs. I think it's stories like yours, in addition to people with Visual Snow Syndrome and those who get HPPD-like symptoms through exposure to toxic chemicals, who basically confirm how complex this disorder is in terms of its origins and ongoing evolution. There's clearly something inside our brains that doesn't agree with the chemistry of the modern world... 

In terms of alcohol consumption, I've thought about drinking again. I'm not recovered yet, and I've been sober for 2.5 years now, but I also want to be able to enjoy like socially again when I feel comfortable. I don't know what this means in terms of alcohol, but I know for sure I don't ever want to drink heavily again. I just can't figure out if I'll be able to tolerate a little alcohol here and there without binging. Ideally if I can find enough purpose in my life I won't need it. 

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I used to be able to drink with this but now it fries my brain even in tiny amounts, makes me dizzy, nauseous.......my body just can't tolerate it anymore. Just as with any stimulant.

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Couldn't drink during first months after my bad trip because it made me freak out. Now I can enjoy alcohol again, in fact I might be drinking too much. Guess I will try to cut it out again so my mind can focus on recovery.

Edited by fruitgun
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9 hours ago, K.B.Fante said:
9 hours ago, K.B.Fante said:

I've never heard of anyone having their HPPD permanently worsen due to alcohol. Pretty interesting considering this is thought of as a disorder strictly obtained and exacerbated via hard drugs. I think it's stories like yours, in addition to people with Visual Snow Syndrome and those who get HPPD-like symptoms through exposure to toxic chemicals, who basically confirm how complex this disorder is in terms of its origins and ongoing evolution. There's clearly something inside our brains that doesn't agree with the chemistry of the modern world... 

In terms of alcohol consumption, I've thought about drinking again. I'm not recovered yet, and I've been sober for 2.5 years now, but I also want to be able to enjoy like socially again when I feel comfortable. I don't know what this means in terms of alcohol, but I know for sure I don't ever want to drink heavily again. I just can't figure out if I'll be able to tolerate a little alcohol here and there without binging. Ideally if I can find enough purpose in my life I won't need it. 

I think I've read about it from time to time. There's been a topic on this forum that includes a poll, to which a lot of people have answered. I should prolly go check that out again. What I was missing from that is people's experiences with HPPD over a long time.

My HPPD was caused by the one and only one drug experience, out of alcohol, I ever had - a blotter with a combo of 25I and 25c nBOME. Days after I had a lot of anxiety, due to things happening during the trip, and I noticed floaters. Thought of it quite a lot but accepted it - recalled I read about it somewhere, that you could experience permanent problems. If I remember it correctly, I did drink a bit after that but it was after the festival I came back home and noticed my entire vision had changed. Sad to think of it, as I guess that I could've recovered, but that those days in a not so good environment fucked me over.

 

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7 hours ago, Joeygeorgie88 said:

I used to be able to drink with this but now it fries my brain even in tiny amounts, makes me dizzy, nauseous.......my body just can't tolerate it anymore. Just as with any stimulant.

Really? What amounts and to what extent? Yup, drugs are drugs, regardless of name and common use.

6 hours ago, TheMythos said:

Sucks that you have to drink as an adult to be considered social.

My friends are quite supportive and I really don't have that problem. I just find myself missing it sometimes. I can't remember what it feels like but yesterday, for example, I was just sitting at home, doing some work. I started listening to Avicii's new songs and danced in my chair. I felt so happy about the song, but there's a longing for the buzz and rhythm going through my body. That, in turn, made me sad.

I can be social and dance without drinking, no problem, but I can only manage the social bit to a certain extent before the drunkedness of people are too overwhelming for my abilities. They're on a different wave length by then, crossing a border I can't get over while sober.

5 hours ago, fruitgun said:

Couldn't drink during first months after my bad trip because it made me freak out. Now I can enjoy alcohol again, in fact I might be drinking too much. Guess I will try to cut it out again so my mind can focus on recovery.

How did it make you freak out? You get no effect from it, bad ones especially?

 

Edited by khaozet
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I'm 1.5 years in, and even after 2 beers I get increased twitching and brain zaps when following asleep later that night

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2 hours ago, adubbs said:

I'm 1.5 years in, and even after 2 beers I get increased twitching and brain zaps when following asleep later that night

Then what? What if you drink more? Do they get more frequent permanently?

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10 hours ago, khaozet said:

Then what? What if you drink more? Do they get more frequent permanently?

Never had more than 2..... not risking it.

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I drank when I was in my 20s.  Basically self medication for the anxiety caused by this disorder.  I don't think drinking made my symptoms worse, but it made the rest of my life more difficult.  Quit drinkin' ages ago.  Don't miss it a bit.

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On 2017-09-23 at 0:01 PM, adubbs said:

Never had more than 2..... not risking it.

Okey... But the effect of those two subside?

19 hours ago, MadDoc said:

I drank when I was in my 20s.  Basically self medication for the anxiety caused by this disorder.  I don't think drinking made my symptoms worse, but it made the rest of my life more difficult.  Quit drinkin' ages ago.  Don't miss it a bit.

I see, you got problems from the drinking itself? Like an unsustainable situation?

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7 hours ago, khaozet said:

 

I see, you got problems from the drinking itself? Like an unsustainable situation?

Yeah.  Alcohol is not a solution.  Over time it beats up the mind and body.  When I quit all of my issues were waiting for me unresolved.  I've found that sobriety is the best medicine.

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On 22.9.2017 at 4:31 PM, khaozet said:

How did it make you freak out? You get no effect from it, bad ones especially?

Made my DP/DR fire up.

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6 hours ago, MadDoc said:

Yeah.  Alcohol is not a solution.  Over time it beats up the mind and body.  When I quit all of my issues were waiting for me unresolved.  I've found that sobriety is the best medicine.

Takes some strong character to realize that. Good work! 

5 hours ago, fruitgun said:

Made my DP/DR fire up.

Alright, so it went worse? Now, after all this time, can ytou drink without it firing up?

 

I've been sober for 4 years, so I can keep on doing that. It just feels sad sometimes. Most people here have had a lot of drug experience before getting HPPD. Kinda sucks to get it from one thing, and have myself deprived of what was my life, vision and cognition. Would be nice to at least have something.

Edited by khaozet
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It took me a while to be able to have a beer or two, but if I get drunk I start feeling uncomfortable, like somethings wrong or about to go wrong. I just can't get to bed without a beer anymore.

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44 minutes ago, TheMythos said:

Drugs aren't all they're cracked up to be man.

I'm seeking natural dopamine highs.

Supposedly. Even so, I don't want dopamine highs. I want my old way of living back. Maybe I wouldn't even like drinking if I went back to it, but right now I'm ruled by my fright of things getting worse. In the beginning I said to myself that I'd never put myself at risk of that, seeing it is among the worst things in my life. Over the years, however, you start doubting: can it really get worse? Could it really ruin my life? Is it so bad? Then you read up and come back to the conclusion that it could. Still, the massive initial fear have subsided.

30 minutes ago, Distress said:

It took me a while to be able to have a beer or two, but if I get drunk I start feeling uncomfortable, like somethings wrong or about to go wrong. I just can't get to bed without a beer anymore.

So you can't get drunk but you drink? How about your visuals?

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I should probably have clarified that I'm mostly referring to visuals, even tho I'm interested in HPPD + alcohol in all forms.

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On 9/24/2017 at 8:46 PM, khaozet said:

Supposedly. Even so, I don't want dopamine highs. I want my old way of living back. Maybe I wouldn't even like drinking if I went back to it, but right now I'm ruled by my fright of things getting worse. In the beginning I said to myself that I'd never put myself at risk of that, seeing it is among the worst things in my life. Over the years, however, you start doubting: can it really get worse? Could it really ruin my life? Is it so bad? Then you read up and come back to the conclusion that it could. Still, the massive initial fear have subsided.

So you can't get drunk but you drink? How about your visuals?

They're better. Visuals have mostly went away. Staring into the mirror has gotten alot better. I still have the impending doom feeling often, like today I almost had a panic attack dropping off my boss.

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