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scaredsororitygirl

Freaking out, please help

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Hi guys, so I was a heavy weed smoker for at least a year and micro dosed LSD once and enjoyed it, then a couple months later at the end of this July I tripped for the first time and had an anxiety filled trip, I wasn't seeing bad things and can remember good parts of it but I also remember feeling like the world wasn't real, and not wanting to do anything and thinking that I would be stuck in a bad trip forver. In the weeks after I was extremely uncomfortable and feeling so much anxiety because I still felt like I was tripping, slightly. Visual snow, feeling disconnected, and I took a small amount of Valium to continue life, then my father who caused me PTSD from alcoholism had a traumatic brain injury 1 week after the acid trip, and since then it feels like I have been experiencing many of the symptoms on here. Increased visual snow, floaters, especially when looking at a bright light, suicidal thoughts, feeling like the world wasn't real. I've seen many psychiatrists and have been on Klonopin for panic attacks that I thought were related to my father and PTSD, and they started me on Zoloft(ssri) which I thought was causing the insane thoughts. I even went to the hospital convinced I was schizophrenic and no one has mentioned hppd to me. I just don't know what to do and am hoping someone on here can give me some answers because I'm scared I threw my life away because i tripped one time and I don't feel like I could raise a family and continue life into my 70's with these symptoms. Since the trip I have stopped all substance use, and everything but I know tons of people who have done many hallucinogens including my brother and have had none of these symptoms. How do I tell my mom I messed myself up forever? I'm scared to start junior year of college tomorrow :( 

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Hey there, if it is bothering you so much my recommendations for you would be to start eating healthy and doing cardio for at least one hour a day. You need to try your best to not pay attention to it, once you've conquered  the  early  stages  of hppd it gets  easier 

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Hey and welcome.  I have friends who dosed hundreds (if not 1000+) times and have no hppd symptoms.  But I dosed the same amount and have continuous visuals.  The point is we're all different and hppd hits some of us and not others.  You're no longer using which is the single best thing you can do for yourself.  Anxiety is the toughest part IMHO. You're starting college and that alone can cause huge anxiety by itself.  Medication appears to help a lot of people.  I practice daily meditation and it has made a world of difference.  Personally, I don't trust doctors much and I don't trust myself with prescriptions, but that's me.  Staying focused helps a lot too.  Don't feed hppd by giving it all of your attention.  Because you haven't dosed over and over chances are good that you're going to notice improvement over time.

Listen: You have not messed up forever nor have you thrown your life away.  You can raise a family and have a wonderful life.  I'm looking at turning 60 and though I have constant visuals life couldn't be more wonderful.  I've raised a family and held a career in a profession and, trust me, I'm nobody special.  If a goof like me can pull it off so can you.  Find your optimism and use it to fight back.  

Hope that helps.  

Edited by MadDoc
Foolish typing
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