Distress

Anybody else feel brainwrecked?

7 posts in this topic

I had a traumatic trip a month ago, and ever since then I've been suffering from HPPD. I quit all drugs, even caffeine and cigarettes. I've only ever tripped twice, one was a one ounce shroom trip, and the other time was a trip I didn't want to take. My Dealer had laced my weed, (spice or nbome, I do not know), and I had a traumatic trip. I almost called 9-11.

Before the trip, I was just a sane 24 year old. II feel like I'm losing my mind. I'm going insane and I don't know how to stop it. It's hard to sleep at night, when I shut my eyes I'll see people moving around above me in the static, almost like I'm in an hospital bed and examiners are doing rounds or something. I've began believing I'm in a simulation. I can't even understand consciousnesses. How did anything start? If the big bang happened, how did the God Particle ever exist? Could it be that everything I know is simulated by a computer? Could there be higher beings that have designed this simulation?

I never used to think like this, and my thoughts are killing me. I just want to die every day. I'm losing myself in a battle against my mind and it's so horrible. Does anybody else feel the same way? Is there anything that can help me? I'm planning to see a psychiatrist to hopefully get some medication to help. But I don't even know where to begin to help myself.

Edited by Distress
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I've been on 12 different medications in the past year and a half. I am currently med free and about 90% recovered. Get meds as a last resort. The system does not know what HPPD is (even though it's in the DSM) and you will be treated like an idiot and trash. Just calm down and try to do something to take your mind off of it right now.

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Do you think I should get on anxiety medication since I have severe anxiety, or will medication interfere? How long were you sober before you started to get better?

How long until I can enjoy a beer again?

 

Thanks

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I was smoking with friends and my girlfriend. He said it was very dank, so we were like sure. I bought an eighth or so and I chose to share with my friends before I hit the stuff myself.

Bad move.

The entire circle started having a bad time. It was extremely hard for me to breathe, and the visuals were just like shrooms. Girlfriend had a giant eye on her forehead, and stuff was morphing / other psychedelic effects. Had audio hallucinations, etc. I smoked two bowls of it and the stuff destroyed me ten minutes later (just hit me all at once). It didn't smell, or taste like bud. We nearly had to call 9-11.

Our Dealer said the guy he got it from may have coated it with powdered Nbome or another Research Chemical to bump bad quality bud. Our friend said he really felt like it was spice. We no longer talk to the Dealer, and the stuff hit my friend and I the hardest since we smoked more of it.

Edited by Distress
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I got really bad HPPD after doing a few hits of acid probably 3 times within a week span. During my last trip I had a super immense trip which involved my brain sort of playing back a movie (Kind of like an interactive dream if you will) for my own perception to watch. It was really similar to what you are describing in the sense that it made me think that I was in a simulation, or that there was another acting force beneath the surface that drove life. Although I thought it was really cool at the time, I woke up the next morning with severe hppd - saw colours and static everywhere, and could never sleep at night because my hppd would cause body parts to move (Ie my fingers twitching or acting out thoughts, hppd works in mysterious ways) and I could never stop focusing on it, which drove me pretty much insane.

 

However a year later, (Which is now, this all happened last july) I am recovering really well. I went almost a full year without having a job due to my hppd, which made things tough, but hang in there and you will notice your symptoms start to get better. You could be much healthier than I am and recover allot faster, but i've done MDMA and smoked weed almost daily since the onset of my hppd. In terms of my recovery id say my hppd has almost receded around 50%, and let me tell you, when you start to feel yourself recover, its a huge and unmistakable sigh of relief. 

 

TL;DR: You've only ever done one or two hits of the drug, give your head some time to heal, and I think you'll be fine. I have hppd after doing easily 250+ tabs of LSD in my time, and I am noticing significant an unmistakable improvement within a year of getting my symptoms in the first place.  A psychiatrist will only give you psychiatric meds, such as seroquel or clonazepam, which usually do not work, in my opinion its better to stay of them than on them.

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