Where to go from here

[Guest]

Panic - virtually eliminated. Still have startle response but in very rare instances; consider myself over the panic.

Fear - gone. Planning on going WWOOFing around the US.

Anxiety - 2/3 out of 10 on most days.

OCD - virtually eliminated (with Rexulti)

Mood - no depression, but gets low when the HPPD and perceptual disturbances carry out an all day assault.

HPPD/Perceptual problems - anxiety and panic were the main issue, now its this.

I think the HPPD (my internal hallucinations) were much better on Abilify, but I don't know if it exacerbated the anxiety because after I came off of it the anxiety lessened. So I'm not sure if the "fear" (subconscious) around driving and such dissipated with the removal of Abilify or if it was just a natural progression of my brain finally realizing that it was safe and there was nothing in the environment to be on alert about.

My diet and physical activity are still shit. Still smoke half a pack to a pack of cigs a day to cope. Trying to quit in the next 2 months because I don't want to smoke when I go WWOOFing and I really need to quit anyway for my health.

Does it sound like I'm getting better at all? Early last year I could barely leave the house without having a panic attack...

I've been on Rexulti for 2 weeks tonight. OCD and depression are gone but it's really having no effect on these mental hallucinations. Well, maybe. I don't think they're as bad as they were but they still take up a majority of the day. Maybe a little less intense.

What should I do and where should I go from here?

[MadDoc]

Live

[K.B.Fante]

If there's one thing I've learned about HPPD it's that progress is a lot like watching the moon go across the sky at night. You can't see it move no matter how hard you try, but if you glance up every now and then you'll noticed it's not in the same spot as before. 

Any progress is good with HPPD. It's really about entirely altering your lifestyle, becoming the healthiest person you can imagine and doing a whole bunch of little things each and every day to benefit your health and transform your mind, body and especially your brain. If you keep working at it, then over the course of hundreds and hundreds of days you'll notice a change. 

It's great you've made the progress you have, but man, smoking is just awful for you. If you could really cut back and then totally eliminate cigarettes and all forms of drugs I really think you'd notice a big difference in your mental and physical health. I know I did when I quit about three years ago. Also, eating healthy is the single most important aspect of altering your brain chemistry. I think I read somewhere recently that 90 percent of neurotransmitters begin their life cycle in the gut. You can't change your brain if you're not giving your body what it needs to work. It's like filling a sports car up with the cheapest form of gasoline -- it'll run, sure, but your not optimizing your output and in the longrun you could totally mess up your engine altogether. 

[Guest]

16 hours ago, MadDoc said:

Live

Trying. Finally feel like I've got a shot now that the panic and anxiety are gone. I don't think people understand how debilitating and terrifying and miserable it is to have panic attacks every day.

K.B. ... I know what I need to do but my willpower seems to be failing around smoking, food, and porn. It's like these last 3 vices are the last thing to overcome but they are having a more powerful grip on me than any illicit substance.

[MadDoc]

You're doing great!  Don't forget to give yourself credit for the progress you've made.

Smoking is one of the hardest things to give up.  Nicotine is an insidious chemical.  Nicotine replacement seems to work for many.  Gum, lozenges, patches, etc.  Just a thought.  I quit cold turkey about 30 years ago after my first kid was born.  Almost lost my mind for a few weeks but in the long haul it's nice not to be under its control.

Edited July 12, 2017 by MadDoc

[K.B.Fante]

14 hours ago, TheMythos said:

Trying. Finally feel like I've got a shot now that the panic and anxiety are gone. I don't think people understand how debilitating and terrifying and miserable it is to have panic attacks every day.

K.B. ... I know what I need to do but my willpower seems to be failing around smoking, food, and porn. It's like these last 3 vices are the last thing to overcome but they are having a more powerful grip on me than any illicit substance.

I know how it is man. We all have vices. Mine is sugar and sweets. I still struggle with that stuff daily. Again, it's all about making little achievements and goals here or there, baby steps, taking it one day at a time, etc. Like MadDoc said, focus on the progress you have made, be proud of yourself, but at the same time always have goals you're trying to work toward too. 

[Guest]

I went 12 hours with 2 1/2 cigs.

Rexulti's been giving me insomnia for 3 days straight. Getting bleed through OCD today so what's the point. Might as well come off the shit.

I'm gonna be working on an organic farm for 6 months to a year working hard physical labor 5-6 hours a day 5 days a week and eating nothing but organic fruits and vegetables and grass fed beef. I'll be in the best shape of my life learning permaculture skills and eating extremely healthy.

Maybe that's my hppd cure.

Edited July 13, 2017 by Guest

[K.B.Fante]

14 hours ago, TheMythos said:

I went 12 hours with 2 1/2 cigs.

Rexulti's been giving me insomnia for 3 days straight. Getting bleed through OCD today so what's the point. Might as well come off the shit.

I'm gonna be working on an organic farm for 6 months to a year working hard physical labor 5-6 hours a day 5 days a week and eating nothing but organic fruits and vegetables and grass fed beef. I'll be in the best shape of my life learning permaculture skills and eating extremely healthy.

Maybe that's my hppd cure.

That sounds awesome. I did some similar work abroad in Spain a few years back. I think it's a great idea for those with HPPD as it will keep you busy and allow you to try and live a bit. 

The one thing I'll say about turning your diet around is that it takes time to really feel the effects. A lifetime eating a certain way has your gut biome thriving on specific foods and to completely alter it will take many months. I've been eating healthy for a year now and it's been the most effective treatment for HPPD and my mental health in general, although it's taken a long time for it to really kick in. 

[HDDeer]

On 12/07/2017 at 8:45 AM, TheMythos said:

I know what I need to do but my willpower seems to be failing around smoking, food, and porn. It's like these last 3 vices are the last thing to overcome but they are having a more powerful grip on me than any illicit substance.

Porn is f****d, sorry but theres no other way to put it. I didnt fap for the last 7 days and i felt better the only thing that dragged me down was wanting to keep watching it and fapping. Then today i caved in and i was a total dick to everybody. I couldve swore my visuals instantly got worse too. Im done with porn. 

[Guest]

10 hours ago, HDDeer said:

Porn is f****d, sorry but theres no other way to put it. I didnt fap for the last 7 days and i felt better the only thing that dragged me down was wanting to keep watching it and fapping. Then today i caved in and i was a total dick to everybody. I couldve swore my visuals instantly got worse too. Im done with porn. 

Let's be done with it together.

Haven't looked or fapped today. No desire to.

We gotta retrain our brains.

Also after being up for almost 5 days straight I stopped taking the Rexulti last night...yay anxiety and obsessions. :[

Edited July 14, 2017 by Guest