Originally

Hello, im originally. And i got hppd at 16

63 posts in this topic

Well, no easy way to say this. I think I have hppd. I took extremely small doses of acid in my sophmore year in high school. One 50ug and one 100ug. That's it. Prior to trying lsd I've had experiences with dxm, and weed. I only did both of these substances every now and again. 

The visuals of today might have started a week ago, I felt no anxiety just was kinda trippy to still see stuff. Symptoms below*

-trails 

-slight flashing in my peripheral

-negative and positive in prints 

-Halos 

-Closed eye shape-ish movement when I try to sleep

-I sometimes right when I'm about to fall asleep I imagine noises.

Last night I smoked some weed, after 15 min I had extreme anxiety. Felt as if I was having a panic attack, the visuals were too strong for me. I closed my eyes (still tripping) then I fell asleep. I woke up feeling neutral, just slightly anxious. All of today I've had on and off anxiousness, when I'm occupied I'm fine, down time is when I'm anxious. Been going to the gym, eating well and I plan to never do a substance again in my life. Have a party tomorrow and I want to see if my anxiety will stretch socially where it never was before. Any piece of mind from individuals here would be appreciated. Thank you for reading :)

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Also discoloration when I'm staring at patterns, like circles of colors different to the actually painting or picture. I've been reading and a lot of people say the ride is hellish, 2 days in and my anxiety is rad. My friend is over for the week because I'm on summer break. Gonna try and stay productive, eat healthy, so constant exercise and build upon my relationships. At the gym I don't notice anything, no anxiety no visuals. I just feel amazing getting my fitness in.

 

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I'm repeating myself.  I say this over and over.  I used to love weed.  Smoked it every day, all day long.  Then it started to give me panic attacks and it makes my visuals very intense.  I didn't quit weed, it quit me.  I don't know why it causes anxiety but I'm sure it's related to hppd.  

It sounds like you're making excellent lifestyle changes.  Staying focused and productive is what helped me along.  

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@MadDoc talking to someone with the same symptoms and same shit as me just. Wants to make me cry. Crying as I type this, we'll see what happens to me. Thank you for responding 

 

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You're going to be ok.  I have visuals whenever my eyes are open and I used to have CEVS when they were closed.  That being said, life has been good, no, life has been wonderful.  Just because we have this "abnormality" doesn't mean we're less worthy than anyone else.  You're doing all the right things to heal.  The simple fact that you don't have visuals at the gym is a good sign!  I'm not an expert on hppd and I'm not even saying you have it because I'm not qualified to do so.  I do think the earlier in life you stop using the more likely to have moderating symptoms.  Hang in and take care.

Edited by MadDoc
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@MadDoc mind telling me what are cevs? And ways of keeping your mind off the anxiety and visuals . Been struggling with the anxiety

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CEVs are Closed Eye Visuals.  They were images that were indescribable.  Just crazy.  As soon as I closed my eyes they would start.  

For anxiety, meditation has been a huge help.  It also helps in dealing with day to day stress.  I think one of the biggest benefits is that it taught me how to control my mental chatter.  The negative dialogue in my mind was one of the biggest causes of depression and anxiety.  Having some control over that has been a huge relief.

Edited by MadDoc
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I've got cevs then, they don't bother me too much. It's just the anxiety, also the good thing is I only see visuals if I seek them out. It's just something I'm gonna have to learn to deal with it and move on. My memory is a little hazy now, but I'm good. Gonna be doing weekly journals to log my process. Thanks @MadDoc

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Hey Originally, for lessen anxiety you can try sophrology, looks strange and dull, but it's very effective. You have to practice everyday. Like meditation, after a while, it rebalances the nervous system, help to clear the mind and provide good anxiety relief. (mentally and physiologically)

It's not easy to find english sessions on youtube. This is very popular in my country so there's lots of video in french.  Anyway this sophrologist's sessions are very good, and there is one in english.

Also doing exercice regulary is also effective to lessen the anxiety. (running or whatever)

Edited by lysandre
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This is part of the "mindfulness" meditation I was taught.  It was called the "body scan".  Different names for an excellent practice.  I focus on a single point in the center of my mind.  Good medicine!

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Thanks for all the tips, I'll definitely try these. Since I'm going into my junior year and it's gonna be filled with stress.Gonna be taking 2 ap's, sat's and what not. Currently I'm pretty stress free, just the constant anxiety. After some deep breaths and talking to people I feel better. Yesterday at the party I mentioned above, it was so hard not to drink when drinks are constantly being offered to you. My friend got lit though, just gotta take day by day. Thanks for all the advice y'all. <3

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Hey Originally, My name is Boneless Pizza and I think that you should start finding new ways to entertain yourself, such as finding new hobbies and activities that you enjoy and maybe try doing them with friends who encourage you on a new healthy and positive lifestyle, I hope you the best for you as you seem determined to change.

-Boneless Pizza <3

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Hey guys, gonna be going to the gym today. I smoked weed Friday after I came back from the gym, so after I smoked I had the whole 9 yards of visuals and anxiety. I'll see if my symptoms get worse at the gym. Well see how it goes.

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Weed will do that especially the weed  that's around these days which is why I don't touch it.  For some, it's wonderful, for me, a disaster.  You may have to set it aside at least for a while.  Your choice though.

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Not for awhile, Forever. Too scared to touch drugs now. I'm just gonna try my best to have minor symptoms that I grow up with. I love smoking weed, I just can't anymore, especially if I want to be 90% recovered. Even now my symptoms are super minor, I noticed them but they're nothing strong. 

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I think your symptoms will be gone within 3 months... There is a pattern I have seen in the 10 years or so of being on this forum and you seem to fit it well.. Keep up the excerise, eat healthy, keep your mind enetertained and stay sober... I'm almost certain you will fully recover.

Good luck, Jay

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Thanks for the response Jay, the thing where I imagine noises is gone, I get slight static when I look at shadows and trees. Things do feel better, it's just my anxiety about it. But your words are encouragement, one weird thing though is I feel my memory, short term is way shittier than before. Also I feel less cognitive, idk. I can hold "intellectual" conversations with any individual but I feel disconnected, maybe minor dp. But thank you for the reply and I'll continue to see what happens @Jay1 

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Last night I was tired physically both cause I went to the gym and did cardio and it was late. I felt like I didn't know what I was doing, felt like I wasn't in the moment. And my visuals were more pronounced, probably because of the fatigue. I notice when I'm tired my visuals flare up a bit more. Life's been good so far though.

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I do think I have mild dp, feeling kinda down and not in the present. Hard to multitask at all.

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If you rub you Hands togethers does it Then Feel Weird and if you look at you hands

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Current symptoms 

Static, barely noticeable

Imprints of bright lights

Cevs

My vision seems shittier at long distance

Minor dp sometimes 

Symptoms that have subsided

Trails

Halos

Also the slight flashing in my peripheral

Majority of my anxiety is gone, still get little episodes

Things are better right now. Also @Cjb007 when I do that my hands heat up cause of the friction then they feel kinda tingly. Other than that I'm good.

Edited by Originally
Adding in symptom
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The fact that the trails and halos are better is a great sign!  Also, reduced anxiety is a good indication that you're on the mend.  Keep up the exercise and all the other positive things you're doing.  

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