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Patthebat88

HPPD from weed alone (Rare experience)

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I hope people take the time to read this and believe what I am saying because everyone I talk to about this problem does not believe me. I am writing this now because I have had suicidal thoughts recently and need to make a change in my life. My suicidal thoughts are pretty bad. I plan on seeing a therapist this week.

When I first started high school in 2008 (9 years ago) I smoked weed once. Just one time. My friends who smoked the same weed were stoners and they recovered the next day like 99% of people do. But I smoked a lot and I had HPPD for about 4 months. I had tingly feeling in my feet and panic attacks everyday. This is when I just started high school where I knew no one and I am a shy introvert. It was absolute hell. I felt alone and scared everyday. But I got through it!!!! And all the symptoms went away like I said in about 4 months. I felt 100% fine. So over a year later I am working out one day and I sit down and my HPPD symptoms came back. ALL of them !!!! But they quickly went away in a few hours. And since then every time I work out (lift weights especially) my HPPD symptoms come back.

 

Please believe me when I say this!!! My mom does not believe me and no one else does. What the fuck is wrong with me. I smoked weed once and now every time I work out I feel HPPD all over again. I have not heard anyone else have this experience before and I have obviously done a lot of research into this. 

 

Okay so I lived with the fact that I cant work out for years. I just quit working out-whatever I felt 100% fine just kinda pissed that I could not do it.  But this past December I was very upset over things in my life.(Could not get a good job, girl I like a lot has a boyfriend, feel like I have zero friends, lonely) I was so mad that I just started working out. I would wake up and work out and work out some more. I knew that HPPD could come back but I was so sad and wanted my depressed feelings to go away. So now My life is terrible. It is June now and I have not worked out like that for 6 months. But Since that time I have extremly bad visual symptoms of HPPD. They include:

-afterimages (These are the worst, get them after looking at something for a second.)

-trails, I can see trail when things are moving. For example, if I move my hand across my face. 

-anixiety, can feel my heart beating at times, feel like I have no personality, feel alone and depressed

-tingily feeling in my feet (This feeling gets worse if I work out at all) I love to run but I cant now, makes it worse

-floaters all the time, especially outside.

-vision makes a huge adjustment from going to light to dark places

I seriously can not even go on a 15 minute run right now? If I do , my feet become tingily. What the fuck is wrong with me? No one else with hppd from what I have read has this? I smoked weed once and now I can not work out for the rest of life? What the fuck? This has caused me to have a terrible relationship with GOD. Why would he put this on this earth for me to use? Why would he make me this way? I love working out and want to have a great body but I cant because I smoked weed one. I want a six pack. I am a motivated and focused person. How does this happen when I smoke weed once. I can understand if you take LSD a ton of times, maybe this would happen. 

One thing that i keep thinking about is the time before I smoked weed once (in 2008) I want to go back to that time and not smoke obviously. I think about that sometimes, makes me feel very regretful. How do i deserve this? I literally smoked weed one time and this is my life. These visual problems are ruining my life. I accepted a job that begins in January and I am considering turning it down now because the job will require me to work 60 hours a week staring at a computer. This a dream job at one of the best companies in the USA to work for. I worked my ass off in college (Magna Cum Laude, graduated in top 15% of my class, made dean or presidents list every semester) And now I get this dream offer and I am afraid to take it because of anxiety I have from HPPD? From smoking weed one fucking time? God What do you want from me? I feel so sad and upset all the time because I have this disorder. I feel so alone. I wish I had cancer instead of this, that would be a piece of cake to deal with compared to this. No one I know can fucking relate to how I feel. That is why I am thinking about suicide. 

I know that neither of my parents had this disorder or my sister. They have all done drugs and been fine. I must say though that depression runs in my family. My dad has tried to commit suicide multiple times and so have my cousin and uncle. I just found out this information recently. 

I have seen that fasting can have some affect on the disorder. I have been considering fasting for a couple weeks to see what it does but I have a full time job now, no way I can function without eating food for days on end. I dont know what to do?? Can someone please help me, Make me feel better? I DONT DESERVE THIS. I literally smoked weed one time. God I feel so alone. Will appreciate any feedback. I hope you guys can believe me.

 

Want to make this absolutely clear: I have not done any other drugs besides smoking weed once. I dont even drink alcohol now,  (not that it makes my hppd worse but it is just not my thing) I have not done acid or shrooms or anything like that. Nothing. 

 

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Forgot to mention this: I get very bad headaches where it feels like my brain is being pushed against my skull, it feel awful. Those have been getting better from now working out though. 

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You might not have HPPD as much as you do Visual Snow Syndrome, though they're basically the same with regards to suffering. HPPD implies you got your symptoms from a hallucinogenic drug. Marijuana is a psychoactive substance but not nearly as potent as LSD for example. There's a chance you had underlying symptoms and then the weed brought it out. Others have mentioned their symptoms worsen when they work out as well. 

We've all been there before man. Nobody deserves this, but you're much better off trying to move forward and do what you can to benefit your health rather than worrying about the past, which you cannot change. Eat healthy, do some light exercises if possible, see a therapist, go to support groups, etc. It sounds like you've had times in your life since smoking when you didn't have these symptoms so you should consider yourself lucky. 

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Yeah if you really what to World out get one of Thise shaking things that you cam stand on. Then you Will get mucels but you dont really Work out what where your symptoms in highschool

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I don't think the hppd is the main issue here. I think your anxiety and depression are.

Panic attacks and severe anxiety can mimic all the symptoms of HPPD, even in people who have never touched a drug in their life. Floaters, after images and all that other stuff are symptoms most people with derealization experience.

The tingling in the feet could be circulation issues. I'd go see your GP about that.

Edited by TheMythos

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Also forgot to mention that I have tinnitus that comes and goes. My symptoms in high school were what I am feeling now but it was a little worse then. Thank you for the input. If it is anxiety and depression, why do I think it is HPPD? I definitely have a depression problem but I think that something is wrong with my nervous system which is causing the tingly feeling. I am seeing a neurologists in about a week. I also forgot to say that I am quitting a personal bad habit right now which I think is giving me some anxiety. I was addicted to looking at porn for about a decade and now I don't at all which is making me feel not good. I think that is causing me to have anxiety as well. My brain is rewiring itself without porn. Another symptom I have is when I look at patterns on walls, I see lines that are not there. It is hard to explain, my brain creates lines in an odd way. Anyone else have that? I know they are not actually there. 

 

Thank you for the feedback. 

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I'm not saying that you don't have hppd, I'm saying that your anxiety (and obsessive rumination) are making everything worse. Also, yeah, you're having withdrawals from stopping porn. I get the same thing. 

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On 2017-6-5 at 2:58 PM, Patthebat88 said:

Also forgot to mention that I have tinnitus that comes and goes. My symptoms in high school were what I am feeling now but it was a little worse then. Thank you for the input. If it is anxiety and depression, why do I think it is HPPD? I definitely have a depression problem but I think that something is wrong with my nervous system which is causing the tingly feeling. I am seeing a neurologists in about a week. I also forgot to say that I am quitting a personal bad habit right now which I think is giving me some anxiety. I was addicted to looking at porn for about a decade and now I don't at all which is making me feel not good. I think that is causing me to have anxiety as well. My brain is rewiring itself without porn. Another symptom I have is when I look at patterns on walls, I see lines that are not there. It is hard to explain, my brain creates lines in an odd way. Anyone else have that? I know they are not actually there. 

 

Thank you for the feedback. 

Hey man i have the patterns on the walls too. Do they create any shapes or detail? You mentioned severe headaches/migranes?? That sounds like something that could be causing your visuals. Make sure you see a neurologist about that. I know people who see static who havent even taken drugs. Imo its common to see with certain illnesses. 

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Hey Pat,

So, I'm new here and I just made my very first post.  I also had a similar experience on weed, and I'm in the same boat as you:  wondering if this is Hppd.

If you'd like to talk and bounce some stuff off of one another, let me know.  

Here's my post:
 

 

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