TheMythos

Constant open eye CEVs, panic, anxiety

47 posts in this topic

Do you think fatigue has anything with your symptoms turning on/off?  When I'm tIred my visuals tend to be more prominent.  Driving can be stressful so taking a long drive without anxiety sounds like a good sign.

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Nah I get plenty of good sleep. These are there 24/7.

Honestly the best way to describe it is like dreaming while you're awake. Sometimes the images take on a life of their own and start acting out scenes.

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Another thing I've noticed is that theyre really subconscious manifestations. Whatever weird obsession or thought is underneath appears as imagery. 

This morning I woke up and was hallucinating a hamburger with a rat tail and I kept repeating the word ratburger in my head.

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https://forums.studentdoctor.net/threads/daytime-parahypnagogia.1095174/

I found this article very interesting. While I'm not seeing overt external hallucinations like this woman I am experiencing something that resembles daytime parahypnagogia, although it all seems mental.

There's a part of me that knows this is all bullshit, but a part of me that can't control it. I'm pretty sure it was brought on by extreme stress, panic, and sleep deprivation in late 2015 but I'm not sure how to reverse it.

K.B., doc, any ideas?

Edited by TheMythos
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Interesting article.  My visuals are distracting but nothing like the what she has!  Man, the brain is a strange device.

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10 hours ago, TheMythos said:

https://forums.studentdoctor.net/threads/daytime-parahypnagogia.1095174/

I found this article very interesting. While I'm not seeing overt external hallucinations like this woman I am experiencing something that resembles daytime parahypnagogia, although it all seems mental.

There's a part of me that knows this is all bullshit, but a part of me that can't control it. I'm pretty sure it was brought on by extreme stress, panic, and sleep deprivation in late 2015 but I'm not sure how to reverse it.

K.B., doc, any ideas?

Honestly, I'm not sure what to tell you. It sounds like you have a severe form of HPPD (I had similar symptoms as you for the first few months before they started to fade) wherein CEVs are your strongest and most disturbing symptom except they occur when you're awake, from what I gather. You have to keep in mind that though there's a general list of common HPPD symptoms almost everyone has a different experience with this condition and many of us have symptoms that seem almost unique to our own personal brain malfunction, as appears to be the case in your scenario. For example, I have severe macropsia. Though there have been a few others who've reported this symptom I've yet to come across anybody who has it as bad as I do. I literally couldn't even see my hand (it was too blurry and big) if I put it a foot in front of my face when I first got HPPD because my macropsia was so bad, and to this day my hand appears completely blurry if I put it a few inches from my face. 

It sounds like you've seen quite a few doctors and been on your fair share of meds, so I'm not exactly sure trying out more medication is the best route. Is there anything that's made your symptoms better? Perhaps a time when you felt happier throughout all this? One thing that's helped me is to constantly take inventory of my emotions, HPPD symptoms and body in general to see what makes me feel better and worse. It's taken two years but I have a long, long list of things that help and things that don't. It really makes life easier to navigate when you know what to do and what not to do, especially with regards to eating. 

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Thanks. I know you guys don't really have any answers beyond the ones you've given me. Just my OCD reassurance seeking. Some part of me says its not just HPPD, but I know that's all just anxiety and hypochondria.

Edited by TheMythos
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On 07/04/2017 at 11:17 PM, Sucios_numbaine said:

SSRI's have been shown to help about 50% of people with hppd but the other 50% of people who took it, it made there hppd worse. 

Not sure where you are getting those figures from.

From the anecdotes I've read on here... It's more like 1% who had even the slightest success... 9% who had neither a good or bad reaction and 90% who had a bad reaction.

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One important thing: Before November 7 2015, did you take anything, and I mean anything drug related? Not illicit, but prescription drugs? Very important. Something for a week or two before your symptoms got worse.

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21 hours ago, Traneboy said:

One important thing: Before November 7 2015, did you take anything, and I mean anything drug related? Not illicit, but prescription drugs? Very important. Something for a week or two before your symptoms got worse.

Weed all day every day in October.

The day of the panic attack my dad had given me a 5 mg Lortab.

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Weed "all day every day" in oct 2015 and you've had hppd since 2009? I'm amazed you're not much worse than you are, bud! I'd be a psychotic, gibbering mess! I'd say you've done well, all things considered.

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Same, I find it really funny that this guy finds his hppd got worse with no reason. I mean, a whole month on weed and you knew weed could give you panic attacks? And then you really get one and your father fucks you up even further by giving you opiods? I'm sorry for you, but you were gambling with your health for good.

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The weed didn't give me the panic attacks. The panic attack happened at least a week after stopping smoking. It spiraled out of control from there and became much worse over the following months.

My HPPD was virtually gone or non-noticeable at that time. I had continued to use drugs from 2009-2015 with no real side effects or worsening of my HPPD. It just didn't seem like that big of a deal at the time. It wasn't the drugs anyway, there was a whole lot of stress during that period in my life that basically lead to a breakdown.

I think it's pretty sad and fucked up that you find it funny though. I regret what I did, and I certainly don't need your condescending fucking judgments about it.

Work out your own recovery. Don't worry about mine.

Edited by TheMythos
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I wasn't being mean, you asshole. I didn't say funny in a discriminatory way. But hey, you should've explained yourself more detailed if you didn't want us to make false judgements.

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Don't start calling people asshole unless you want to be banned... Keep it civil

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10 hours ago, Traneboy said:

I wasn't being mean, you asshole. I didn't say funny in a discriminatory way. But hey, you should've explained yourself more detailed if you didn't want us to make false judgements.

It was the tone of your post.

Let's just keep it civil from now on.

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Sorry mythos - so when did the stopping smoking/breakdown occur? Cos it sounds like that's much more responsible for your current situation that the drugs of 2009-15....

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On 10/9/2017 at 2:50 PM, Joeygeorgie88 said:

Sorry mythos - so when did the stopping smoking/breakdown occur? Cos it sounds like that's much more responsible for your current situation that the drugs of 2009-15....

I moved to Florida to help a friend out with his business September 2015.

He fucked me over, moved back home with nothing October 2. Smoked all day every day to cope. Had to move back in with my parents when I had been living on my own for a couple of years.

Had to sleep on the floor, no bed. Grandma was living with us and she was up all night in pain waking me up whenever I finally fell asleep. Couldnt sleep, started staying up all night and sleeping through the day.

Quit smoking the pot on November 1. Best friend and I got into an argument and he blocked me on Facebook November 2. Didn't hear from him for 6 months.

Panic attack November 7. Thought I was having a heart attack, ended up being panic and they gave me a Valium and sent me on my way.

Extreme anxiety, panic and hypchondria followed. It just didn't stop. I went to the ER like 5 times in this period because I thought I was dying. This went on for over a month and one day I realized my perception was altered in December. I was detached from my body and mind and was seeing random non stop images in my head like a picture show. My doctor prescribed hydroxyzine and trazodone to sleep.

I couldn't drive and became agoraphobic. I checked myself into a mental hospital in early January 2016. I was prescribed Paxil and Abilify. I stopped taking the Paxil 2 months later in March and got on Abilify at the same time.

The hyperarousal/hypervigilance was so bad I had an exaggerated startle response all day every day for the next year and a half. The extreme fear, panic, and startle slowly started going away in April 2017 after I got off Abilify.

I keep "getting better" but then getting worse, like this thing fluctuates. There is a ton of stress in my life right now. The family business (counseling/treatment center) was shut down and everyone including my dad lost their jobs. My grandma is dying. Her birthday is tomorrow and they think she'll probably pass then.

So I don't know where extreme stress and anxiety and HPPD begin, really. 90% of my symptoms could be psychosomatic anxiety. I know the images and perceptions are hppd but all of the perceptual disturbances were gone in mid-July to late August.

They've gotten worse since the beginning of September when I tried to quit smoking and NoFap, and my sleep was also erratic and fucked up.

Edited by TheMythos
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