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Hallucinogen Persisting Perception Disorder (HPPD) Support Forum
Tomw27

Need some light and comfort really

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I don't really know where to start and I'm not sure how long this is going to be so I apologise in advance lol.

So I'll start at the beginning, I'm 19 and I've tried LSD 5  times in the past year. I first tried it with some family members as I had red ALOT on lsd. I've always wanted to know what I was getting into before I tried a drug (I've only actually smoked weed and done lsd). The experience was amazing, noting crazy but just chilled. I did this 3 more times with mates instead and they were all great as well, no HPPD at this point, until early October last year. I took a 120ug with some friends, nothing crazy happened and was actually a bit of a let down, so I managed to cut another tab into 4 (me and 3 others taking it). Nothing, so we met a friend to smoke a spliff as I heard it can kickstart a trip. That's when things went really, really bad for me. I started tripping like crazy and got really scared really fast. I'd red on what to do when going into a bad trip but all my knowledge at that point in time went straight out the window. It wasn't the actual visuals that freaked me out, it was a seriously intense fear of everything. I was generally petrified and thought my body was shutting down and I was going to die. I didn't even want to go to sleep (this went on till 4am) , the visuals were VERY intense though, swirls and some serious colour over my vision, I could barely walk, this went on for 6 hours but felt like a week. Worst experience of my life. After the bad trip that's when I started to notice changes in my vision and perception. I get halos, trails in lights, light burns on my vision and my general perception feels slightly off most of the time. I feel it comes In waves, when I'm distracted or with people/friends I don't tend to get the discontinued feeling or perception changes, but when I'm working or chilling by myself, I'm more aware of it. I've red so much on how long hppd can last and have not plucked up the courage to share my story to the community for advice until now. I sometimes go into an anxious mood and it's a slight feeling of what I had on the bad trip. I'm guessing my anxiety is tied with it so it relates back to it whenever I'm feeling anxious? If someone could confirm that, that would be good. I've got friends who want to smoke weed in the summer with me and I said I'd wait at least 8-9 months before trying a joint again. Do you guys think it's a good idea or what I should do. Honestly any advice on anything I've said would really help, or any comment on it at all. If you've red this far I really appreciate you for checking my story out, look forward to seeing some replies :)

Edited by Tomw27

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Look I'm going to blunt but it's needed in this situation. This advice could save your life. QUIT DRUGS or sooner or later you will end up on this site for a very long time. I was in a situation were I felt off after MDMA, passed it off as something that would pass, I smoked weed and I ended up in very very dark place. It's been 6 months and there is finally light at the end of the tunnel for me. You may not be so lucky. If you really want drugs wait at least a year. But keep it minimal.

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I'd echo what Unlucky said. Don't do drugs, not in eight months, not ever. It's just not worth it. Think about it: You either get high for a few hours with friends or potentially spend a lifetime cognitively impaired, depressed, anxiety ridden, wishing you could just go back in time to that day you messed it all up forever. As many people on this forum will tell you, drugs have been the worst thing to ever happen to them. 

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Thanks for the advice guys, I've been on edge about and weighing in the risks. I'd do anything to be normal so thanks for the comments. It's nice to get some insight on the topic

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Yeah, these guys are right.  And, I know what it's like to hear you should quit drugs, when you're still used to doing drugs -- but, after you've been sober for a long while, you will not feel the same way about it...I promise you.  Life goes on, drugs are less appealing the longer you're clean.  You just went through a really traumatic experience too. If you take this seriously now, and while you're still young, you have the best chance for a full recovery.  Even weed, unfortunately, is going to provoke your symptoms.  It's a psychoactive substance.

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