I came to talk to you about my symptoms a little bit. I'm Brazilian, so if I say something wrong, I apologize, but I'm still not fluent in English.
About 11 months ago I tried lsd with a friend, after an hour we used weed, and after that I had a very bad trip. Only today I was able to find this forum, because until then I did not even know what I really have. After using lsd, I have never used lsd or weed again. Since then, I have a lot of anxiety, sometimes I feel very depressed, and I really feel some visual effects, such as sensitivity to light, things seem to vibrate a little, and it seems that sometimes I see traces in moving things.
What makes me bad is that I can never stop thinking about it all, I try to fight against my own mind not to think about it, but it's very difficult, when I realize it, I'm thinking about it. From what I understand I have hppd, but is it normal for me to think about it constantly? Sometimes I think I'm going to go crazy.
This site was very inspiring to me, until then I was very afraid of what happened to me, and not knowing that there are so many other people with the same problem. So, THANK YOU for making me a little calmer. I will accompany you always now, hoping that I will improve. Thank you.
Dear Fellow Hppdler!
So iam a hppd newbie , i've had it since this march. so roughly 5 Months.
I actually just want to ask you if my symptoms are Hppd, or pre hppd, PTSD or whatever!
NO visual snow! NO trailing! NO afterimages!
The only Vision related things are:
Increase of colour , eg trafficlights
But somehow only bright colors do increase^^, weird stuff ^^ Normal colors look normal
My vision got worse, like my general eyesight got worse.
Then i also got DR , but no DP!
Actually only the derealisation bothers me...
It got better during the months, but the DR did only slightly decrease.
Do you think this is Hppd?
Iam not sure about this, i got my hppd from some horrific lsd trip , so may i just have a trip related trauma? and my mind is trying to protect itself from it by going in DR mode?
PS: of couse i stopped ALL drug use since then
By Alex C
I'm new to this forum and have only spent a couple of hours reading through it.
I have had mental health problems as long as I remember but it has never been diagnosed. So it's not definite but the family doctor, past psychiatrists, and my school nurse have all thought that I suffer from anxiety and depression, and I believe so too.
all of my symptoms make me feel ver depressed and anxious, and like my life is hopeless and I can't live like everyone else.
i have used 25i-nbome twice, the first time was fine but the second time I had a very bad trip and I believed that I was dead.
its been almost 3 months now and I've been experiencing what seems to be symptoms of hppd.
My symptoms are:
In dark rooms or when my eyes are closed I see blue or red fractals at the centre of my vision, and I'm mildly lit rooms they travel over the walls,
Long lasting after images from bright objects,
the worst symptom is that whenever I look at carpets and sometimes other objects they seem to grow this psychedelic pattern into them, seeing this really scares me. I avoid it by not looking at the floor basically but if I do then it will make me really anxious and more prone to my symptoms for the rest of the day. Does anybody else see this? Because I've only ever read about one other person having it.
i see slight red lines over my keyboard on my phone screen
On plain walls I also see what seems to be like mild static.
when I am hungover I also have strong CEV's that basically take me back to the night before or I see a distant screen that shows what seems to be videos of me
I still have hope for this going away as a lot of the symptoms are only really there when I think about them. So I was wondering if others think this seems hopeful or not?
the fear of my symptoms never going away also scares me a lot and makes things a lot worse.
i am basically sober now, I don't even drink caffeine, but I do occasionally drink alcohol which I am trying to stop. I am on a diet and I go to the gym for a couple of hours daily.
i can have episodes where I feel a lot better and that it is going to go away, and I can sometimes have whole days when I don't think I see any visual disturbances, but small things like my mood being changed can bring it on again where I feel worried about the hallucinations all the time.
i am only 17 so I don't have access to any medication to help yet and it takes a long time to go through the children's mental health service.
i was wondering if people think my hppd will fade eventually, and if there is anything else I can do to further my recovery.
please don't give comments that are negative or make me feel like I will never be cured because it makes things a lot worse for myself.
thank you for any responses given!
So after my first lsd trip I got hppd, but it was a VERY mild trip. My hppd is also mild. But ever since the trip I have felt just kind of off. Like things and colors look slightly different than before, and in a group of people the noises kind of sound different. I'm also pretty spaced out. I just feel a little different, but everyone says I act the same. It doesn't really fit the comategory of full blown depersonalization, but it could be minor dr or do or something... Is this just part of my hppd? Or is this what they call a "perspective change" from psychedelics. It kinda bothers me so I hope it's just part of hppd. Thx for responses
I've had what i believe to be HPPD for about 3 years now, after a slew of mushroom trips around age 15. I cant pinpoint exactly when i started showing symptoms because i feel they came on very subtly and gradually, and after 3 long years, seem to still be worsening. I remember the first thing i noticed was a light visual snow or static fuzziness that i could only see at night or in dark places, then slowly it started becoming more noticeable with time. I would start then seeing the visual snow or static fuzziness during the day time, most noticeably when looking at something solid and with minimal detail, like a wall or a cloudless sky. The trend of it getting worse continued, i would start getting progressively stronger tracer vision, beginning with things like car and street lights at night. As before, over a few months these symptoms began to translate over to during the day time. Now its to the point where i get tracers as simply as slowly running my hand past my eyes, and the visual snow is strong like what you see on a television that isn't getting any signal. The visual snow even forms into psychedelic shapes sometimes, spirals and things that look like your phone screen when there is grease on it. This is most often at night and in the morning when i am tired, but is not limited to that. When i close my eyes all i can see are these weird colorful randomly moving shapes and images. If i do something like read a book or read something on my computer, when i close my eyes i just see randomly occurring letters and numbers, and this lasts for 15 minutes or so. Florescent lights make all the symptoms particularly strong, so you can imagine school was quite difficult.There are halos around almost everything i look at, especially letters and numbers. My memory and ability to think straight and clearly feels like its degenerating. I cant focus on anything, and having ADHD doesn't help aha. I've also dealt with things anxiety and depression and depersonalization and severe migraines so that cant be helping. Ive completely stopped all substances except alcohol, the occasional cigarette and the occasional joint to help deal with the stress. But i used all 3 of these things and more up until about a year ago. none of it was hallucinogenic though
My point of posting this was not to for attention or plead my case on how hard it is to live with. I know there are people on here that have it worse than i do, but i rather just posted this to see if anybody can relate to my experience so far and has dealt with a similar situation. I haven't read many stories of people with HPPD that seems to be progressively getting worse, so i'm just seeing if someone can confirm its HPPD and not something else. I've been to countless doctors across Toronto and most of them have even heard of HPPD, let alone how to treat it haha, so i kind of gave up on the medical route. Ive had brain scans that all came back negative for anything so HPPD seems to be the only thing i have found that matches my symptoms. Its a scary thought thinking about what it might amount to if the symptoms keep exaggerating like they are doing now. Its only been three years so its pretty debilitating thinking about what it might be like after 10...20...years etc if it doesnt stop, as i only just turned 18 aha. This is my first post so any replies or support really helps, thanks. -Cal